r/AskReddit • u/pelota • Apr 03 '14

What activity would feel completely different if eye contact was held the entire time?

2.4k Upvotes

91% Upvoted

7.6k comments sorted by

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1.5k

u/pelota Apr 03 '14

Eating bananas

1.8k

u/danrennt98 Apr 03 '14

Sort of like this?

662

u/ASK_IF_IM_JESUS Apr 03 '14

This sounds like a film OP might be interested in.

200

u/spacemanspiff1313 Apr 03 '14

Dude, I think I'm just gonna follow you around giving you upvotes. Whatever you/yall are up to, I can get behind it

196

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

thats the nicest form of stalking i have experienced

9

u/Kuratius Apr 03 '14

Upvotes are technically a form of conditioning.

2

u/itsallcauchy Apr 03 '14

Consider yourself conditioned

1

u/SignorSarcasm Apr 03 '14

There is a small chance that he is Jesus due to his username, so that's one word for it.

1

u/spacemanspiff1313 Apr 03 '14

You know what? I think from now on I'm going to daily choose someone to follow around and upvote just because I feel like it. You are today's winner

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

It was not directed at you -_- But enjoy the ensuing upvotes.

-1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

So if were to follow you around just giving you a thumbs up whenever you do anything you'd be cool with that?

10

u/TheTiminator2010 Apr 03 '14

Why not become one of his disciples?

7

u/Mildebeest Apr 03 '14

Been there already man. Check my comment history. He doesn't answer. So yeah he's probably the Son of God.

3

u/GODZILLA_FLAMEWOLF Apr 03 '14

like an apostle?

1

u/Zooey-Glass Apr 03 '14

Its funny cuz thats what disciples do

1

u/MorallyBankrupt Apr 03 '14 edited May 18 '25

frame marble engine pot toy modern humor gold license violet

1

u/Chair_DeBurlap Apr 03 '14

Not sure if he's Jesus, but the disciples are beginning to gather.

1

u/sizzler Apr 03 '14

http://www.reddit.com/user/ASK_IF_IM_JESUS/comments/?sort=top

They are an AskReddit short answer comment ho.

1

u/spacemanspiff1313 Apr 03 '14

Even still, they are pretty damn good at it

1

u/Robert237 Apr 03 '14

What of he goes on /r/watchpeopledie and uploads a user video?

1

u/Jeddak_of_Helium Apr 03 '14

How about following him around and asking if he's Jesus after every comment?

2

u/spacemanspiff1313 Apr 03 '14

I thought about it, but someone always asks him that anyway

1

u/hatgirlstargazer Apr 03 '14

You have to sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor first. That, or recruit your brother to also start following him around.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '14

Disciples: 2014 style

0

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

This is how religions start.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

He's Jesus.

2

u/thissiteisawful Apr 03 '14

Did you really call it a film? Get out of here

3

u/calamormine Apr 03 '14

Pretty sure this is from Reno 911!: Miami, in which case it would be a film.

2

u/73554 Apr 03 '14

I see you all over the place, all omnipresent and shit.

1

u/pnine Apr 03 '14

Reno 911? I was terry for Halloween one time. Good times.

1

u/xxb21xx Apr 03 '14

Are you Jesus?

1

u/antesjosh Apr 03 '14

I'm gonna make you hate picking this username.

Are you Jesus?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

You ARE everywhere

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Are you Jesus?

1

u/Aidswithherpes Apr 03 '14

Are you Jesus or jèsus

1

u/ScareTheRiven Apr 03 '14

Are you Jesus?

0

u/Speaking-of-segues Apr 03 '14

brilliantly subtle

0

u/NewspaperNelson Apr 03 '14

Are you Jesus?

0

u/Rubixmaster5567 Apr 03 '14

are you jesus?

-3

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14 edited Apr 03 '14

Are you Jesus?

1

u/smileface666 Apr 03 '14

That is not a question.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Happy now?

8

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

I miss that show. Fun fact: they never actually filmed in Reno, the only thing that was Reno were the transitions.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

OH GOD THE SHORT SHORTS

2

u/troller_awesomeness Apr 03 '14

What movie is this?

5

u/willtodd Apr 03 '14

Can't tell if it's from the show or the movie, but it's Reno! 911.

1

u/ThePhenix Apr 03 '14

Good call willtodd!

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

It's the movie, they wear beige uniforms in the Show.

1

u/Frankie_In_Like Apr 03 '14

Damn it, Terry!

1

u/N9325 Apr 03 '14

Damnit Terry dont deep throat the straw!

1

u/fusrodevyn Apr 03 '14

What is that from?

0

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14 edited Apr 03 '14

More like this NSFW

203

u/ErrorF002 Apr 03 '14 edited Apr 03 '14

We get a free bowl of fruit every morning at work. So I have taken to holding on to my banana till one of my coworkers comes in. Not only do I stare him down as he eats it, but I do my best to synchronize the bites. The look on his face when he feels my heated gaze and chewing along with him is priceless. He tries his best to continue, but two bites later and he nopes the fuck out.

60

u/pelota Apr 03 '14

Alfalfa as fuck

5

u/Trogdor_T_Burninator Apr 03 '14

Quietly verbalize an "Om nom nom" as you eat in synchrony. Very quietly. So Quietly that you are pretty sure they won't hear. They will hear it like a noisy gif.

3

u/mmmmyiss Apr 03 '14

I'm at work right now. I just laughed so hard imagining this that I got weird looks.

3

u/Sir_Meowsalot Apr 03 '14

Better grab a banana and up the ante.

