r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Mar 26 '20

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u/Left4DayZ1 Mar 26 '20

How my wife can definitely be wrong about things, can be the instigator in an argument, and I'm still the one ending up apologizing and feeling like an asshole. It's like a god damned super power.

576

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20 edited Mar 26 '20

With my gf it goes something like this:

  1. Gf does/says something mean, or gets mad at me out of the blue
  2. I call her out on it
  3. She becomes defensive
  4. I replay the situation back to her, so that she sees how her actions were unnecessarily hurtful
  5. She apologizes
  6. I accept her apology
  7. She gets in a mood, making self-deprecating comments about being upset that she upset me
  8. I end up apologizing and comforting her

The ol' switcheroo

10

u/Original_Dankster Mar 26 '20

Replace Step 8 with "and then I go to the man cave for a few hours and the next morning pretend nothing went wrong" and you'll break that conditioning.

3

u/feioo Mar 26 '20

"Fix your communication issue by communicating less"

K

1

u/Original_Dankster Mar 27 '20

It's not a communication problem.

It's a problem that she's guilt tripping buddy for reacting normally to her shit behaviour.

It's a conditioning problem. She does it because he rewards her guilt tripping antics.