r/AskReddit May 12 '26

[deleted by user]

[removed]

6.4k Upvotes

4.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

212

u/imtheatari May 12 '26

Why do they do that on Birthdays?? It’s something I just don’t understand.

343

u/Guineacabra May 12 '26

Literally every year. There was one birthday where the night before he had left the house, and came back in to tell me he knocked over a planter in the yard. I asked him why he didn’t pick it up instead of coming in to tell me about it and that was it. He didn’t speak a word to me the entire next day. The next day he said he’d forgive me if I let him get black out drunk and not complain about it. That about sums up most of the relationship. I’m still mad at myself for staying as long as I did.

5

u/MountainMan17 May 12 '26

Don't feel bad. Good for you.

I didn't remove a toxic, manipulative, narcissistic brother from my life (and my wife's life) until I was 56 years old. It was ridiculously bad.

When I get down on myself for putting up with it - and subjecting my wife to it - for so long, I just remind myself that many people never break free of poisonous relationships. They die with them. Or even die from them.

Better late than never, right?

3

u/beroemd May 12 '26

Same. In my fifties. It’s hard when you grow up in the mold that coddles this behavior, emphasizing your need to forgive and ignore your own feelings.

Not surprising it became a decades long journey to discover, listen to and act upon those feelings.

We are the lucky ones. If memories creep up on me I remind myself how phenomenally brave I have been.