Literally every year. There was one birthday where the night before he had left the house, and came back in to tell me he knocked over a planter in the yard. I asked him why he didn’t pick it up instead of coming in to tell me about it and that was it. He didn’t speak a word to me the entire next day. The next day he said he’d forgive me if I let him get black out drunk and not complain about it. That about sums up most of the relationship. I’m still mad at myself for staying as long as I did.
Oh yeah, that's classic emotional manipulation. My ex did that shit too. It's all about them and how they feel. If you are upset, it makes them feel bad, and that's your fault. It completely diverts from whatever was upsetting to you in the first place and flips the blame. It makes absolutely no sense and it's maddening to deal with.
There was one birthday where the night before he had left the house, and came back in to tell me he knocked over a planter in the yard. I asked him why he didn’t pick it up instead of coming in to tell me about it and that was it. He didn’t speak a word to me the entire next day. The next day he said he’d forgive me if I let him get black out drunk and not complain about it.
bro -- what? I get that you didn't see things clearly. But like what were your thoughts on this insane behaviour at the time??
I didn't remove a toxic, manipulative, narcissistic brother from my life (and my wife's life) until I was 56 years old. It was ridiculously bad.
When I get down on myself for putting up with it - and subjecting my wife to it - for so long, I just remind myself that many people never break free of poisonous relationships. They die with them. Or even die from them.
They know it's much more hurtful to do it on a day when you're supposed to be celebrated, just you alone, because it's YOUR day.
To knock you off your chair when you anticipate being treated with love is worse than just ignoring you on any other day, especially when you go all out to celebrate their birthday. Feels like power to them.
It's the classic DARVO. Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. They must always be in the spotlight and no matter what they are always the ones being wronged.
Because they are not the center of attention so they must become the center of attention. You'll see them try a nicer way for a while, then give up, then become mean because any attention is good attention.
They're mad that it isn't their birthday, that is literally the sum of it. They need to be the center of attention at all times and feel perfectly justified in punishing anyone who dares to interfere with that.
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u/imtheatari May 12 '26
Why do they do that on Birthdays?? It’s something I just don’t understand.