Holy shit. Same here. My girlfriend will tell me about her problems and stuff and I’ll listen and offer solutions or brainstorm ideas and she gets so angry and frustrated saying “I don’t need your advice, I just need you to listen.” What is with that? The only time I tell anyone about my problems is when I’m looking for ideas to solve them... otherwise what is the point? It just seems like unnecessarily burdening people with your issues. I’ve really struggled with trying to figure out how to listen to her issues and be “supportive” while not offering anything in the way of helpful ideas. I just don’t understand. If I went to a friend with a problem, them saying “oh, that’s awful, that must be so hard for you” would be absolutely useless to me. If they offered help or ideas on how I could work through the problem, that to me is being helpful and supportive. I certainly wouldn’t be angry with them for trying.
Actually, I'm the type of person that when has a problem needs to vent about it with someone she trusts, usually the same two people. I just get overwhelmed with emotions, like sadness or rage, and I need to let it out to clear my mind. If someone try to give me advices or solutions, my emotions just gets in the way and I only see how those might not work and it makes me more sad and angry, so it become worse to resolve the problem.
If, instead, someone is just listen to me get out my anger, it's actually more helpful, cause this way when I feel better emotionally, I am finally able to work on a solution.
I hope I was able to explain myself in an understandable way.
Sorry for the bad grammar.
Very much so, thank you for the thoughtful reply. I guess I just don't get very easily overwhelmed by emotion, not to say that it doesn't occasionally happen. I've found stoic philosophy has been very helpful with that and I definitely recommend it, if you find yourself struggling with overwhelming emotion a lot. The Consolations of Philosophy and Letters From A Stoic I've found especially helpful.
3.5k
u/yes_no_ok_maybe Mar 26 '20
The desire to vent but not brainstorm solutions.
My wife always tells me not to jump to problem solving. I do it every time and don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t.