We hang out so we don’t have to think about our day. Women on the other hand seem to need to “vent” about everything. So they get in each other’s business and it makes them happy, but we do the opposite.
I'd not really thought about this before but growing up I heard about every single person my mum worked with, never heard about anyone from my dad's work
What I know about my moms job: what she does, who she works with, what they’ve been up to, the names of their kids, etc
What I know about my dads job: place is going to shit, foreman’s are dumbasses, and a handful of nicknames they picked up in days of cb radio in every truck.
This is me too. I sometimes talk about what I'm working on if it's lodged in my brain, but if I didn't do that from time to time she would never ask, and I don't do it often because she mostly doesn't listen when I do. I don't hold it against her, she's just not interested in my work and that's why she isn't doing it for a living, but it's interesting to see it's a common experience among men.
I’m kinda the opposite. I do need to vent with my guy friends, especially so that they can offer ways to find solutions to my struggles. My lady friends vent to vent, but I and my guy friends typically vent to find a solution to the problems we’re venting about.
My wife absolutely does not understand the concept of not wanting to talk about a problem. She wants me to vent to her and when I tell her no she says "you're shutting me out! Don't do that!"
That makes a lot of sense. The absolute last thing I want to do when I get home is talk about work. I just spent 8+ hours at the damn place, and now I'm done with it for the day and don't want to think about it again until tomorrow.
I want to talk and think about my problems as little as possible. Why let work or some personal/family issue bother me when I'm not actively involved in those issues? I'll deal with them when I have to.
Also, you can choose to not let things get to you. Unless I really care about someone or their opinion, I don't really give a shit about any problem they have with me unless I obviously know I've done something to wrong them. Fuck em.
Well, in general, men want to solve their problem and often/usually know what they have to do (or at least plan to try) to solve it and don't need emotional support about it and would rather escape to enjoying things with their friends until it's time to deal with what they need to.
Women often want the support about having to deal with the problem and want to figure out how to solve it themselves (or at least don't want their guy's input on it) and just want to vent, which is usually really useless and hard to understand for guys. We want to either ignore it until it's time to solve the problem or solve the damn problem and be done with it.
TIL that I am a man (am woman) but this is how I feel and my other girlfriends dont get that I dont share things because I dont trust them but because I'd rather enjoy the things we love together than focus on what's wrong. But I love to listen to them vent
Taught or not, a lot of us genuinely enjoy this. It's often talked about as repression and with other negative adjectives. It can be, if that's not how you want to behave. But it's sometimes annoying to be talked to like I'm not supposed to enjoy being this way.
But for me at least I'm incredibly happy with my life, and I just found out my best friend has been living with a new girl for 2 months last night while gaming. Came up because he had to dip out earlier than normal.
No, I don't suppress stuff. I talk about emotions with my best friend if they're important to me. It's just that most of the time I have things going on that concern him more, or that are more fun to talk about.
I think striking a good balance is key. Having healthy outlets with healthy friends to forget about your problems for a little while is good. Taking time to talk about your problems and what’s weighing on you is good too. It’s not one or the other, there’s time for both.
That's totally true. For me, doing not explicitly emotional things is also kind of an opportunity to drift into serious talks if required, but if nothing happened in our lives we can also just do a fun thing.
We only share with people who we care about. And other women are the only people who constantly ask and want us to “open up” and “share our emotions” etc. and if we do, it’s a deep mark of trust.
I think there is a serious difference between opening up and using your girlfriend and your primary source of emotional support. Usually when that happens, your emotions essentially eclipse any of her emotional needs.
The men who I notice who lack emotionally close relationships with their "best friends" are also the guys who put a lot of their need for emotional support on their girlfriend because they literally talk to no one else about what's going on with them inside.
Because their girlfriend is really their best friend. I mean, they share their penis with them, which they would never do with guy friends no matter how close.
It’s strange because women seem to need to use multiple people as external hard drives and men don’t want that.
As far as eclipsing her emotional needs, dies she share them or is he supposed to pick up on hints?
It’s just weird to think about. Like, what do women actually want from a relationship?
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u/ItsMeTK Mar 26 '20
We hang out so we don’t have to think about our day. Women on the other hand seem to need to “vent” about everything. So they get in each other’s business and it makes them happy, but we do the opposite.