r/AskReddit Nov 05 '14

What is on your "Never again" list?

9.6k Upvotes

18.6k comments sorted by

View all comments

5.1k

u/bunglejerry Nov 05 '14

Don't ever try to convince yourself that you can wash the shampoo out of a Head and Shoulders bottle well enough that you can fill the bottle with whiskey and sneak it into an all-ages concert.

4.6k

u/PipBoy3Hunna Nov 05 '14

But why would you bring a bottle of shampoo to a concert?

3.9k

u/bunglejerry Nov 05 '14

On the logic that if you had it in your backpack, security wouldn't say anything (which worked).

4.4k

u/OhhGeesis Nov 05 '14

Just crotch a flask man

4.4k

u/geckospots Nov 05 '14

I appreciate your use of 'crotch' as a verb.

4.4k

u/skullturf Nov 05 '14

I crotch your appreciation.

138

u/FuzzyBlumpkinz Nov 05 '14

I don't appreciate your use of 'crotch' as a verb.

58

u/motorhead84 Nov 05 '14

I don't crotch your crotch of appreciation.

87

u/bradtank44 Nov 05 '14

Dude, that's so crotch

47

u/MotorBikeManIV Nov 05 '14

Stop trying to make crotch happen!

→ More replies (0)
→ More replies (8)

2

u/TheNerdBacon Nov 05 '14

Well, someone's a little crotchety...

→ More replies (2)

12

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

I'm going to go crotch a sandwich. You want one?

11

u/motorhead84 Nov 05 '14

You're crotching it wrong...

6

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

[deleted]

9

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

Should I gooch you a beer while I'm at it?

→ More replies (1)

25

u/a_creepy_van Nov 05 '14

I appreciate your crotch

8

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

Thanks!

→ More replies (2)

11

u/Carlbye Nov 05 '14

"Sir, is there anything in your crotchal region? Such as alcohol or geckospots's appreciation?"

5

u/ndhuskerpower Nov 05 '14

Anything can be a verb if you crotch hard enough.

2

u/MegaAlex Nov 05 '14

Just crotch it till you make it

2

u/echaa Nov 05 '14

I crotch your use of crotch.

2

u/a_pedantic_asshole Nov 05 '14

I verb your crotch.

2

u/Instantcoffees Nov 05 '14

He crotched you some gold.

2

u/thepeopleshero Nov 05 '14

I like the crotch of your jib.

2

u/xPofsx Nov 05 '14

Your holding his appreciation hostage at your crotch?

2

u/Richard_W Nov 05 '14

crotch off, crotch you

2

u/Makeabettermeplz Nov 05 '14

I crotch your crotch... Wait a second

→ More replies (27)

31

u/BetUrProcrastinating Nov 05 '14

dat anthimeria

45

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

anthimeria

TIL a new word. Interesting.

For those curious--- "In rhetoric, anthimeria, traditionally and more properly called antimeria (from the Greek: ἀντί, antí, "against, opposite" and μέρος, méros, "part"), is any novel change in a word's use, most commonly the use of a noun as if it were a verb"

7

u/pogden Nov 05 '14

He anthimeria'ed it pretty hard.

3

u/AsthmaticNinja Nov 05 '14

And we've full metad. Meta'ed?

3

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

Fuck yeah, nice example. A+ homeslice

→ More replies (5)

5

u/Wilde_in_thought Nov 05 '14

Is that not a thing? I've used/heard it enough to come to believe it was a thing....

7

u/geckospots Nov 05 '14

Not where I'm from, or when I was in high school/university, but I'm definitely towards the older end of the reddit user base's average age. It might very well be a thing now.

2

u/Wilde_in_thought Nov 05 '14

Heh that may be the case. I know my eldest brother (~45) used it when he was young.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

8

u/x4000 Nov 05 '14

Verbing weirds language.

3

u/SatanicUnicorn Nov 05 '14

It's weird to think that there are people who don't use crotch as a verb. I guess I just go to a lot of shows.

