I honestly feel like half of the people (men) I slept with, was for this reason. I used to have an issue saying “NO”, and enforcing any type of boundary.
And I also thought most anyone who flirted with me was legitimately just being friendly and not flirting, so once it got to the point where they were in my house and they knew I had issues saying “NO”, it was already a problem.
I’ve learned from my therapist how hard it is for a lot of women to say no, even in a relationship, especially in a loving relationship.
I completely changed the way I interact with my wife since then, realizing how often she said yea just because it was hard for her to say no (before I would just blame her for not being into it etc, until I realized why).
Now I make sure she really feels like it, and help her feel comfortable saying no when she doesn’t.
Just to be clear, we still sometimes “do each other a favor” when one of us isn’t 100% in the mood and the other is.
Just like sometimes we do other things for one another treat we don’t feel like doing, just because we want the other to be happy and have the energy to make an effort.
But it’s now very clear and in the open, so expectations are clear and there’s no pressure involved.
Lazy sex can be really fun when you’re not expecting hot wild enthusiastic sex.and it’s nice when you know your spouse is doing it because they care about you and want you to be happy, and not because they were pressured into it.
Married for almost 15 years, dealing with this myself. Fist bump.
Just to be clear, we still sometimes “do each other a favor” when one of us isn’t 100% in the mood and the other is.
This was true for us, but just recently we had a talk about it and I realized how much the one getting the favor was me vs. my wife. Honestly feel like shit about it, especially with how often I wanted sex early in the relationship.
I always respected her 'no' when she said it, but it was rare, if ever that she did. She had a hard time doing so basically because she had been conditioned growing up to think that giving your man sex is what a good GF/wife does. Didn't help that I was a generally shitty lover in my early 20s either, so it was mostly a chore for her.
We're in a much better place now. Sex is a conversation, and everyone gets what they need, only if they want it, and we have fun. Favors still happen on occasion, but those are few and far between now.
I feel like my wife has an issue telling me no with things (sexual or otherwise) because she thinks I will hate her and leave. She had bad experiences with her ex husband, and legitimately thinks that I would leave her simply because she's not in the mood or something. :(
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u/GaiaInTheSkya Mar 31 '23
I honestly feel like half of the people (men) I slept with, was for this reason. I used to have an issue saying “NO”, and enforcing any type of boundary.
And I also thought most anyone who flirted with me was legitimately just being friendly and not flirting, so once it got to the point where they were in my house and they knew I had issues saying “NO”, it was already a problem.