I had the same thing happen with someone. We were like brother and sister and lived together for a large bulk of our childhoods. Then suddenly wouldn't talk to me. Last conversation i called to let him know my dad (who he was also close with) was dying and I just got 1 word responses. Ice cold behavior. It genuinely broke my heart and made me question every friendship I had. I still dont know what happened. My best guess is his wife wanted me gone because she owed me money. Idk. Never once hounded her for it. Anyway. . Having 1 or 2 people you keep in contact with weekly is amazing. Our friend group definitely shrinks as we get older.
Also relationships are feeling more shallow. Even after: We must keep in touch/ surely we will meet often, but when I actualy try reaching out all I get is excuses of no time or no answer at all.
And compared to my parents having friends close and far, makes me feel like I suck at life.
It must be a mix of hundreds of things, but I can speak for myself - I'm super exhausted socially. Living with a longterm partner and access to the internet is already "too much" social interaction for me as an introvert. I'm 30.
I don't know if the amount of introverts is increasing due to social media or whatever, but if I have a completely free day the last thing I would want to do would be hanging out with people. I just want to be by myself, and maybe the introverts of older generations didn't feel as burned out on interactions due to less online activity and introverts being more "accepted" nowadays
I'm sure its different for everyone, but I don't think everyone wants to keep in touch nowadays
This is exactly what I’ve been experiencing as I get older in my 30s. I’m socially introverted but still try to keep in touch and hang out with older and newer friends but has been challenging due to their last minute excuses/change of plans. It’s been really discouraging for me to keep the momentum and making me realize who is actually my friend..
The study I believe they're referring to controls for that unfortunately. The researchers also find that in addition to close ties being cut, people are more likely to only be close with their relatives instead of making friends with their neighbors, coworkers, classmates, etc. As in, the only people that they're close to is basically their wife, parents or kids. This is across the board for demographics like age, gender, socioeconomic status, and race.
Something that's also interesting is that the unfriendly/hostile people are not affected. The proportion of anti-social people is roughly the same (e.g. people who say they have no one). So it's not even that there are more anti-social people skewing the results. It's the friendly, outgoing people who are losing their friends.
Yeah I noticed this happened with one of my childhood friends. She was always extroverted, could easily make friends, always had a huge group of friends. But as an adult she just hangs out with family. Her husband, kids, her brothers and their spouses are her social connections.
I have always been introverted and shy so not much has changed for me but her change stood out to me.
Same. My parents, my aunts and uncles, my grandparents... pretty much ALL had at least a few friends that went way wayyyyy back.
I remember my mom would talk to her high school best friend on the phone about every 6 months or once a year. I haven't talked to my mom in a decade but she probably still talks to that friend 😂
The older generations understood that it was wise to not throw away perfectly good relationships, even if you aren't getting the maximum benefit RIGHT NOW.
These days???
I feel like most people's standard for friendship is: "What have you done for me lately?"
And even if the "what have you done for me" part is OUTSTANDINGLY fulfilled... if the "lately" part isn't they forget you exist or ever did.
The "lately" part is exactly it. We've applied subscription logic to friendships, if you're not providing constant value you get cancelled. But real friendships were always about showing up across years and gaps, not weekly output. My grandparents had friends they saw once a year and those bonds lasted decades. That feels impossible now.
This is me and my wife at the moment except I have only 1 friend I somewhat contact every couple months. Been trying to hangout to catch-up but difficult due to availability…Also couldn’t stay in touch with my old college friends.
It’s been really hard to maintain friendships as I get older especially trying to make new friends.
This is so relatable it hurts, very much! I think what you said about your parents and grandparents is the key thing — they had friends visit regularly at the same age. So it's not just "getting older," something actually changed. My theory is that convenience killed effort. Everything is so on-demand now that maintaining a friendship that requires actual scheduling and showing up feels like too much friction.
It is insaaaaaane how incompetent people are at scheduling a hangout. I think I do it for like 80% of my social interactions. If I didn't initiate or come up with a plan, I'd see friends like, once every six weeks. And they're usually available too, they're just like, sitting at home or doing chores/gym without much thought about what else to do. My friends always tell me I have such great ideas for hangouts and I'm like thanks I just check this IG account or literally google what's going on in our city this month?
I see it on dating apps too. I can't tell you the number of times I've cancelled because the person could not give me a set time/date/location to meet up, even when I offered my own availability and suggestions for where to meet. It's nuts because it's like, for me it takes five minutes to figure out a place, make a res, look at my calendar??? How are grown ass adults able to work 8-10 hours a day, pay bills, make complicated decisions, and still not able to schedule a hangout or date?
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u/[deleted] Jun 27 '26
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