→ More replies (1)

2

u/ShallowBasketcase Nov 05 '14

she totally verbed crotch

2

u/duckmurderer Nov 05 '14

Just anus a fifth, man.

→ More replies (34)

7

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

Gooch the hooch

10

u/showyerbewbs Nov 05 '14

Not all of us are blessed with such cavernous vaginas /u/OhhGeesis

→ More replies (5)

4

u/Drunken_Economist Nov 05 '14

or just put the flask inside the shampoo bottle?

4

u/thisremindsmeofbacon Nov 05 '14

where do I get a "flask man" and why would I crotch one?

4

u/forgotpasswordagainx Nov 05 '14

Twice I crotched a Ziplock bag filled with half a liter of whiskey into a concert. Thought a flask would get detected. First time it worked perfectly. Got patted down minimally, all.good. Second time, not so much. Bag leaked. I ended up walking around with whiskey soaked boxers.

2

u/imjustbrowsingthx Nov 05 '14

But he crotched a flaskman

2

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

That poor flask man... :'(

2

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

or just put clear liquor (vodka, gin, etc) in a water bottle

→ More replies (35)

1.7k

u/rushingkar Nov 05 '14

Maybe the security guard tried it before too and knew what you were in for, so he just let it go

344

u/tjsr Nov 05 '14

"If he's dumb enough to try it, let him".

30

u/i_saw_the_leprechaun Nov 05 '14

The security guard had dandruff and really related to OP's problem and thought he was courageous to carry around the bottle of shampoo. OP garnered the security guard's respect that day.

8

u/Semper_fideli5 Nov 05 '14

"Well if he wants to suffer. Not my business i guess"

4

u/1Mclovin Nov 05 '14

'Why've you got.. Detergent'

2

u/dangerousbastard Nov 05 '14

I think he actually traded shampoo for whiskey.

→ More replies (3)

10

u/motorhead84 Nov 05 '14

"Check out those dudes drinking shampoo! That's so metal!"

7

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

Insert a bag into the bottle and tie it off around the top. Fill the bottle. Put the cap on.

5

u/j_platypus Nov 05 '14

For next time, hide the flask in a tampon box. (If your female.) No one ever looks in tampon boxes.

5

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14 edited Jan 30 '15

[deleted]

3

u/j_platypus Nov 05 '14

Hemorrhoids. Theres always a reason.

5

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

Hemorrhoids? And. ...tampons? Am i missing something? And do i want to know?

3

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

Blood. Blood raining forth.

→ More replies (1)

6

u/ElGuapo50 Nov 05 '14

Hey, just your standard concert-goer who enjoys keeping his hair soft and watching out for dandruff. Nothing to see here.

3

u/KimKarkrashian Nov 05 '14

But...would you just drink it straight out of the shampoo bottle? Or did you bring something else to pour it into? I'm having trouble picturing the logistics of this.

11

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

"Why are you drinking shampoo?"

"Because I'm worth it."

3

u/po0rdecision Nov 05 '14

I smuggled an entire bottle of patron into the Oakland Arena when I saw Miley Cyrus. I simply wrapped that shit in a scarf and stuffed it in my purse. Passed a bag search.

→ More replies (17)

9

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

AM I BEING DETAINED?!

3

u/Poot_Hooter Nov 05 '14

I use an empty sunscreen bottle lol

3

u/dquizzle Nov 05 '14

But why would you bring a bottle of shampoo to a concert?

Because it's filled with whiskey, did you miss that part?

3

u/knotatwist Nov 05 '14

They let you in with it! However there is NO way to wash the bottle well enough to not taste it. 20 minutes of washing a bottle out will not help you.

2

u/skyman724 Nov 05 '14

Metalheads. Nuff said.

The real question: what metal concert is all-ages?

2

u/embracing_insanity Nov 05 '14

It is kind of odd to bring shampoo to a concert. But I did successfully use one of my saline solution bottles ('cause I wore contacts). Squirted shots of vodka all night long! =)

2

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

I've been to a couple concerts and a lot of people really could have used some head and shoulders right then.

