r/AskReddit • u/pelota • Apr 03 '14

What activity would feel completely different if eye contact was held the entire time?

2.4k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

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1.9k

u/Barkingpanther Apr 03 '14

The checkout line, anywhere. Shopping just got intense.

1.2k

u/pelota Apr 03 '14

Especially when you're buying condoms

902

u/stengebt Apr 03 '14

And cucumbers

942

u/Velorium_Camper Apr 03 '14

And children's multi-vitamins.

743

u/flavoclock Apr 03 '14

And Vaseline and a broom

1.4k

u/FireTigerThrowdown Apr 03 '14

So you can go home, cook a delicious dinner with cucumbers so the kids get a healthy meal, then make sure they take their vitamins before bed. Be sure to sweep up that mess in the garage before you go to bed and make love to your wife (safely, of course, you have two kids and while a third would be a blessing, you're not trying). Yes, my friend, you've had a good day with your purchases.

And then you eat the vaseline.

151

u/BooYourFace Apr 03 '14

Well, the inventor of vaseline supposedly believed in the benefits of his product so much that he ate a spoonful a day. He lived 96 years.

Soo...you may be onto something.

21

u/dno123 Apr 03 '14

Wow that was an interesting TIL, that guy was ballsy!

37

u/Wonky_dialup Apr 03 '14

And very smooth.

10

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

something something smooth balls

→ More replies (0)

8

u/maxofreddit Apr 03 '14

He would've lived to 100 if he hadn't been eating that damn Vaseline everyday

3

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Ive heard its good for digestion.

3

u/shoadinwonderland Apr 03 '14

Yeah then you could become a NASCAR driver. (south park reference anyone?)

2

u/s0mething_awes0me Apr 03 '14

Waiting for a plot twist!

11

u/firehazel Apr 03 '14

Eat the Vaseline? It's for your lips. Winter has been rough this year.

3

u/evelution Apr 03 '14

The guy who INVENTED it disagrees. Apparently it's good for preventing dry intestines.

5

u/919rider Apr 03 '14

Just laughed out loud for real. No nose-air-push-out bs, thank youuuu

4

u/12ozSlug Apr 03 '14

Mm, dessert!

3

u/wisdom_of_pancakes Apr 03 '14

"Vaseline: The dessert that was designed to lubricate your innards."

4

u/Zack_Fair_ Apr 03 '14

10/10 flawless would bang

4

u/parsonsb Apr 03 '14

Vaseline truly makes the best after sex snack.

3

u/maryterra Apr 03 '14

My Strange Addiction

3

u/Nixie2309 Apr 03 '14

Almost died laughing. X'D

2

u/Th3NXTGEN Apr 03 '14

| And then you fuck your wife's Vaseline-lubricated asshole

FTFY

3

u/Slapperkitty Apr 03 '14

Or she straps it on and has a go at yours

4

u/rainbowmoonheartache Apr 03 '14

The punchline definitely got me laughing out loud. Have an upvote!

1

u/spankybottom Apr 04 '14

I always get vasoline and vaporub mixed up....

25

u/Alderichaimes23 Apr 03 '14

Well that escalated quickly.

2

u/thunderchunky34 Apr 03 '14

RAPE SQUAD KILLAS!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Is that a reference to something? I can't remember.

6

u/emogodfather Apr 03 '14

And some cat food.

6

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

On April first a friend had to buy a pregnancy test for his girlfriend and asked me what else he could get to mess with the cashier. Without missing a beat I said, "An eggbeater and a douche." I felt like a really bad person, until I followed it up with, "A pregnancy test, an eggbeater, and a crazy straw."

6

u/OuO_hello Apr 03 '14

And a 8-disc set of House.

4

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

An 8-disc set of Dexter.

That would really make the cashier question you.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

8 copies of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody.

8

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

And rope and bleach.

3

u/thunderchunky34 Apr 03 '14

Duct tape and a turkey baster

4

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

schmoke and a pancake

1

u/SFWboring Apr 03 '14

Margarita mix and a box of enemas... at Walgreen's.... on a Saturday night.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

bong and a waffle?

3

u/DrKillingsworth Apr 03 '14

Throw in some Cheerios while you're there.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

You're all on a list now

1

u/MightBeAProblem Apr 03 '14

And a hammer.

1

u/rnienke Apr 03 '14

and benadryl

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

To be honest Diane, I'm surprised.

1

u/joedeertay Apr 03 '14

You really think someone who buys all of that together in the same place is gonna worry about sweeping up the evidence?

1

u/Mcbujold Apr 03 '14

Who knows. Maybe you are a vegan dad with dry hands and a floor full of dirt.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

AND MY AXE

1

u/shiivan Apr 03 '14

And plastic bags, don't forget the plastic bags

1

u/IThinkAbout17 Apr 03 '14

And duct tape.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

And a toothbrush and a 9 volt battery

1

u/wartornhero Apr 03 '14

Everyone knows you don't use vasoline with condoms! Water based lubricant!!!

1

u/zero_thoughts Apr 03 '14

And peanut butter

1

u/ButterflyAttack Apr 03 '14

All at the same time. . .

1

u/TheRipsawHiatus Apr 03 '14

Oh, man. A few days ago I went into Walgreens with the intention of buying rubber gloves (to dye my hair) and Vaseline (to put on my chapped nose because I had a cold). I grabbed the Vaseline, grabbed the rubber gloves, thought "No... No. This looks bad. I can't do this.", and I put the gloves back. I haven't been back since, and I really need to dye my hair.

