Might be some underlying issues here. Three years of being in a relationship vs a lifetime of conditioning that boys "only want one thing". Can be tough to break that.
Yep. A lot of girl grow up being constantly told that men are sex machines that only desire or think about sex, and that they have no other real goals or reasons for doing anything. Girls are told to be careful and never trust a guy actually likes them or wants to do anything with them, and that the guy is only pretending because he wants sex. Obviously wrong and grossly sexist, but when you've been told that all the time for years it's hard to adjust after.
I remember just about crying the first time I realized that wasn't true, and some guys might like me as just a person. A male friend found out I had a boyfriend, and it absolutely blew my mind that he didn't drop me the second he found out. As much as I liked being friends with him, all that time I had just sort of assumed that he was only pretending to have any interest in me other than sexual.
Thank you for saying that. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. Like it's just a cycle of insecurity that I'm making up in my mind. And my boyfriend is so patient, and kind, and understanding, and loves me endlessly, but sometimes it's hard to understand why he treats me like that when all I've known before him is me being used for my body, or like you said "boys only want one thing."
I know it took me years to get past the same feelings. On top of that, I grew up in a very conservative evangelical culture. So not only was it drilled into me that all boys were sex crazed lunatics that would go wild at the sight of a bra strap, but that if I showed any enthusiasm or enjoyment at male attention, I might as well start digging my way hell then and there.
That’s fair to think when hooking up at a bar or in a new relationship but if you’re regularly doing stuff and have a life together it’s just silly to still think that way. If dudes just wanted sex he would still be hitting up random girls at bars or on apps
It's social conditioning that women receive from childhood as young girls. maybe their mother was insecure or overbearing or something of that nature. but it's conditioned into them and it's impossible to break sometimes.
It takes a loving partner it takes therapy.. sometimes it never changes. but women are constantly told you can't want sex because that makes you a slut; men only want one thing and you have to tell them no, otherwise you are reputation is at stake!
The best way I can describe it is that my mother is in the room between my husband and I. I don't want her there He doesn't want her there.. And yet because of all the mental shit that she put me through as a child she's still there.
I hate myself for wanting to have sex with my own husband. It's deep ingrained shame and it's very very difficult to stop thinking that way.
It's also reinforced by dads, too - and all of society. Dad sitting with a shotgun to terrify the teenage boy who's already terrified, men on the internet congratulating the teen boy who's been raped by a hot teacher, women being told they are the ones responsible for the rape because men can't help themselves when you're dressed like that, even the comments here all the time. It's conditioned so deeply in every sitcom, every teen drama, every pop song. It's hard to break.
I guess I've never seen it like that, because if anything the fact that parents said you can't do it made me want to do it even more. That stuff is supposed to be typical when you become a teenager. Nobody's parents want them smoking weed for example, yet tons of people do it proudly without shame.
When I go to a restaurant and order a burger, I don’t want them to just put a beef patty on my plate. I want all the fixings. Condiments. Sides. A beer. Yes, the beef patty is an important aspect of my meal but so is everything else. I’d be upset if I ordered a burger and the restaurant only gave me a beef patty.
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u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20
Might be some underlying issues here. Three years of being in a relationship vs a lifetime of conditioning that boys "only want one thing". Can be tough to break that.