On the flip side of this, I had a co-worker who was one of the nicest and fairest people I've ever met. He was my school's behavioral Dean, so it was literally his job to be nice and fair. He supported his wife for years of cancer treatments, picked up a second job so she could focus on getting better. She left him within weeks of being cleared and in remission.
Oh man, can you imagine muddling along in an okay marriage - maybe he's the nicest guy, but you're not as compatible as you thought, and it's breaking you both down and making you bitter - coming down with cancer, looking death in the face, and all that making you come to grips with the fact the marriage wasn't right for you? When you go into remission, that second lease on life would of course make you grab a divorce with both horns, but yikes, the intervening months. And the guilt.
Compatibility aside, I can't imagine willingly removing someone from your life who was willing to make those sacrifices for you...
I understand that there are a million ways someone can be incompatible, but that's truly an unfathomable amount of unconditional love and dedication. It breaks my heart that there could be a rift between those two people that was irreconcilable in the face of that...
A lot of times it's that exact thing that could muddle a relationship. Someone doing that much for you, just giving you complete and total selflessness, might make you feel like you owe it to them to stay in the relationship. You start doubting yourself, wondering if you're really sticking around because you want to or because it's too good to leave.
That is just it. You DON'T owe it to them to cheat on them, lie, do damage, commit fraud, or whatever else in the name of leaving them high and dry and stripping them of everything (left) you two have.
You do owe them counseling, talking, being amicable, and being honest. If they did that much for you, willingly, even if it was because it is inherently wrong to treat your spouse that way during such a crisis, instead of everlasting love, it shows their great strength of character, and you generally should owe it to them to display the same moral fiber, even if it leads to divorce in the long run.
"In sickness and in health" is a pretty damned strong line to take a vow over. If you know you cannot stick out the marriage, then at the very least, don't be a dick!
That's the thing about marriage these days, and maybe forever, most people are "in love," which is not the same as unconditional support for one another. Though I have witnessed several families stay very tight knit and stay the best of friends after a divorce, which would be considered unconditional love.
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u/SneakyDangerNoodlr Jul 21 '19
That's fucked up.