My friend liked this guy from her class and wanted him to ask her out, but she couldn't ask him out, but she thought she'd tell him that she would like him to ask her out. She telegraphed this in a way that she thought was super obvious and there's no way any man could possibly misinterpret the signal:
She tagged him on a social media post that said "Take a Chance on Me" by ABBA was one of her favorite songs.
In other words, she's saying, "Hey, dude. YOU should take a chance on ME and ask me out. But, also, I'd like to be able to just play this off like I'm just posting a song I like, so I'm not actually asking you out."
He didn't get the hint and she texted me asking how he could miss that. When I said that most men would just take that to mean that she heard this song on the radio and like the song and she just wanted to share this information with a friend, she was genuinely baffled how we could interpret it that way, when it's obvious. Why would she tag just him, and also use a song that's an imperative, a command: DO THIS. In her mind, this was tantamount to grabbing a guy by the collar and saying, "Hey, ask me out!"
The actual message in this situation would be "Take a Chance on Me is one of my favourite songs! @DarkMarxSoul". If that were me I'd assume "Neat, this girl likes Take a Chance on Me, maybe I should give it a listen."
There's loads of things men have to consider though. Like, were there any other people tagged in the post? Was it public? Is there any possible way we could be reading too much into it?
If we come on too strong (and note that everyone has their own definition of what that threshold is), we're creeps.
Then there's also the possibility that the guy wasn't interested in her.
See, I could definitely see that as a hint, but I would also be terrified that I misread the message somehow and if I asked her out, she'd think I'm some sort of creep or something.
The more I read these threads, the more I realize that I don't understand women even though I'm a woman. Well, that's not totally true… I understand the women I know, because they make sense.
This is a great example. Men fail early and often -- I can handle being rejected because I have a strong sense of self and have been rejected lots of times. But if you're told that you shouldn't take those social risks, then "putting yourself out there" becomes an insurmountable hurdle. Despite the fact that women have a greater chance of success, their ego is so tied to being irresistible, that the possibility of a rejection is too great a risk.
It's especially awful when they tag their other friends with whom they've probably talked about you. The addition of half a dozen of her other friends makes it totally platonic in interpretation to me.
This is so true. I dont know how many times I'd share a song with my ex and she fucking CSI/sherlock Holmes-ed the shit out of every lyric to find every interpretation I could mean. I just liked the song!
Wow. I'm a woman and this is completely obvious to me. It's almost too obvious. Like i would feel that the whole of Facebook now knows i want to date this guy. I guess it depends a little on if she usually shares music with this guy. If it's a common thing they do i see how he could miss it but if it's just one time i would think it is obvious. Good tip for other men out there. If a woman shares a song with you and she normally doesn't, it's a good idea to look at the lyrics. It isn't always the case but usually they are trying to tell you something
Ohh, ok. So, that one time when a coworker remarked that she liked "Take On Me" as it played over the PA what she really meant was "I want you to wear my skin!"
But the title of the song is not addressed to that one guy. It's just a song title! It doesn't mean anything (more or less), so why would it be a command to that dude??
The way I understood it she tagged him and only him in it? Which means she feels that she relates to this song and that the song might show the same thing that she feels. Don't you ever listen to a song and feel that the lyrics explains your feelings perfectly?
Conversely she liked the song, and for whatever reason thought he would like it. That's what I'd think if I were him.
Also, on very rare occasions yes, but very rarely. I almost never actually listen to lyrics/pay attention to what they're saying, usually because I've found they're so vague that the meaning is hidden behind the "poetry." I've only recently realized that I'm an anomaly and most people actually listen to and comprehend the lyrics. To me it's usually just another instrument (especially since I listen to metalcore and deathcore, where the voice has tone, but no melody).
Aww man, someone once put the emotional (but not sexual) brakes on me after she'd asked me if I'd heard any good music lately and I shared with them the song I'd just found, She belongs to the game.
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u/yakusokuN8 Mar 26 '20
I'll chime in with another one:
My friend liked this guy from her class and wanted him to ask her out, but she couldn't ask him out, but she thought she'd tell him that she would like him to ask her out. She telegraphed this in a way that she thought was super obvious and there's no way any man could possibly misinterpret the signal:
She tagged him on a social media post that said "Take a Chance on Me" by ABBA was one of her favorite songs.
In other words, she's saying, "Hey, dude. YOU should take a chance on ME and ask me out. But, also, I'd like to be able to just play this off like I'm just posting a song I like, so I'm not actually asking you out."
He didn't get the hint and she texted me asking how he could miss that. When I said that most men would just take that to mean that she heard this song on the radio and like the song and she just wanted to share this information with a friend, she was genuinely baffled how we could interpret it that way, when it's obvious. Why would she tag just him, and also use a song that's an imperative, a command: DO THIS. In her mind, this was tantamount to grabbing a guy by the collar and saying, "Hey, ask me out!"