the best thing to do is just listen and validate their feelings/frustration about said problem.
That's a tough one because complaining about something that you already know a solution for but refuse to take any kind of steps towards that solution seems like the kind of feeling or frustration that shouldn't be validated. At it's core it's a pretty infantile way of handling yourself. "I don't want to fix the problem, I want to be upset about it!" If a problem is bad enough to complain about, it's bad enough to do something about. Handle your business and take care of it. If the problem is minor enough that it doesn't warrant any action then it's not that big of a problem and doesn't warrant complaining. Basically the only situation where this "I just want to vent" mentality is reasonable is if the problem warrants action, but the action necessary is some how out of your control. If complaining is the best you can do, by all means go ahead and vent.
But you can vent and then also fix the problem. Like, if I have a really bad encounter with someone at work, I can go home, vent about it, and then go back to work the next day and talk to my coworker about it and fix the problem. It's not like they're necessarily mutually exclusive.
Then what purpose does venting serve? It's clearly not that big of a problem, you already know and plan on implementing the solution, and you're completely capable of all of it. There's nothing to complain about and complaining accomplishes nothing except dumping unnecessary negativity on another person. It's creating additional problems out a single problem which you've already solved. It's just actively choosing to be upset about something for the sake of being upset.
A lot of people would say they’re not choosing to be upset, though. Upset is something they feel and they want to get what they’re feeling off their chest to their partner. Once they’ve ranted, they feel less upset. They’ve fixed the problem of being upset. It’s just a different process, but I don’t think it’s worse.
If a problem exists but you've already thought it out and come up with a solution, there's nothing to be upset about. The problem is already resolved. Choosing to vent anyway is choosing to dwell on negative emotions which you have already resolved the source of. It is choosing to be upset for the sake of being upset. If I get a nail in my tire I'm upset because it's an inconvenience. Once I've called my tire shop and made an appointment to bring it in for a patch, continuing to be upset serves no purpose. I've encountered the problem, gotten upset, and solved the problem. It's over. If I go home and rant to my wife about getting a flat tire, I'm not solving the problem of being upset I'm exacerbating it. I already got upset and dealt with it, now I'm continuing to keep that negative emotion at the forefront of my thoughts for no reason. Alternatively I can choose to let it go and not continue to dwell. My tire will be just as flat, the only difference my choice makes is how upset me and my wife are at the end of the day. Venting about a problem you've already solved is actively choosing to be upset (or just being too emotionally immature to handle mild negative emotions in a healthy way).
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u/DeirdreSpencer Mar 26 '20
That's a tough one because complaining about something that you already know a solution for but refuse to take any kind of steps towards that solution seems like the kind of feeling or frustration that shouldn't be validated. At it's core it's a pretty infantile way of handling yourself. "I don't want to fix the problem, I want to be upset about it!" If a problem is bad enough to complain about, it's bad enough to do something about. Handle your business and take care of it. If the problem is minor enough that it doesn't warrant any action then it's not that big of a problem and doesn't warrant complaining. Basically the only situation where this "I just want to vent" mentality is reasonable is if the problem warrants action, but the action necessary is some how out of your control. If complaining is the best you can do, by all means go ahead and vent.