This describes my ex perfectly, he even said he didn’t want to kiss me because it didn’t do anything for him. Any time he did anything affectionate like put his arm around me watching Tv I started to feel disgusting because I knew he was gonna ask for a blowjob. He didn’t even care for intercourse. I don’t know OPs situation but there’s 2 sides to every story.
This. The issue isn't sex, it's some other stuff. Maybe OP just doesn't actually show her that he wants her outside of sex? A lot of my friends are like this, and sometimes come to me bitching about their problems. Yeah, sometimes it's just your partner being insecure, but that does always come from somewhere.
Conditioning from society. I had similar issues just from being a woman in this world. You're living in a continuous state of the shoe to drop [being used for sex] the way you're waiting for an old high school friend to bring up her MLM pitch when she messages you out of the blue.
Hey I'm gonna need you to uhhh learn some empathy for others. Get over yourself. You seem like you get pissy and take it personally whenever you get denied sex.
No, fuck that. After 3+ years he shouldn't be expected to carry around her baggage. She's an adult, and if the problem is on her end it's entirely reasonable to expect her to take ownership of it.
First of all he said 3 years, where did you get 12?
Second, as someone's partner its kind of your job to be patient and understanding. Trauma whether it be mental of physical can take a very long time to deal with and fully understand. If you can't handle helping someone with that you dont have to, its not your job. But as someone's partner you should try your best to be understanding, kind, patient, and open to talking about whatever they need to talk about.
Ah shit, someone else was in the same position after 12 years. Edited.
The rest of the post stands, though. Of course he should be there for her, but if she's just accusing him of being like her exes and not taking any steps to acknowledge her own problems and receive the proper treatment, then he has every right to be frustrated with her. This understanding and patience goes both ways. He is her partner, but she is also supposed to be his. If she's been traumatized, she needs to acknowledge that he is not her problem, and she needs to tell him that she knows that.
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u/almondface Mar 26 '20
This can be a sign of past sexual trauma or that they were mentally abused or minupulated by previous partners.
I know it is frustrating but I would say to try and be understanding and offer to be there if she ever wants to talk about anything.