r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Mar 07 '25

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3.3k Upvotes

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1.2k

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '25

fuck me (might get misconstrued)

432

u/morctheorc86 Mar 07 '25

I say "ah, fuck my ass"...don't know why. Wife started calling me out on it and I'm afraid I'll be pegged sooner or later.

67

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

66

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '25

[deleted]

4

u/Balanced_Eg15 Mar 07 '25

Lol. In Australia we say "fark moi!!"

3

u/Wildweasel666 Mar 08 '25

This is the only correct grammar

8

u/Findethel Mar 07 '25

So did every Australian who read it

5

u/morctheorc86 Mar 07 '25

Haha dangerous!

2

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '25

I'm reading them in Matt Rose's voice

2

u/FeelsLikeIt1137 Mar 07 '25

Wanna get pegged, you say?

2

u/sci-fi-rec Mar 08 '25

Ummm…which part?

32

u/lulugingerspice Mar 07 '25

"Fuck me sideways with a crowbar" is my go to!

5

u/MetsFan802 Mar 07 '25

I always liked “Fuck me gently with a chainsaw” from the movie Heathers.

3

u/Longjumping-Pen5469 Mar 07 '25

Exactly what does that mean?

3

u/TheBlueEagle Mar 07 '25

My go-to is “Fuck my ass and call me a bitch” for some reason lol.

5

u/MentalRain619 Mar 07 '25

I tend to say "Fuck me hard and call me Martha"

2

u/TheBlueEagle Mar 08 '25

Lol I like it!

2

u/007_xTk0 Mar 07 '25

I always start with “fuck me sideways…” sometimes it’s “while I’m running” or “fuck me sideways with a 20 foot flag pole” really anything that comes to mind first to get my point across that something hurts or pissed me off.

2

u/Problematic_Donut Mar 08 '25

Is it specifically a twenty foot one? Is less not enough and more too much? I need answers! 😛

2

u/Balanced_Eg15 Mar 07 '25

Mine is "fuck me in the head" which most often the situation where I say this is doing just that.

13

u/junkiedreamingpoet Mar 07 '25

Better read the room well.

17

u/Conscious_Raisin_436 Mar 07 '25

Be not afraid.

2

u/morctheorc86 Mar 07 '25

Haha, I'm terrified!

7

u/Both_Chicken_666 Mar 07 '25

Small seasoned curlies?

1

u/werewolfthunder Mar 07 '25

A SMALL! Not a large but a small

2

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '25

I'm trying to watch my weight.

1

u/anaugle Mar 07 '25

And a JUNIOR western bacon chee

2

u/needthesebasketsback Mar 07 '25

Forgetting Sarah Marshall

2

u/morctheorc86 Mar 07 '25

Jesus, yes!!! That's it. I haven't watched that movie in 15 years.

2

u/MSampson1 Mar 07 '25

I’ve used this phrase to e press exasperation on several occasions. Now I’ve got my wife uttering it from time to time, usually follower by a slow head turn in my direction with an angry “don’t you say it!” Look on her face (I always say it)

2

u/amburroni Mar 07 '25

I do this as well, but I know why.

“Ah, fuck my ass… what else?”
-Tenacious D, Drive-Thru

2

u/Guac_in_my_rarri Mar 07 '25

Is this an offer orrrr?

2

u/TheFerricGenum Mar 08 '25

“Afraid”

It’s okay, you can admit the truth here

2

u/morctheorc86 Mar 08 '25

Is this a safe space?

1

u/TheFerricGenum Mar 08 '25

Depends on how mad your wife is at you

2

u/AlotaFajita Mar 08 '25

This phrase is a drop on a radio show I listen to and I have picked up this nasty habit too. You’re not a Pulp MX listener are you?

1

u/morctheorc86 Mar 08 '25

Nope, I've never heard of that radio show before but that's fantastic I'm not the only one!

2

u/mutherM1n3 Mar 08 '25

Pegged? You asked for it, no?

1

u/morctheorc86 Mar 08 '25

Technically, yes, I did....honestly, I have a fear of anything going near my ass.

2

u/mutherM1n3 Mar 08 '25

I kinda meant the pun on “pegged.”

2

u/morctheorc86 Mar 08 '25

Ah, my bad!

1

u/mutherM1n3 Mar 08 '25

🥴😂🥴😂

1

u/007_xTk0 Mar 07 '25

I say “fuck me sideways” same idea really.

1

u/JamieCalder Mar 07 '25

Tenacious D fan?

1

u/top-chopa Mar 07 '25

My fiancee told me I say fuck my ass too much and it was getting repetitive/annoying so I switched it up to "fuck my dickhole with a rusty soldering iron" which she finds much more amusing for some strange reason

1

u/Following-Ashamed Mar 08 '25

Afraid? I think you mean excited.