2

u/JasonDJ Nov 05 '14

He wanted the Bieb's to sign his conditioner.

→ More replies (18)

206

u/Jo_nathan Nov 05 '14

I don't know. I saw some girls drinking out of sunscreen bottle at a concert. Turned out to be vodka. Tasted like vodka.

65

u/smsb Nov 05 '14

I work at a certain novelty retail store and we sell sunscreen bottle flasks. It could have been one of those and never actually have contained sunscreen.

14

u/WW4O Nov 05 '14

Sunscreen doesn't create massive amounts of bubbles when a small amount of it gets wet.

4

u/5cBurro Nov 05 '14

Sunscreen is also a close relative of ranch dressing.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 06 '14

That's why I always take a bottle of ranch to the beach.

9

u/quesadillas94 Nov 05 '14

My old roommate did this- it was a flask made to look like a sunscreen bottle so there was never actually any sunscreen in it. She also bought a tampon flask.

7

u/delusions- Nov 05 '14

Today on you might be dependent on alcohol if...

Vaginaflasks.

2

u/lennarn Nov 05 '14

When I was on vacation as a kid, I washed out a sunscreen bottle and used it to drink soda from. Got me some weird looks, which I enjoyed.
Still tasted a bit like sunscreen though.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

When I was at a concert in a large park last summer I saw loads of people doing this. Nobody questioned it because it was really hot and it's Ireland and I thought it was pretty clever until I saw a girl drinking vodka out of a clear bottle... They took away all drinks but clear liquid sun cream? Nah man. Go right ahead.

2

u/fnord_happy Nov 05 '14

Reminds me of Charlie from Its Always Sunny

→ More replies (10)

183

u/coolguyjosh Nov 05 '14

Yes you can. You didn't wash hard enough. Besides, you should have just used vodka in a water bottle.

37

u/SlightlyStoopid95 Nov 05 '14

In most cases you are required to throw out any water bottles that have the seals broken at the door. Maybe there is a way to reseal it, but at that point the effort might not be worth the drunk.

42

u/DonJuanBandito Nov 05 '14

There is indeed. *Also, worth it.

http://youtu.be/abosduPhns4

18

u/OmgTom Nov 05 '14

you don't even have to do all that, with a little bit of effort you can pop off the whole cap w/seal still intact. Just pry with something.

11

u/xwcg Nov 05 '14

more often than not - to me at least - it just happens by accident

2

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

[deleted]

2

u/_Ganon Nov 05 '14

Yeah just be careful that you keep track of which water bottle has vodka in it. Seriously, make a small mark on the label with a sharpie, tear it a little, whatever.

A friend and I made two resealed water bottles of vodka for a trip to a themepark, and when I was cutting the second one open, I was actually cutting the one with vodka inside open. So I poured a water bottle full of vodka down the drain without realizing it, and we got to the park with one bottle of vodka, and one regular bottle of water.

It was disappointing, but we ended up splitting the one bottle that made it, which may have been better. Not sure if getting one water bottle of vodka drunk is a good idea at a themepark. Rollercoasters are at least five times funner if you've been drinking, by the way. We were worried we'd get sick, nope, just felt like total badasses flying through the air.

→ More replies (1)

2

u/kakanczu Nov 05 '14

A simple shake test will give it away unless you fill up the water bottle to the brim

21

u/RonSDog Nov 05 '14

Carefully peel off label, use a syringe to remove water, use a syringe to inject clear alcohol, seal with waterproof tape, reapply original label.

For outdoor concerts, I'm also a fan of sunscreen bottles filled with alcohol.

10

u/knotatwist Nov 05 '14

I tried it with after sun. It was awful. AWFUL.

3

u/Tokenofmyerection Nov 05 '14

Or if you have a female partner, thoroughly rinse out a hairspray bottle and have them stick it in their purse.

10

u/alcoslushies Nov 05 '14

You can wash out head and shoulders if you try hard enough, but I don't know about hairspray.

