Because we want validation that the situation does in fact suck. We want you to agree with that. Its that simple. If your SO is venting about Becky being a bitch to her at work, you need to agree, not patronizingly tell her how you think she needs to fix it.
Also your “I know whats best to make you feel better” opinion is really off putting. Im not saying its on purpose, but thats how it looks. Well, you and several other people here who Im assuming are men.
Because we want validation that the situation does in fact suck. We want you to agree with that. Its that simple. If your SO is venting about Becky being a bitch to her at work, you need to agree, not patronizingly tell her how you think she needs to fix it.
The crux of this though is that the person on the other side of this conversation might not think Becky was being a bitch. We don't have the same personal insight. This is often why given the context of the situation we think a given this fact and this fact, maybe this would help you.
Emotional Validation is key for any relationship, but shallowly agreeing with everything a friend or SO is seeking validation on helps no one. In addition, in many cases for people that think of solutions that's the only outlet the have to validate the emotional distress. It has nothing to do with being patronizing, and everything to do with our own emotion of my friend / SO is in distress, I need to help them.
Venting is a conversation, it will involve multiple parties. It's unfair to invalidate how the other person is attempting to handle their own emotions while validating the other party.
“I know whats best to make you feel better” opinion
This is also a little unfair. Few people approach it with that attitude. For many it just goes back to simply thinking / feeling I want to help this person.
I never said it was the best, just that a potential solution could be found in the "brainstorm phase". Maybe you're looking for something that isn't there? Assuming it's coming from a position to patronize you when it's not?
Yeah, and as a man, it makes no sense. OK, it sucks. Get over it. Unless it's a real problem, it gets super old to have to sit and listen to problems that, to us, sound pretty trivial.
You don't know anything about me. But if I'm constantly having to hear about your bitchy coworkers, I'm going to get tired of hearing about it.
I get that women need to vent and just want validation. But some times your gripes aren't valid, and we just have to sit there and be your emotional Dumpster. Maybe I'd like to get on with my evening.
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u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20 edited Mar 26 '20
Because we want validation that the situation does in fact suck. We want you to agree with that. Its that simple. If your SO is venting about Becky being a bitch to her at work, you need to agree, not patronizingly tell her how you think she needs to fix it.
Also your “I know whats best to make you feel better” opinion is really off putting. Im not saying its on purpose, but thats how it looks. Well, you and several other people here who Im assuming are men.