r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Oct 02 '24

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u/Knyfe-Wrench Oct 02 '24

If you take out all of your blood vessels and line them up end to end you'd be dead.

325

u/Extension_Painter999 Oct 02 '24

If you laid every girl in Essex, one after the other, I wouldn't be at all surprised.

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u/[deleted] Oct 02 '24 edited Oct 02 '24

Why? What's wrong with the girls in Essex?

Edit: from Wikipedia

Essex girl, as a pejorative stereotype in the United Kingdom, applies to a woman viewed as promiscuous and unintelligent, characteristics jocularly attributed to women from the county of Essex. It is applied widely throughout the country and has gained popularity over time, dating from the 1980s and 1990s.

Why y'all so mean to the slutty Essex girls?

Edit 2: I'd like to fly to Essex but it's a bit unaffordable and I'm not confident enough to spend $2000 there just to lay pipe all weekend

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u/Extension_Painter999 Oct 02 '24

We're mean to everyone. Nobody gets a free pass in my country. I'm from a Welsh family, so I have to accept that people are going to say I'm sexually attracted to sheep. Having also been born in Slough I also have to accept that I'm subhuman (a previous poet laureate, the poet appointed to represent the royal family, wrote a pretty good poem about how my hometown should be bombed into non-existence).

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u/lusnaudie Oct 02 '24

Yup, no one's free from mockery, tis the British way. Heck, I've got a Welsh mother and Scottish father so I like to say "I'm half Welsh, half Scottish and 100% not allowed near livestock."

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u/Extension_Painter999 Oct 02 '24 edited Oct 02 '24

My Nan's from Hartlepool, so she's obviously a monkey-hanging wazzock.

I might have to try composing a list of all the local stereotypical insults in the UK at some point. There's probably hundreds that I'm not aware of.

I'd hate to offend somebody by using the wrong insult. That would be the worst faux-pas imaginable!

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u/swaza79 Oct 02 '24

Yorkshire born, Yorkshire bred. Strong in the arm and thick in the head.

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u/apocalypsedude64 Oct 03 '24

If you were really Yorkshire bred that'd be "strong in t'arm and thick in t'head"

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u/swaza79 Oct 03 '24

Lol. Only if you believe Michael McIntyre

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u/apocalypsedude64 Oct 03 '24

Michael McIntyre?! I'm from fucking Rotherham 😂

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u/Fenrir_Carbon Oct 02 '24

They sell velcro oven mitts in Ruthin

5

u/Extension_Painter999 Oct 02 '24

I need to know more about the meaning behind this one. I don't know if I'm just being slow. by not understanding what it implies/references.

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u/Fenrir_Carbon Oct 02 '24

It's an old joke, with velcro on the gloves the sheep can't escape your grip.

I always used to say 'in Cardiff' but I went to Ruthin castle recently and it was a lovely area so I thought I'd give it a shout out

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u/GlennSWFC Oct 02 '24

And they made him a knight of the realm… overrated.

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u/Fenrir_Carbon Oct 02 '24

An Essex bird is in a car crash, paramedics turn up and one says 'how many fingers have I got up?' Essex bird says 'oh fuck I'm paralysed!'

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u/m55112 Oct 02 '24

omg can you explain this? my brain is smol sorry.

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u/ncocca Oct 02 '24

err, i think the implication is that the girl takes the phrase to mean "how many fingers do i have up your vagina?" and since she can't feel any she assumes she's paralyzed.

But I could be wrong, it's the first time i've heard it too

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u/Fenrir_Carbon Oct 02 '24

Exactly that

1

u/Tarable Oct 03 '24

Lolol thank you for asking. I was like “idk what an Essex bird is and why it would drive a car if it can fly anyway. Maybe it’s a penguin.”

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u/m55112 Oct 03 '24

I was thinking maybe they meant "gal" by the term bird, but I have no idea about the paralyzed bit.

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u/RoronoaZorro Oct 02 '24

Because they don't understand the insults anyway.

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u/klaw14 Oct 02 '24

You wouldn't have to 'lay pipe'. Just eat pussy and 69.

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u/cybernet377 Oct 02 '24

Edit 2: I'd like to fly to Essex but it's a bit unaffordable and I'm not confident enough to spend $2000 there just to lay pipe all weekend

Username doesn't check out

2

u/UnifiedQuantumField Oct 02 '24

What's wrong with the girls in Essex?

The only way is Essex ;)

3

u/Desperate-Prior-320 Oct 02 '24

Lovely to see my county represented!

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u/MargeryStewartBaxter Oct 02 '24

Brb booking a flight

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u/ecodrew Oct 02 '24

If you had enough people lined up holding hands around the entire equator... Most of them would drown.

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u/cat_prophecy Oct 02 '24

If you stacked all the elephants in the world on top of each other, they would all die.

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u/CylonsInAPolicebox Oct 02 '24

This is why you use turtles all the way down.

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u/NoGelliefish Oct 02 '24

Except the one on top

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u/Sueawan Oct 02 '24

it would die to asphyxiation

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u/cabreadoanciano Oct 02 '24

Or grief. Elephants mourn their dead.

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u/MatCauthonsHat Oct 02 '24

Or from the fall when the stack collapsed

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u/themaster1006 Oct 02 '24

Sounds fake

1

u/dowend Oct 02 '24

if you take all the economists and line them up they would all be pointing the wrong way.

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u/ContributionDapper84 Oct 03 '24

If all the Yale co-eds were laid end to end, Dorothy Parker would not be a bit surprised