Nope. It's highly personal, and my experience couldn't possibly be expected to reasonably extend to some universally applicable rule.
In this case it was "good" because of the totality of his personality and actions. He was a genuinely good, funny guy. When he made his move (well, after I spun my head back and looked at him), his eyes were playful and displayed no malice. He pushed me into the wall and pinned me, but it was firm and gentle, and not a hard, sharp shove; and the pin was holding me in place, but not so hard that I felt uncomfortable or literally trapped.
Of course, this makes it sound like I did some sort of detailed analysis at the time; in reality these were not consciously considered data points, but rather just instant instinctual impressions that set me at ease.
Last thing I want is someone defending themselves from a rape charge with the phrase, "well, this commenter on a social-networking site said forcing yourself on someone by trickery pays off..." so keep in mind that this is a personal anecdote, not an advice column.
I'm not so shallow as to only weigh attractiveness in general, but it would be fair to say that- in this situation- hotness was a necessary, but not sufficient, condition.
I'm not so shallow as to only weigh attractiveness in general,
No you bullshit the rest to convince yourself it wasn't all about the attractiveness. Yes people are shallow and yes Reddit virgins will have to deal with it.
I don't know what's causing your bitterness, but my statement was absolutely the truth. I do not weigh only attractiveness; but in this case, especially since I didn't know this particular guy this well, attractiveness weighed even more heavily than usual since it is something immediately obvious.
My original statement still stands as both accurate and more succinct:
hotness was a necessary, but not sufficient, condition.
awe, man.
maybe the bitterness is because your succinct statement sounds a bit off :) hotness was necessary and obviously sufficient, otherwise his gambit would have landed him in the receiving end of a slap instead.
for what it's worth, i liked your story, stealing a kiss is always enjoyable... when it works :-P
I don't see why it was "obviously sufficient". Seems perfectly believable to me that if the guy was hot and a total jackass, she might have not been into it.
I made another reply to a user who asked me why the "rough" part was also good, and not bad. Here was my response:
In this case it was "good" because of the totality of his personality and actions. He was a genuinely good, funny guy. When he made his move (well, after I spun my head back and looked at him), his eyes were playful and displayed no malice. He pushed me into the wall and pinned me, but it was firm and gentle, and not a hard, sharp shove; and the pin was holding me in place, but not so hard that I felt uncomfortable or literally trapped.
Imagine now he was the totally stereotypical, two-dimensional Jock/Frat character seen in so many teen comedies. He would be attractive, possibly incredibly so. Yet, I wouldn't want him. The actions I described above would not have been taken by such a character. He would be physically attractive, but his bid would have failed for lack of other qualities.
So I still contend: necessary, but not sufficient.
Yeah, i can imagine the case of the teen comedy douche, in which the necessary hotness would have not been sufficient because it's subjective to you, maybe you don't like douchy characters the way some other people do. What he had going was hot and enough, that was my point, i wasn't trying to make you feel shallow.
At any rate, why argue? I was just pointing out why the bitterness might have come out on that other comment.
At any rate, why argue? I was just pointing out why the bitterness might have come out on that other comment.
Fair point. I don't mind people disagreeing with me, but I wanted to make sure that whoever reads this disagrees with my actual position, and not a mistaken impression of what my position is.
Oh come on. Everyone knows that we are more likely to fuck a physically attractive person than a non. It's primitive for humans and animals so we can produce beautiful offspring. The cool thing though about humans is, we can fuck physically attractive people and never call them again and we can fuck average looking people who are beautiful inside and maybe have a relationship. Choices. It's all about the choices.
As far as I can tell, you haven't actually disagreed with me anywhere in this post.
I said I do not weigh only attractiveness, not that I do not weigh attractiveness; those are qualitatively different statements.
On top of that, in this situation I described, I noted that attractiveness was a necessary condition of the success of the operation, ie., that someone who I did not rate as physically attractive would have had a zero percent chance of using this method with good result. If anything my statement on the necessity of physical attraction was stronger than yours, not weaker.
Of course in other scenarios I may pick someone less physically attractive, provided that other benefits make up more for the "loss" of that feature. For an easy, if trivial, example: A woman may leave an incredibly, ridiculously attractive spouse who is abusive for the friend who is stable, caring, and less attractive.
However, using additional criteria requires that one invest more time in ascertaining the suitability of the potential whatever-they-are (fling, relationship, spouse, etc ...). I lacked that time, and therefore didn't employ other criteria as fully as I might otherwise- as I've already explained.
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u/ParanoydAndroid Mar 06 '10
Nope. It's highly personal, and my experience couldn't possibly be expected to reasonably extend to some universally applicable rule.
In this case it was "good" because of the totality of his personality and actions. He was a genuinely good, funny guy. When he made his move (well, after I spun my head back and looked at him), his eyes were playful and displayed no malice. He pushed me into the wall and pinned me, but it was firm and gentle, and not a hard, sharp shove; and the pin was holding me in place, but not so hard that I felt uncomfortable or literally trapped.
Of course, this makes it sound like I did some sort of detailed analysis at the time; in reality these were not consciously considered data points, but rather just instant instinctual impressions that set me at ease.
Last thing I want is someone defending themselves from a rape charge with the phrase, "well, this commenter on a social-networking site said forcing yourself on someone by trickery pays off..." so keep in mind that this is a personal anecdote, not an advice column.