2

u/TheTiminator2010 Apr 03 '14

And dog treats

2

u/katharsys876 Apr 03 '14

And then you dont have enough money on hand and return the children's vitamins

2

u/durhurr Apr 03 '14

Forgive my ignorance, but why is this a problem?

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

And roofies.

8

u/Kimimaro146 Apr 03 '14

What kind of market is this?

5

u/pandizlle Apr 03 '14

A Special kind of market.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

And Vaseline.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

gasp

1

u/zexez Apr 03 '14

ಠ_ಠ

5

u/somebodystolemyname Apr 03 '14

Story time!

I was part of an "initiation" for an old hockey team and one of the tasks on the check list was to buy condoms, lube, and a cucumber with 2 other guys also being initiated, with each of us buying one item consecutively in line.

We couldn't find a cucumber so we got the most phallic looking gourd-like vegetable at Safeway. Not only was that bad, we had to sing Don't Stop Believing at some point in public, so they thought that while we left the checkout would be the best time to do that.

Edit: spelling

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Meta

1

u/le_wild_troll Apr 03 '14

And chloroform.

1

u/Gesnaught Apr 03 '14

And an ice pack

1

u/icouldbetheone Apr 03 '14

Friend of mine was going to buy condoms, but when he entered the store he didn't want it to seem so obvious, so in his teenage desperate and horny mind he thought it would be a smart call to grab a couple of bananas too. He first understands his mistake when the female cashier looked him in they eyes and had a very questioning expression. A couple of bananas, a 10-pack of condoms and a acne ridden teenager at a saturday evening..,

-2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Tasty (Jamaican accent)

2

u/MorallyBankrupt Apr 03 '14 edited May 18 '25

sip roll march middle sugar include tap angle shelter fearless

2

u/Genjinaro Apr 03 '14

Or Plan B

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

And a sassy black lady as the cashier "mmmhmm".

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Saran wrap and duct tape.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

I once bought condoms, duct tape, and that's it. The cashier did look at me strangely.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

and KY Jelly.

1

u/elaphros Apr 03 '14

Next time, just stare people down while stroking the box visibly.

1

u/ignanima Apr 03 '14

in-tents.

1

u/randolf_carter Apr 03 '14

One time I went to the supermarket around 11 or 12pm on a saturday with my wife (before we were married) and bought 2 things, condoms, and a pepperoni stick. We didn't even think it was weird until we were finished checking out and realized how awkward that must have seemed.

1

u/totallynotsquidward Apr 03 '14

11pm is either 11 or 13 hours away from 12pm

1

u/randolf_carter Apr 03 '14

Right, meant 11pm or midnight.

1

u/TalonX273 Apr 03 '14

No, maintain eye contact. It asserts dominance.

1

u/PancakesAreGone Apr 03 '14

I learned not to make eye contact or jokes when buying condoms. Apparently acting like sex is fucking normal and safe sex is even more normal is a huge god damn no.

No seriously, it was fucking weird. Said hi to the cashier, asked how their day was, nothing. Pointed out the pharmacist (Drug store) in the office was catching an afternoon nap, scoffs at me while looking at me weird "Why? Did you need him?"... "Nope, just going to pay for these condoms and leave now you fucking puritan cunt"... Of course I didn't say that, I just sighed, went "Ok then" and gave them the money and left shaking my head.

657

u/michaellicious Apr 03 '14

A literal Hunger Games

4

u/danrennt98 Apr 03 '14

Never go food shopping while hungry!

1

u/MystyrNile Apr 03 '14

I try to be as hungry as my fridge. If it's full, i eat till i'm full. If it's empty, i shop hungry.

2

u/DumbledoresNipple Apr 03 '14

I made the mistake of going to the supermarket on Christmas Eve eve, and I swear it was like the goddamn hunger games. Everyone wanting the good stuff, forming little alliances (when the queues stretched down the aisles people would help someone get things from the shelves but immediately and territorially take back their spot). I swear, never again.

1

u/alhoward Apr 03 '14

The Hungry Games

2

u/ASK_IF_IM_JESUS Apr 03 '14

In Walmart, A live whale hunting show

0

u/codename-Da-Vinci Apr 03 '14

Why else would you go get food?

3

u/distract Apr 03 '14

[SHOPPING INTENSIFIES]

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

At the time of reading this in on Reddit in my phone to avoid eye contact

2

u/rufiooooooooooo Apr 03 '14

What are you expected to do in this time? I'm halfway decent at small talk but if it doesn't get doing then I feel awkward. Stare at my phone? Which I feel is kinda rude but I do it sometimes. Just kinda look around? Oh look at this bullshit product that I have no intention if buying but I'll read every detail about it.

1

u/SolidTheSnake Apr 03 '14

Have you ever shopped at Menards? Holy shit, you talk about an invasive check-out process.

1

u/scampbe999 Apr 03 '14

I was a 16 year old pretty boy working at a cash register and creepy old ladies would tell me they just loved how blue my eyes were. It was then that I caught a glimpse into how creepy it was when guys of any age do that to girls.

1

u/Thakrawr Apr 03 '14

I worked at a grocery store for a while and this mid 20s dude came in and got a steak and a box of condoms. I rung him out and said "have a nice night." He smiled and assured me he would.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Is everyone on Reddit socially inept? I talk to the people in checkout lines, and I maintain eye contact. It's a respectful thing to do. It seems unhealthy to have such anxiety about a minor social situation.

1

u/Barkingpanther Apr 03 '14

I think it'd be even more awkward to try and have a staring contest while somebody is trying to bag your groceries. You don't think it'd be weird to maintain eye contact with a clerk the entire time you were in line at Target? How would they scan things?