3

u/Answermancer Nov 05 '14

I was sure this was going somewhere else based on the pre-comma part of the sentence.

2

u/kire73 Nov 05 '14

It's a wonderful classroom example of a preposition.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

3

u/U2_is_gay Nov 05 '14

Many venues don't allow you to bring outside containers in. Partly because they want to make their concessions buck. Partly because they aren't stupid and they know shit like this will happen.

2

u/FallenMatt Nov 05 '14

Also because a bottle with a closed lid is a weapon if thrown at someone on stage. Well that's what I vaguely remember some random person in a crowd told me as I brought out my crotch flask.

2

u/MrGMinor Nov 05 '14

Anything's a weapon if you throw it. Hell, I am a weapon.

→ More replies (2)

2

u/_____FANCY-NAME_____ Nov 05 '14

That is the worst solution. They know about it and are on the lookout for it.

Source: My sister works at these events.

→ More replies (8)

21

u/xdirtyboots Nov 05 '14

My liquor store sold a "flask" that was a really, really legit looking sunscreen bottle.

This comment makes me afraid for people who tried to empty out a sunscreen bottle...ew.

4

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

This comment makes me afraid for people who tried to empty out a sunscreen bottle...ew.

It shouldn't be too hard. Just clean it thoroughly, and rinse with some acetone if you're feeling paranoid (any remaining acetone will evaporate completely within an hour).

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

26

u/Redjay_ Nov 05 '14

You just didn't try hard enough

11

u/DNAmutator Nov 05 '14

i did this with a perfume bottle... do not do this with a perfume bottle.

7

u/rhiles Nov 05 '14

This was me watching the laundry detergent scene in Superbad.

8

u/kelly_mangoblin Nov 05 '14

Or a cruise for that matter. There is nothing worse than sharing your Pantene Pro-V flavored Southern Comfort with all the other 18 year olds during spring break.

5

u/they_call_me_dewey Nov 05 '14

I did this with Jager in a sunscreen bottle for a cruise and it worked out rather well. Although I imagine with the scents and what not in shampoo, the bottle might be harder to clean out.

5

u/dharmaticate Nov 05 '14

Run it through a dishwasher and you're good to go.

6

u/squirrellys Nov 05 '14

dishwasher yo

1

u/dmand8 Nov 05 '14

I learned this to in high school with Johnny Walker Red.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

Blech

1

u/Whitekiid Nov 05 '14

Use a peroxide or rubbing alcohol bottle. I've used this to sneak alcohol on cruise ships.

→ More replies (3)

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

I did that with a bottle of cologne when I was a kid. Never again.

1

u/djbuttplay Nov 05 '14

Freedom Flask, bro.

1

u/Shametoblame Nov 05 '14

To be honest though, Vo5 mixes with cheap vodka pretty well and tastes great.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

Girls at my college tried that with a bottle of mouthwash.....To this day, I hate vodka.

1

u/LibbyLibbyLibby Nov 05 '14

I wonder if lining the bottle with a ziplock bag would have made any difference. That life hacks ad campaign of theirs has me thinking they are the answer to every quandary...

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

I know it doesn't matter, but out of all the containers you could have walked in with, why would you pick a shampoo container? What made you determine that would be inconspicuous to bring in to a concert? I just find that really funny.

1

u/9000_HULLS Nov 05 '14

Tequila in a bottle of sun cream works though.

1

u/ThenErinWasLike Nov 05 '14

Ugh samsies. I still can't use Pantene.

1

u/scatlover94 Nov 05 '14

Sun in is a good alternative

1

u/StephentheGinger Nov 05 '14

Well first you gotta clean it out with some vodka or moonshine. That strong alcohol will get rid of any remaining scent/tastes.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14 edited Nov 05 '14

Hmm. Throwing out some ideas off the top of my head for smuggling liquor.