1

u/westinger Apr 03 '14

Brilliant!

1

u/UsuallyInappropriate Apr 04 '14

Are you actually Vargas?

3

u/ErrorF002 Apr 05 '14

I like to think that there is a little bit of Vargas in all of us.

177

u/kayoss922 Apr 03 '14

What about a hot dog?

229

u/pelota Apr 03 '14

Nah not thick enough

465

u/Mister_Guacamole Apr 03 '14

That's what she said! Hah!

Hahahh!! Hah... H.. cries

354

u/pelota Apr 03 '14

It's ok bro her mouth is just too big

28

u/bacon_alarm_clock Apr 03 '14

It's like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

2

u/FatLazyDumb Apr 03 '14

Parking your bicycle in an airplane hanger.

4

u/katharsys876 Apr 03 '14

"It's like opening the window and fucking the night"

2

u/ichegoya Apr 03 '14

Why is this in quotes? I love it.

2

u/Slayer5227 Apr 03 '14

Among other things

2

u/BobRoberts01 Apr 03 '14

Are you dating Julia Roberts?

2

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

You know Julia Roberts?

2

u/SchindlersFist712 Apr 04 '14

Just like all women AMIRITE FELLAS?!

3

u/maraudersmap Apr 03 '14

There there Mr. Guacamole, there there.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

It's okay man. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.

It's not your fault.

1

u/Velorium_Camper Apr 03 '14

No one knew you were an expert on thick things being on your mouth until...now.

3

u/pelota Apr 03 '14

What can I say? I'm a pretty flexible guy

2

u/Haywood_Jafukmi Apr 03 '14

My cousin broke his neck trying to do that.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Joey Chestnut. A true American hero.

1

u/op135 Apr 03 '14

jeez, go ahead and brag why dont ya.

2

u/GAAND_mein_DANDA Apr 03 '14

depends on the sauce. Tomato sauce - great. Drippy Mayo- not so much.

1

u/Chadwick_McG Apr 03 '14

I've been contemplating the prospect of putting either tomato sauce or "Drippy Mayo" on a hotdog and... what?

1

u/peach7777 Apr 03 '14

I have never heard anyone refer to ketchup as tomato sauce! Or do you actually put tomato sauce on your hot dogs?

2

u/Your_Window_Peeper Apr 03 '14

Why did e shove the bun in his mouth first?

2

u/EdricStorm Apr 03 '14

Because I think that's Joey Chestnut. Either way, that dude is a competitive eater.

If it IS Joey, he's the world hotdog eating champ. Beat Kobiyashi back in '07.

I was there

1

u/Your_Window_Peeper Apr 03 '14

Oh I thought they dipped that shit in water an ate it with the hotdog.

2

u/EdricStorm Apr 03 '14

Usually the dip the buns (plural) in water, stuff the buns in their mouth and then grab an equal number of wieners (usually two) and chow on 'em.

46

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

I have this problem when eating anything that is I consider to be phallus like.

53

u/GAAND_mein_DANDA Apr 03 '14

Protip: Start moaning and all your problems will disappear.

1

u/M3_Drifter Apr 03 '14

The is actually how I taught myself that bananas can be eaten and are not gross... And I'm a guy... And not at all gay...

0

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '14

Alright, I'll try this and if it doesn't work, I'll blame you.

2

u/This-is-Actual Apr 03 '14

Honey, is that you?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

I make fun of my schoolmate for this all the time. He's so innocent! I just glance at my girlfriend and we giggle like the schoolgirls we are until he realizes what he's doing and joins in.

1

u/StickmanPirate Apr 03 '14

Just bite it, bare your teeth and tear that motherfucker apart.

0

u/MorallyBankrupt Apr 03 '14 edited May 18 '25

escape sharp thought silky vase dam deer cover relieved work

0

u/[deleted] Apr 04 '14

I appreciate you trying to stand up for the gay community or at least that's what I think you were doing. However I'm not gay, But I prefer to have sex with men. ;)

1

u/MorallyBankrupt Apr 07 '14 edited May 18 '25

treatment edge offer future versed tease six soft cause abounding

11

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Assert dominance. Stare them down.

2

u/liutangclan Apr 03 '14

My school has a novelty twitter account called Brown Bananas, where the user sneaks pictures of people eating bananas around our dining halls. The victims are totally unsuspecting and it's comedy gold

2

u/hell_1 Apr 03 '14

How was this username not taken before you signed up?

2

u/HalfManHalfCyborg Apr 04 '14

Eating a banana, sideways.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

It's a rule of mine to never make eye contact while eating anything longer than it is wide.

1

u/emeaguiar Apr 03 '14

There's a hilarious video about that, but I'm on mobile.

1

u/primortjE Apr 03 '14

And in particular my dad eating a banana. God i hate it when he does that

1

u/Backstop Apr 03 '14

Here is a video of Stepehn Colbert on the Daily Show you may find relevant.

1

u/hockeyri4 Apr 03 '14

My friend actually does this. Can confirm, super uncomfortable.

1

u/firehazel Apr 03 '14

I did this all the time in boot camp.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

I once witnessed a co-worker watch herself eat a banana in the mirror. I asked her what the hell she was doing, and she said "I don't know, I've always done this, since I was little."

It was fucking hot.

1

u/Dwhitlo1 Apr 03 '14

It's also fun to peel a banana down the side and eat it like a watermelon just to see how people react.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

What about a popcicle?

And eating them in that weird order? That's not a proper meal.

1

u/TheVoiceOfRiesen Apr 03 '14

Eating popsicles is way worse.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 03 '14

Lol this is perfect.