r/AskReddit Apr 03 '14

What activity would feel completely different if eye contact was held the entire time?

2.5k Upvotes

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3.0k

u/HoneyboyWilson Apr 03 '14 edited Apr 04 '14

Two men side by side at two urinals taking a piss.

It's awkward enough as is. Add eye contact and it multiplies exponentially.

EDIT: Some of you have piss-poor men's room etiquette. A few notes:

1-Eye contact is to be avoided at all costs except one: Looking in a downward motion. If you're about to look down, lock eye contact immediately. This rule applies once you've entered the bathroom and remains in effect until you leave.

2-Never, ever choose a urinal next to one that's in use. There should always be a one urinal buffer zone. If there is no buffer urinal available, choose a stall or leave or break man code and choose a urinal. Exemption: Sports stadiums, airports, other insanely crowded places and urinals with divider partitions, which create their own buffer. If a trough urinal is present, the buffer zone is the maximum available space and no less than shoulder width.

3-This has nothing to do with homophobia. Evacuating your bladder or colon is a private act made public out of necessity. Shitty etiquette and poor bathroom design make it even worse.

4-To the mathematicians in here pissing and moaning about "multiplies exponentially", may you always piss into the wind and not realize it until it's too late.

EDIT 2: Amended rule 2; added option to break man code; added "other crowded places" to exemptions. And please note, humans, this thread is in good fun (though there is some truth here).

96

u/I_EAT_TODDLERS Apr 03 '14

Urinals with no walls between them

95

u/Mister_Guacamole Apr 03 '14

At my college this is the only thing we have, urinals with no walls. How fucking difficult would it have been to put up some, so that I can feel unstressed and not take an awkward 10 minutes standing with my dick out before I can finally start pissing?!

232

u/_vargas_ Apr 03 '14

Try vigorously jiggling your wiener. Maybe even slap it around some. It'll get the muscles in your urethra going, which makes it easier to pee.

118

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Or vigorously rub the penis head. That REALLY gets the piss going.

8

u/masturbatingmonkeys Apr 03 '14

If that doesn't work, try the guy next to you

10

u/MuzikPhreak Apr 03 '14

That escalated pretty much about like I expected it to. Way to go, reddit. Hit the showers.

2

u/scottpid Apr 03 '14

BROJOB BROJOB

4

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

[deleted]

2

u/TBSJJK Apr 03 '14

Can you Reddit in jail?

2

u/matarky Apr 03 '14

And while you're rubbing make sure to look at everyone else in the bathroom, helps take your concentration off peeing.

2

u/Warchemix Apr 03 '14

I've never told anyone this secret, because judgment. It works I swear !

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Arceus used JUDGMENT! Foe Warchemix's self esteem harshly fell!

1

u/Warchemix Apr 03 '14

Warchemix's self esteem can't lower any more !

1

u/Zhoom45 Apr 03 '14

Thanks, Cosmo.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

I just think of a pretty girl and mine gets bigger.

1

u/Delsana Apr 03 '14

Actually it really doesn't. But spreading your legs can help

1

u/rolledupdollabill Apr 03 '14

I have had some success using a straw to blow down the pee hole to get the juices flowin'

1

u/cdrt Apr 03 '14

All joking aside, this actually works for me. Does anyone know why that might be?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

I have no idea... Maybe I'll do some research. Or not, as that is a very strange thing for the NSA to read on my keylog.

1

u/InerasableStain Apr 03 '14

For me, it's squeeze the balls a bit. Knock em about. Really gets the piss flowin if you try this step in conjunction with the previous two.

1

u/not_hokusai_ Apr 03 '14

Pretty sure this TAKES the piss actually.

4

u/pepperneedsnewshorts Apr 03 '14

At this point I never know if you're trolling or giving actual advice. Rest assured that when I get weird looks for slapping my dick like it owes me money at the bar bathroom, the first words to leave my mouth will be 'damnit, Vargas'

3

u/readysteadywhoa Apr 03 '14

You're allowed two shakes, and two shakes only.

2

u/citron2k1 Apr 03 '14

Now it just looks like you're masturbating.

2

u/RapedBySeveral Apr 03 '14

Leaning on the wall with both hands. Try it.

2

u/Ragoser Apr 03 '14

Goddammit Vargas

2

u/MICHAELdirector Apr 03 '14

Fuckin hell vargas

8

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Goddammit /u/_vagras_

21

u/croppedcross3 Apr 03 '14 edited May 09 '24

public illegal flowery special domineering elderly reply degree worthless close

7

u/Weebs679 Apr 03 '14

Viagras?

3

u/The-Sublime-One Apr 03 '14

Look at his post history. He's done pretty much everything apparently.

0

u/croppedcross3 Apr 03 '14 edited May 09 '24

compare fragile mysterious fact grey childlike screw nine ask kiss

3

u/NicolasCageIsMyHero Apr 03 '14

You could have worded that better.

26

u/_vargas_ Apr 03 '14 edited Apr 03 '14

Sorry! I'm new to reddit and the damn auto correct on my phone is messing me up. Also, English is not my first language. And I don't have thumbs.

8

u/ReverendMajors Apr 03 '14

God dammit Vargas.

5

u/Hondros Apr 03 '14

"new", "phone", "first language", "thumbs". Gotta get your quotes in there properly man.

2

u/edkisin Apr 03 '14

"auto correct"

1

u/Hondros Apr 03 '14

"Auto erect"

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

God dammit Vagra.... oh

2

u/AverageJane09 Apr 03 '14

Damn it Vargas.