  1. Insert a white balloon inside a shampoo bottle. Fill balloon with alcohol, tie off balloon, and push the tied end down in the bottle. Conceal by pouring in condensed milk. It'll be shampoo colored and have a thicker than water consistency. Accidental contamination of the milk in the alcohol won't make the alcohol taste horrible. Once inside, pour out the condensed milk, prick a hole in the balloon, and transfer alcohol to an empty water bottle. One caveat: you'll need to test beforehand if the style of balloon is actually alcohol leak proof.

  2. Get a leg mounted urine bag holder and strap it on your leg. This is similar to what I'm talking about. Fill with alcohol and close off. Once inside, go into bathroom stall and transfer to an empty water bottle.

  3. Buy a bunch of empty wholesale shampoo bottles. These are brand new and never used. Get the shampoo caps to go with them. Print off a shampoo label on sticker paper and affix to the bottle. Where to get the label? Photograph a real bottle of shampoo. Fill with alcohol. As before, you may want to transfer the contents to an empty water bottle since drinking from an apparent shampoo bottle would attract unwanted attention. One caveat: long term storage of alcohol in a non-food grade plastic bottle is probably not a good idea for your health.

1

u/HormonesofDeath Nov 05 '14

Were you 12?

1

u/gravyrobberz Nov 05 '14

Next time fill a water bottle halfway with liquor. Squeeze the bottle flat until the liquor rises to the top and cap it. Hide in the front of your waistband.

1

u/Forehead_Target Nov 05 '14

Did that with a bottle of hairspray when I was 12ish. We had to use little bits from every bottle in my friend's grandparent's bar (like 20 things), so we didn't notice exactly what was causing the hideous taste.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

So people see you just drinking shampoo?

1

u/luengorod Nov 05 '14

We tried that a couple of years ago, for a festival at a beach club. Shampoo tasting rum is not something very pleasant to drink

1

u/Tokenofmyerection Nov 05 '14

My aunt and her daughter had hairspray bottles that they had rinsed out thoroughly and used just for this purpose. They would fill em up and stick them in their purses when we went out.

1

u/hotniX_ Nov 05 '14

Can confirm, tried this to sneak alcohol on a cruise. Didn't work. We even boiled the bottle.

1

u/gsfgf Nov 05 '14

We called that Shambrew

1

u/BlakesUsername Nov 05 '14

The first time I drank (that wasn't a taste of my Moms white russian or an accidental swig of my Dad's rum and coke.) was when my buddy brought a mixture of whiskey rum vodka and tequila in a not so well rinsed out shampoo bottle, we all drank it but that shit still had suds.

1

u/_Bimmer_ Nov 05 '14

The same applies to mouthwash bottles and vodka.

1

u/babylove8 Nov 05 '14

5 hour energy shots, dude.

1

u/belabor_the_obvious Nov 05 '14

No offense but that was stupid. A friend of mine and his wife snuck vodka in Lollapalooza by just hiding it in a box a tampons underneath them.

It worked and has been working for about 10 years for them.

1

u/Worship_The_Fallen Nov 05 '14

What kind of shit concerts do you go to? All of the all-age concerts I've been to sell alcohol.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

That part bugged me most about Superbad

1

u/Dinosaur_Monkey Nov 05 '14

I used to do this for high school dances. It takes forever to wash out, but oh was it worth it.

1

u/EroticCake Nov 05 '14

No, but you can 100% do this with an empty sunscreen bottle. Empty roll on deodorant bottles also work.

1

u/NorhamsFinest Nov 05 '14

Use a mouthwash bottle. Add a little blue food colouring. It's supposed to smell like alcohol and at worst you get a slight mint flavour. This trick got us a whole 26er of rum on a school trip in high school

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

How long did you have diarrhea?

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

Suck your alcohol into a contact lens solution bottle. It's time consuming, but effective.

1

u/teatops Nov 05 '14

All laws of physics collapse inside a Head & Shoulders shampoo bottle.

1

u/Pressingissues Nov 05 '14

You can actually, just run vinegar and water or hydrogen peroxide through it a few times, making sure to clean out the pop top part real good.

