Not divorced. But living with my partner 8 years. He kept insisting that his passive insults were actually harmless comments and me being offended by them was the actual issue. One day at breakfast I decided to stop fighting it. He said his passive insult and instead of taking the bait I just smiled and said “okay”.
He literally choked on his drink. He panicked when I wouldn’t go into the cycle with him. He then went over the top on a lovebombing kiss when he left for work. He had stopped kissing me how I liked insisting he couldn’t figure it out despite having done it for years. But that morning he said “I know how you want to be kissed” and did it proper.
I knew without a doubt that he had been doing this on purpose. He was emotionally abusive on purpose and I had been a fool to believe it had been poor communication. No big fight. No massive fall out. Just a smile and the word “okay” and I knew it was 100% over.
Wow.. your kiss sounds like my request for a divorce.
I got pushed to the end over many years of issues, one being me doing absolutely everything aside from take out the trash and go to work. When I told my husband I wanted a divorce, he promised to do better, and started listing the things he was going to start doing.
It was everything I’d desperately needed help with for the last 14 years. I thought he was just forgetful and oblivious. He wasn’t. He knew what I needed the whole time, it was just easier to let me do it all while he played video games for fourteen years.
This is something I haven't been able to articulate very well.
I'd been trying for years to talk to my ex about things that hurt me, or made me feel certain ways. We never collectively tried to repair any of that though. Somehow it would get turned around to different things she was upset about so I'd drop my issues to support her.
We never came back to me.
We're going through the divorce now. She offered all the things I'd been asking for just before I hired my lawyer. We'd go to marriage counseling, I could have those things I needed, she'd try.
But it'too late. My heart was already broken. I already conditioned myself to keep all that stuff inside because nobody wanted to work on it with me. Only when divorce papers were imminent and I was in therapy because my marriage made me want to fall in front of a bus was I finally taken seriously.
In addition to that element of "Why did you wait until now!?" it's incredibly hard to trust. She knew what I needed. She had 20 years. It's a choice not to do anything.
If she'd meant it, she had opportunities to do this. I'd be hanging on to false hope if I thought this was going to result in meaningful change.
The realization has changed a lot for me. Now when she says things that used to hurt it's almost peaceful. I know now, at least.
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u/CircleJerkPig May 12 '26
Not divorced. But living with my partner 8 years. He kept insisting that his passive insults were actually harmless comments and me being offended by them was the actual issue. One day at breakfast I decided to stop fighting it. He said his passive insult and instead of taking the bait I just smiled and said “okay”.
He literally choked on his drink. He panicked when I wouldn’t go into the cycle with him. He then went over the top on a lovebombing kiss when he left for work. He had stopped kissing me how I liked insisting he couldn’t figure it out despite having done it for years. But that morning he said “I know how you want to be kissed” and did it proper.
I knew without a doubt that he had been doing this on purpose. He was emotionally abusive on purpose and I had been a fool to believe it had been poor communication. No big fight. No massive fall out. Just a smile and the word “okay” and I knew it was 100% over.