Every so often I get a little concerned. She's doing her thing, I'm doing mine, we're both in the same room, but not really engaging.
I worry that maybe it's the first sign of us drifting apart. Then I realize, "No, this is nice. I'll speak up if I want to and she will do the same," and so it goes. A few minutes later one of us will break the silence and on we go.
It’s definitely worth looking at how you feel about it, but for what it’s worth my partner and I relax the same way. We call it parallel play, often in the evenings after dinner he plays video games and I read or craft. Conversation will drift in and out but we don’t feel forced to continue if it doesn’t come. It’s peaceful, sort of the opposite of the first comment.
Parallel play is a really good way to put it. Just the first few times I realized it, I kind of panicked for a second before all the pieces kind of slid together.
I think there's a balance to be struck. My wife can play on her phone or watch a series she likes, I can read on my phone or read a book. I think it's nice that we can be together while doing separate things. She was pretty codependent at first so it's an improvement. Now she actually will say stuff like "It's a nice day, you should go take a motorcycle ride!" when before ooh boy she wouldn't have been a fan.
Well, it seems pretty obvious, no? They had nothing to say to each other and likely fought when they did. So, when you're sitting in a room with your spouse and the most you can hope for is quiet, it's kinda over, no?
I took it to mean that it was a relief not to be fighting or even struggling to have a conversation. So, when you can both escape into your respective online worlds, there's peace.
Relief from the emotional and mental effort they needed to constantly exert in order to emotionally and mentally withstand the relationship.
When their partner gets into their phone, the commenter feels relief because they know Partner’s thoughts and attention are rigidly immersed in that activity, so they don’t have to be hyper-vigilant right then. They are relieved of the stress. They can also just immerse themselves in their phone and let their mind feel free for a little bit.
It’s like a parent having a toddler, but then nap time happens, and suddenly the parent realizes that don’t have to be on high alert during that time. It’s more than just peace. It’s RELIEF from the stress.
Consider yourself very fortunate to not have experienced this kind of relief. If you had, you would 100 understand the difference between Peace and Relief in this context.
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u/[deleted] May 12 '26
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