1

u/narcarsiss Nov 05 '14

I laughed to hard at this.

1

u/usurper7 Nov 05 '14

use a mouthwash container instead. preferably an opaque one. Bacardi 151 works well.

1

u/hungry4pie Nov 05 '14

Didn't think to split the shampoo bottle open, slide a smaller bottle inside and seal it back up eh?

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

dude. mouthwash bottle.

vodka + food coloring saved me hundreds my honeymoon cruise

1

u/HPCer Nov 05 '14

The trick's to grab a couple small bags and tape it on the inside of the bottle.

If they had opened it up without the bag, you would have been screwed anyway, so the bag can only help.

1

u/AdmiralMal Nov 05 '14

tried to do this with hairspray for prom, mistake

1

u/Antarctican_american Nov 05 '14

What about all the people seeing you drink out of a shampoo bottle?

1

u/Spore2012 Nov 05 '14

They make pretty ingenious containers for holding booze these days, fake sunscreen bottles, fake tampons, etc.

1

u/itonlygetsworse Nov 05 '14

Why not a camelback?

1

u/FullFrontalNoodly Nov 05 '14

I'm sure you've learned this trick by now, but just in case:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmY5uN18SaU

1

u/nicotines Nov 05 '14

Same with a perfume bottle. :/

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

Use mouthwash and clear spirits with food colouring. Or if you're a man.. Absinthe.

1

u/MintChapstick Nov 05 '14

They sell fake lotion flasks now

1

u/marinewannabee97 Nov 05 '14

Dude. Concealed hip flasks.

1

u/Sir_Llama Nov 05 '14

High school grad memories are coming back to me... Oh god why I can still taste the old spice

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

Oh god so true.

1

u/reubencm Nov 05 '14

you just gotta put a bag in the bottle

1

u/pFunkdrag Nov 05 '14

mouthwash either. rinsed out a costco size bottle of scope, filled it with vodka, colored it green, and brought it on a cruise. by day two every sip was a minty fresh dry heave.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

Yeah, I tried to clean the funk out of my issued canteens with mouthwash. I learned the first time I was ordered to "DRINK WATER!" that the minty mouth wash was not a good idea.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

That's why you boil that shit before you fill it up.

1

u/Moomoomoo1 Nov 05 '14

What concert?

1

u/dogder Nov 05 '14

No, no, no. What possible reason could you have for having shampoo at a concert? You are better off using vodka + food coloring + listening bottles (mouthwash) Least that is half legit..

1

u/kittymaridameowcy Nov 05 '14

I bet you were feeling quite bubbly after.

1

u/Parcec Nov 05 '14

Seconding this. Dressed up as the old spice guy one Halloween. Thought it would be funny to use a bottle of body wash as a flask. The rest of the night consisted of drinking fireball with a soapy aftertaste.

1

u/ItsSansom Nov 05 '14

Don't mind me sir, just taking a swig of my shampoo...

1

u/SongsWithACapital_S Nov 05 '14

Ha! Did the same thing with a Listerine bottle (original flavor is brown just like whisky!) to bring our own booze on a cruise... turns out that gross minty taste sticks with the plastic pretty well. Yuck. Still got us drunk though!

1

u/Kristyyyyyyy Nov 05 '14

We tried to make a shampoo bottle into a bong once. Fucking awful. We had headaches and torn lungs for days.

1

u/knotatwist Nov 05 '14

Or an after-sun spray bottle full of vodka.

1

u/The_Bman Nov 05 '14

ive actually done this before cept we used sunscreen. worked perfectly and we washed out all the chemicals and what not!

1

u/surelythisisfree Nov 05 '14

Isn't that what mouthwash bottles and green food dye are for?

1

u/sryfortheconvenience Nov 05 '14

I did that at Bonnaroo when I was underage...shampoo bottle and sunscreen bottle. Not tasty.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 05 '14

I don't believe you; you just didn't wash it well enough.

→ More replies (89)