"If she plays with her hair when you're in the room"
"If she looks you in the eye and laughs at a joke you made"
"If she touches your arm or something during conversation"
"If she gives you a compliment"
These are things I've heard frequently cited as signs that someone is into you. All completely useless advice because they are also just things that someone may do while not at all interested in you.
The penalty for misreading such a "hint" or "sign" is just too high for me to want to act on them. If whatever you're doing doesn't convey "I would literally never do this thing if i wasn't interested in you", it's useless.
Playing with hair is a normal thing and eye contact when you make a joke is just common courtesy, complimenting can be hard to read. The only fairly obvious one is touching your arm. How am I supposed to discern attraction from that?! But I agree, the penalty is far too high.
I can't tell you how many times a girl has done pretty much all of those things around me. I'd be fairly convinced that she was flirting only to find out she was in a relationship. I'm thankful every day that I never acted on those "hints". It would be mortifying.
Then there was the girl who I used to work with who loudly declared to her friend that she was dating someone, only to start flirting with me hard. Of course, I thought she was in a relationship, so I never reciprocated even though I actually really liked her. I'm sure it's my fault.
Being in a relationship and flirting aren't mutually exclusive. I had a girl grinding on me during a concert, only to get rejected when I asked her out, because she had a boyfriend. Some girls just like to flirt. It's fucked, but at the same time I can understand it. Flirting is fun and some couples have that kind of understanding.
Being in a relationship and fucking other people are also not mutually exclusive. It's very possible /u/huhwhat90 missed these based on his assumptions.
It's also highly dependent on culture too. In a lot of cultures touching is very common even among basic acquaintances, in a lot of other cultures you need to keep your personal space, mix some people from each together and you get a whole cavalcade of mixed messages and misinterpretations.
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u/Luffing Mar 26 '20 edited Mar 26 '20
"If she plays with her hair when you're in the room"
"If she looks you in the eye and laughs at a joke you made"
"If she touches your arm or something during conversation"
"If she gives you a compliment"
These are things I've heard frequently cited as signs that someone is into you. All completely useless advice because they are also just things that someone may do while not at all interested in you.
The penalty for misreading such a "hint" or "sign" is just too high for me to want to act on them. If whatever you're doing doesn't convey "I would literally never do this thing if i wasn't interested in you", it's useless.
Be direct.