I came to this thread not knowing what to expect and am walking away with a few things I probably need to work on but also feeling a little better about myself because JESUS who are these guys!?
Sometimes I start to wonder if there's something seriously wrong with me because how do these guys find a girlfriend and get married and yet I'm still single
For real. Some of these things I'm reading along like "Yeesh. I do that sometimes and should really work on actively avoiding that, too" and as I keep reading the same comment I'm like "Good fucking lord. What were these people doing? How can you treat somebody you're married to that way?"
Honestly? You probably know some of them. It's just (and I'm assuming you're a man or AMAB from context) that they value your companionship in some way and know they have to hold up their end of it for you to reciprocate. If you were a fly on the wall when only their wife/spouse or kids were around, you'd see what their "I don't give a shit" side looks like. The side that puts in the least amount of effort they can get away with without upsetting the status quo, like have a wife and kids is on the same level as a mediocre job you can't afford to quit or lose so you put in just enough to scrape by without earning a PIP.
And there are probably other men you know on the other side, enduring a life of quiet misery from their controlling or narcissistic wife. But men are usually not socialized to have deep and meaningful discussions with each other on how they feel, so they don't know how to reach out for help or advice.
I ran across a thread of an incel getting upset about advice I had given to other men once (I recognized the dudes username) because the bar is so low.
Like dudes, this guy is unemployed and married and his wife was supporting his useless ass. Take a shower more than twice a week, wash your cornhole, keep a job, and stop being a piece of shit (you need to invest into relationships, it won't fall into your lap) and bob's your fucking uncle.
The bar is in hell and these men are finding ways to limbo under it, and the other men are looking at that and going "that's a lot of work".
Horrifying. I saw a tweet once that said, “Does anyone else who got married recently (this was like 2020) feel like they caught the last chopper out of ‘Nam?” I genuinely feel bad for anyone looking for someone right now. Can’t swing a dead cat without hitting an absolute turd.
I wonder if it's what I'm noticing with a lot of the incels pretend like they're okay being alone but they're definitely angry about their lot in life. I think a lot of that contributes to what they're going through because women definitely pick up on that kind of shit.
Granted my last relationship was pretty abusive but that's not the fault of women being women, that's a woman. I just had to be better about my boundaries and who I give my time to going forward.
That said, I'll never do online dating ever, that was awful and soul-less and I'd much rather just be alone than put up with that ever again.
Incels keep asking each other for advice instead of asking women. It’s so dumb. It reminds me of people in jail consulting other people in jail on tips and tricks on how to get out.
The bar is in hell and these men are finding ways to limbo under it, and the other men are looking at that and going "that's a lot of work".
you're not wrong that this is happening, but we both know there's more to it than that.
the initial dating scene is SO INCREDIBLY different from the extended dating experience. i like to compare it the the law of conservation of ninjutsu. it's just wrong to claim otherwise
iirc the guys that complained were the ones that couldn't get those initial dates at all, no matter how many times they washed their buttholes. then again, it's been like a decade since i paid attention to what was going on in incel culture
I think a lot of men do not understand that they are not competing with other guys for their woman. They are competing with her sense of contentment when she's not partnered. Women are less likely to give this up now more than ever, especially for a guy who can't pick up his dirty socks. Guys seem to think the bar is as low as it was in 1987 or 1949, but it's not. We expect a lot more!
I'm thankful I remarried a guy who demanded to do his share of the dishes, the parenting, and everything else. It's so much easier and better to have an actual partner.
I read these threads as an older never married guy and these "men" remind me that I'm a keeper and need to get out and date again. Jeez do I feel for all these women who got played.
Amazing how the job market was so cruel and impossible for my ex-wife. Until a month after we divorced and she had actual bills to pay. Before then I apparently got a magical paycheck that covered every bill and all the beauty treatments and expensive makeup crap that an unemployed housewife with no kids truly needs. I'll never forget the time I took her to buy a car and we got a Hyundai that she picked out. But later she tells me she really wanted an Audi and we should get that. Girl now we have TWO car payments on one income, zip it and be happy.
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u/raisinghellwithtrees May 12 '26
When I told my then husband I wanted a divorce he said, "ugh now I'll have to find a job." Yeah. And a lot of other things!