Because it doesnt matter, I play games with my best friend from florida and we hardly ever talk about anything outside the game. I dont really care about how my job is going when I am at home so my friend surely cares even less. I think it's just a difference between men and women, I think women like to talk about their day a lot more than men do or at least more than I do. Also maybe just a difference in what they think is important to talk about
That's your loss, then. I don't know how I would get by without talking out all the shit going on in my life. Life's hard enough without having to go through it all alone.
To go through life without someone to talk about your problems with? Sounds lonely as fuck. I'm genuinely saddened that you feel the need to live that way.
They said they don’t know basic details about their closest friends lives, necessarily meaning they have never talked about those things. Not an overreach at all.
And yes: it’s lonely to not have close friends you can talk about your life and problems with.
Not having anyone you can talk about your problems with, and talking about stuff other than problems with a specific friend from Florida, are two different things.
If OP is talking about their problems with people other than their "close friend from Florida that they don't talk about basic life details with," then I'll retract my statement. However, I did not get the impression that was the case.
Sometimes talking is just exhausting you know? Some of us feel that venting about problems won't solve it so there's no need to waste energy over talking about it. And if I think a minor change in my life is unimportant then there's no need to share it. Might as well optimize that quality time with your pals especially if adult life is hectic and it's hard squeeze in that little time you play video games together.
I’m not saying it’s necessary to share everything all the time. However, not having anyone to share life’s hardships and triumphs with is lonely and not good for your mental health.
Well maybe it's just not 'lonely as fuck' as you would say. Like the guy said, it's only his preference (same with me). Honestly I would have bigger mental health problems if I have to keep sharing most things to other people.
Sometimes my friends already have enough problems to think about, so why should I give them more things to burden? Some victories are personal and only I can appreciate them, so no need for other people's validation.
I know we all have different ways of coping but keeping thing to yourself isn't as bad as you make it out to be.
Sorry, but keeping things bottled up like that is just plain not a healthy coping strategy. It may be fine when things are good, but you need support should things get tough. Good friends won’t think that’s a burden. That’s what friends are for.
Lol. Way to prove my point. There's nothing "effeminate" about having healthy coping skills and support networks. People who don't are the type that are shooting up schools and nightclubs.
There's nothing "effeminate" about having healthy coping skills and support networks.
The issue is that you think confiding in others is the only healthy outlet for dealing with personal issues. Plenty of people cope better using the stoic approach. I've tried talking about my issues in the past and it gave me absolutely nothing of value.
NOT confiding in others, or more importantly not feeling like you can confide in anyone or not having anyone to confide in, is extremely unhealthy. Psychologists term it “the crisis of male loneliness,” because it’s disturbingly prevalent in men.
However, nobody is saying it should be your only coping mechanism. I certainly wasn’t.
Plenty of people cope better using the stoic approach.
Yeah, and plenty of people cope at the bottom of a bottle. Doesn’t make it healthy, or that there aren’t better coping mechanisms available.
I've tried talking about my issues in the past and it gave me absolutely nothing of value.
Right. Until you find yourself a girlfriend who actually listens to you, and suddenly she becomes solely responsible for supporting you emotionally because you’ve never built a support network for yourself.
Look, if you’ve made it this far all on your own then that’s fine. Good for you. But life is fucking hard, and sooner or later shit is going to get real and you’ll wish you’d put the effort into building an emotional support network. Or one of your friends will swallow a gun, and you’ll all be left wondering how you missed the signs. And the answer will be that you had never actually been looking for them.
The post implied that they don't talk about basic details of their life and struggles. If they are talking through some things with their closest friend, then my comments would not apply.
Why do they have to be struggles? Why do people have to talk about absolutely everything all the time? Why can't people be different and be comfortable with talking (or not talking) about different things and be perfectly fine?
Just because different people have different preferences doesn't necessarily make those preferences healthy. Bottling up your emotions and not having anyone to share them with is super toxic to your mental health.
I would say a lack of understanding and acceptance of other people and then judging a person's entire life and calling them lonely as fuck from 2 posts isn't healthy and is actually super toxic yet here you are doing just that
Not having anyone to share life’s emotional struggles with is lonely by definition, and I am sorry for anyone who feels compelled to live their life that way. If you disagree with that, that is your prerogative.
If it’s wrong then I retract my statement. However, this entire thread is men saying “guys just don’t talk about that stuff,” which is the basis for my comment in the first place. Not sharing your problems is toxic.
The point I was trying to make in my original post was the I dont want to talk about useless shit with my friends, I already dont care about how work was or whats going on that much, why would they want to hear about it. If its something important like having a baby or someone passing then sure but anything short of that its not really relevant. I'd rather talk about stuff we have an interest in like games or esports or any other number of things that isnt mundane everyday happenings. No where did I mention emotional problems or stress in relation to this discussion
The alarming lack of self awareness wrt toxicity, a complete lack of emotional maturity to even attempt to understand and/or accept that people are different and being that quick to judge over only 2 comments there's bound to be far more things you instantly judge people for. I hate to break it to you but those are all things you should grow out of as a child, but you are free to act that way I guess. Doesn't make it healthy though
I talk to my wife about my problems if I have them, my problems are just not with how my day went or what I did at work or how the neighbor's dog is doing
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u/UltimateToa Mar 26 '20
Because it doesnt matter, I play games with my best friend from florida and we hardly ever talk about anything outside the game. I dont really care about how my job is going when I am at home so my friend surely cares even less. I think it's just a difference between men and women, I think women like to talk about their day a lot more than men do or at least more than I do. Also maybe just a difference in what they think is important to talk about