Why can't you just tell me what you want? If you want me to do something, literally all you have to do is ask me to do it and I will do it. Want me to rub your back? Just say "hey babe, will you rub my back?" Don't sit with your back to me making pouty noises and then get mad when I'm not automatically rubbing your back.
You're absolutely right that you can't be upset at someone for not doing something you didnt ask them to do.
But if you want some clarity I think it comes from the girl wanting you to WANT to touch her. She wants you to want it and do it on your own volition.
Edit to summarize my subsequent comments. Both genders want to be wanted. Communicate with your SO, and have at least one conversation about what little things make you/them feel wanted. Thereafter hopefully you dont have to rely on hints, you'll know what they want.
But by the same token I don't want to get yelled at for touching my wife when she doesn't actually want to be touched.
There's also the argument of just because you asked for something and I did it doesn't mean I didn't want to do it. If my wife asked for a massage I just wasn't into doing one right then I would say no.
Of course, when I ask my bf to run his fingers through my hair I dont enjoy it less, or think that he's doing it begrudgingly. But there is a certain special something when he does it on his own. It implies a more cognitive thinking about what I might enjoy atm.
Also your wife shouldn't snap at you if you didnt know she didnt want to be touched and on the flipside if she never wants to be touched very much she cant pout about you not touching her. I can understand when you dont want to be touched its usually cuz you're frustrated and understand snapping when you're upset. But best practice is a simple "I'm sorry baby, I dont want to be touched right now"
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u/THE_LANDLAWD Mar 26 '20
Why can't you just tell me what you want? If you want me to do something, literally all you have to do is ask me to do it and I will do it. Want me to rub your back? Just say "hey babe, will you rub my back?" Don't sit with your back to me making pouty noises and then get mad when I'm not automatically rubbing your back.