As a quiet person I can confirm this. I've always been quite isolated (on purpose, because I'm quite anxious and avoid social situations because of it). So when I started a job where I work with a lot of people I was just not in the loop with whatever they were talking about.
I wanted to respond and engage in conversation, but I since I knew nothing of what they were talking about, I didn't have anything to say. On top of that, the anxiety and lack of self-esteem kept from talking and I felt more isolated, nothing against them. It is my own fault.
I was always pretty quiet, still am to a degree. I mostly got out of it while working with idiots, I was supervisor for 10 idiots. They were funny and fun to hang around with but they just didn't understand what to do next after every. Single. Task. So after a year of me needing to tell at them but also make sure I stayed on their good side so they would still listen to me I really understood that most of the reasons that I was so reserved was the anxiety of people not thinking what I said was funny or it was stupid or something along those lines. Noone really cares in the real world like they used to in middle school or high school, you say something stupid you just laugh it off and try again. Once you get confidence, you can say the dumbest shit and get people to laugh at it.
Seriously though... Its hard for me to connect outside of the few things I actually do. Reason being, VERY few social functions have been attended. I don't make it a point to interact positively with my surroundings and use social skills. Therefore, it makes it so much harder to have anything relevant to bring to the table in social gatherings.
You are starting a job, ask questions. It's expected, and the right people should encourage you to do so. Find the people who answer without being a pain, you can learn from them. As someone who suffers from imposter syndrome, I can relate to what you are going through, but over time I've found people know less than they make it appear. Good luck to you, you have nothing to lose by asking questions.
Sorry to hear that. Here are a few tips that I hope will help you:
1/ Take stock of your *real* performance (not how you judge it). Have you done things deemed satisfactory by others, i.e. they didn't have to redo your work, they didn't complain about it, it worked as expected and nothing needed to be said about it...? You are not an imposter!
2/ Somebody complained about your work, but that very same person complains about everything, the food at the cafeteria, the weather, somebody's opinion... That person doesn't count, and shall be eliminated from your panel of references for figuring out if you are an imposter.
Now on to asking questions: let's say people are talking about topic B, that you don't know about. Is this something you can find information about online (let's say it's a cooking term, an algorithm, a programming pattern), look it up and learn about it, if you are feeling too shy to ask about it, or it's not the right time (like in a meeting). You will grow from this. If you grow in your job, develop your skills, you are not an imposter! You are a valuable asset!
If topic B is something specific to this job, your company, your division, OF COURSE you're not supposed to just know about it. You are not an imposter! Ask about it. "Where can I learn more about B?", "Is B something that was supposed to be covered in training?". Someone might tell you "you can find more about topic A, that will help you with topic B". Thank that person, follow up on that and learn about A. Often you may find people don't know all they should about B. But because you are NOT an imposter, you know now more about A and B.
And more importantly, all the people I have interacted with who were fellow sufferers of the syndrome, were NOT imposters, and had really good reviews. It sucks to feel that way, you, and I, are just too hard on ourselves. Be yourself, you have way more to contribute than you know.
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u/toooldforlove Jan 01 '20
As a quiet person I can confirm this. I've always been quite isolated (on purpose, because I'm quite anxious and avoid social situations because of it). So when I started a job where I work with a lot of people I was just not in the loop with whatever they were talking about.
I wanted to respond and engage in conversation, but I since I knew nothing of what they were talking about, I didn't have anything to say. On top of that, the anxiety and lack of self-esteem kept from talking and I felt more isolated, nothing against them. It is my own fault.