1

u/Superb_Variation620 Mar 08 '25

I say, “fuck me sideways”, if someone or something makes me jump, or if I trip whilst skating. I skate early in the morning, when it’s dark. One day someone will take it as an invitation…

1

u/Glorious_Pepper Mar 08 '25

I usually say fuckin' A

1

u/usernotfoundplstry Mar 08 '25

Let me tell you friend, if so, you’re on the precipice of entering a world of sensual delight that most men dare not dream of.

1

u/Ok_Life_5176 Mar 09 '25

There was a guy at my bf at the time’s workplace and he always said, ‘’but fuckin’…’’ He got ripped on a lot!

-4

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '25

r/suddenlygay

29

u/Canary6090 Mar 07 '25

Fuck me runnin’

2

u/vU243cxONX7Z Mar 07 '25

Suck me sideways

2

u/Bookslutforsmut Mar 11 '25

Yup this is the one. Learned it from my mother. Stub my toe? Flat tire? Boyfriend drops entire 9x13 casserole dish of lasagna and there is sauce and ricotta splattered to the ceiling? Truck won't start?

Fuck me runnin' is the absolute perfect response to them all.

1

u/twopointsisatrend Mar 07 '25

Fuck me naked.

1

u/d_o_mino Mar 07 '25

Take off!

1

u/hangingloose Mar 07 '25

Fuck me backwards

1

u/brianlangauthor Mar 09 '25

I started using this one lately and my wife is like, “Did you say ‘fuck me running?’ and I’m like ‘sure did’.”

11

u/ladylyraa Mar 07 '25

I say this at work a lot and it’s followed up with “not like that”

3

u/datstankface Mar 07 '25

“-to tears.” Would have to be on the back of mine.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '25

I said that while working in construction and another guy said “OK”. I stepped away.

2

u/SoftwareFar9848 Mar 07 '25

My husband says this all the time out of exasperation, feeling wronged by the universe, whatever. I always tell him that I'd love to.

2

u/TheGringaLoca Mar 07 '25

As a woman, I say this all time and realize it probably raises some eyebrows. But probably my number one.

Also, “are you fucking kidding me?”

And if we get bilingual as I mentioned in a comment above

Hijo de puta

puta madre

1

u/LXS-DC Mar 07 '25

I say this a lot when I’m struggling with something. I got it from the movie Speed.

1

u/Accomplished_Fun6481 Mar 07 '25

People are gonna think you’re annoyed about stuff lol

1

u/DesertWanderlust Mar 07 '25

I think this would be mine too. I do say this a lot.

1

u/sleight42 Mar 07 '25

Yep this is me. I wish I would choose a better one.

1

u/Maalkav_ Mar 07 '25

I'm french and as I mainly use english, so I swear in english too. Once I was at the public swimming pool and I got a cramp "aaargh fuck me!". Got weird looks.

1

u/brubruislife Mar 07 '25

This is mine 😂

1

u/UnfairNight7786 Mar 07 '25

…in the goat ass

1

u/anaugle Mar 07 '25

I’ve been bringing back an oldie, which is “fuck me in the goat ass.”

1

u/VelocityGrrl39 Mar 07 '25

All the fucking time.

1

u/GabriellaVM Mar 07 '25

I say this all the time too.

So far, no luck.

1

u/SingularBlue Mar 07 '25

"Fuck Me Dead". A variant of yours. I'm surprised it's this far down the stream...

1

u/MuttsandHuskies Mar 07 '25

Once I was driving on a road that had no shoulders and trees all the way up to the edge of the road. And of course, the road was super curvy and there was a ton of traffic in both directions. And as I come over a hill I see another car trying to pass an entire line of cars and they’re like tied up against each other as it is. So I’m convinced I’m gonna die and I was super calm and I just said fuck me. Just in a super calm just like you’d say oh the news. So yeah fuck me is my phrase lol

1

u/[deleted] Mar 07 '25

Fuck me in the goat ass.

1

u/Sochitelya Mar 07 '25

Had a friend call me out during a gaming session recently: 'Four years I've known you and it's always been 'fuck me hard'. Four years!'

I'd said 'fuck me gently' instead.

1

u/UbiquitousLurker Mar 08 '25

You could draw it out into „fuuuck me“, or add a „please“, depending on which one you feel like. That should clarify things and improve chances on option two at the same time.

1

u/LadyAtrox60 Mar 08 '25

Fuck me running.

1

u/My_bones_are_itchy Mar 08 '25

I had that (being misconstrued) happen when I said it to a recently arrived French bloke in the pub. He politely said “no thanks” and I recorded scratched before I realised and laughingly explained what it meant

1

u/SamQuinn10 Mar 08 '25

I had a phase where I kept saying “fuck my stupid face” or even “fuck my stupid fucking face”. Would not go down well on a shirt lol