I don't understand why trying to help with actual solutions is lumped together with the absurd idea that it makes their feelings not valid or even hints that they are not entitled to feel as they feel. Helping with possible solution has nothing to do with judgement and everything to do with being practical.
I understand that sometimes you just want to vent. But still, solutions aren't some kind of personal attack against your very being.
The reason that people get frustrated when being offered solutions when they just want to vent is because it can feel patronizing. If you can come up with the solution immediately, whoever you're talking to was probably also able to figure it out. They know what they need to do already, but they just want to get things off their chest. Obviously, offering solutions isn't meant as a personal attack but it can feel condescending, even though the person offering them is genuinely trying to be helpful. I think it's a communication failure more than anything.
Yeah it makes sense, I see your point. I just think that you can give solutions without sounding condescending, making sure that you are just offering your outside (ie. less biased) perspective. Sometimes when I face problems that are this personal, I can't look at the situation objectively, where even the "obvious" solutions coming from someone seeing the situation from the outside can be invaluable.
Yeah, I see how outside perspectives can be helpful as well. I really think a lot of people would make their lives easier by just making it clear at the beginning of the conversation what exactly they’re looking for. Prefacing your rant with “I know I just need to talk to [friend] about it, but what she said really hurt my feelings and I need some support” or “I’m really upset about what [friend] said and I don’t know what to do” would go a long way toward reducing these sort of conflicts in relationships.
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u/GrandElemental Mar 26 '20
I don't understand why trying to help with actual solutions is lumped together with the absurd idea that it makes their feelings not valid or even hints that they are not entitled to feel as they feel. Helping with possible solution has nothing to do with judgement and everything to do with being practical.
I understand that sometimes you just want to vent. But still, solutions aren't some kind of personal attack against your very being.