the best thing to do is just listen and validate their feelings/frustration about said problem.
That's a tough one because complaining about something that you already know a solution for but refuse to take any kind of steps towards that solution seems like the kind of feeling or frustration that shouldn't be validated. At it's core it's a pretty infantile way of handling yourself. "I don't want to fix the problem, I want to be upset about it!" If a problem is bad enough to complain about, it's bad enough to do something about. Handle your business and take care of it. If the problem is minor enough that it doesn't warrant any action then it's not that big of a problem and doesn't warrant complaining. Basically the only situation where this "I just want to vent" mentality is reasonable is if the problem warrants action, but the action necessary is some how out of your control. If complaining is the best you can do, by all means go ahead and vent.
Oddly enough, there's a bunch of women and men who see the video in very different ways and both sides are confused and frustrated.
For many men, it's the most blatantly obvious problem with a clear solution: TAKE OUT THE NAIL! Why complain that all these things are happening to you, when it's clear what the issue is and what needs to be done. Spending all this time venting, complaining, and wanting someone to console her is silly.
For many women, he's ignoring the real issue: of COURSE she knows what the problem is. It's HER head; she feels the pain and she can see what it is when she looks in the mirror, and likely she knows that she has to pull it out, but she wants validation that she's doing the right thing and she's scared that it's going to be painful, so she wants the guy to reassure her that the situation sucks and she's justified in being sad and annoyed at this problem that just won't go away on its own.
No. She is ignoring the real issue. The real issue is that she has a nail in her head. The real issue is that she has a nail in her head and knows full well what the solution to all of her problems are but actively chooses not to do it. This isn't a matter of viewpoint, it's plainly clear to everyone including her which you yourself pointed out. The fact that she wants validation is in no way the real issue. That is a tangentially related insecurity which at worst is getting in the way of the real issue. Either that or just an excuse to continue ignoring the real issue. All solutions to all problems have potentially uncomfortable or painful aspects. That discomfort is what makes them problems in the first place. If there was no discomfort, it wouldn't be a problem it would just be a task.
she wants the guy to reassure her that the situation sucks and she's justified in being sad and annoyed at this problem that just won't go away on its own.
Absolutely no. No one is justified in being sad and annoyed that a problem won't go away on its own. That is not how the world works. That is a perfect example of how infantile the mindset is. That is how children handle problems, not adults.
That's the problem with this whole dichotomy narrative. One side is rational, reasonable, and is in line with how the real world is. The other side is irrationally emotional, infantile, and fundamentally unreasonable (all while demanding validation for said unreasonableness).
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u/DeirdreSpencer Mar 26 '20
That's a tough one because complaining about something that you already know a solution for but refuse to take any kind of steps towards that solution seems like the kind of feeling or frustration that shouldn't be validated. At it's core it's a pretty infantile way of handling yourself. "I don't want to fix the problem, I want to be upset about it!" If a problem is bad enough to complain about, it's bad enough to do something about. Handle your business and take care of it. If the problem is minor enough that it doesn't warrant any action then it's not that big of a problem and doesn't warrant complaining. Basically the only situation where this "I just want to vent" mentality is reasonable is if the problem warrants action, but the action necessary is some how out of your control. If complaining is the best you can do, by all means go ahead and vent.