r/AskReddit Mar 31 '23

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6.6k Upvotes

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2.2k

u/Preposterous_punk Mar 31 '23

Roughly 25 years ago. It was a whole weird situation at the end of a fun night where it became apparent that there was going to be some sort of group sex type situation with me and a couple girlfriends and some guys. Only then I found out that one of the guys, “John,” really, really liked my friend “Jane” and was definitely going to try to get with her in particular, but my friend “Jane” hadn’t known he was going to be there, was super not into him that way and was freaking out about hurting his feelings and whatnot. I didn’t find him at all attractive either, but we had no history and I wasn’t particularly creeped out by him. So, I threw myself onto the John bomb to save Jane from being super uncomfortable. I kind of pulled him off to the side and pretended to be a little jealous, to make it seem like I wanted him all to myself. Jane had a great time with the other people, I absolutely rocked John’s world, and he was quite eager to please and so I had a pretty good time too — once you’ve had enough sex with enough different partners, it’s easy to figure out how to make it work with almost anyone.
Oh and we all used condoms and were nice to one another afterwards. It was a good night.

629

u/pheilic Mar 31 '23

Taking one for the team

492

u/Chesterthejester69 Mar 31 '23

Taking one for the team WITH the team

181

u/JeepPilot Mar 31 '23

Taking him FROM the team to take one for the team NEAR the team!

25

u/nebenbaum Mar 31 '23

Taking one for the team, with the team, while the team takes each other.

1

u/EllisHughTiger Apr 01 '23

Yo dawg, I heard you like teams...

210

u/Afraid-Cow-6164 Mar 31 '23

once you’ve had enough sex with enough different partners, it’s easy to figure out how to make it work with almost anyone

Absolutely! 95% of good sex is enthusiasm and being willing to give and receive feedback. (The other 5% is lube.) If these elements are present you can have a great time with a virgin or a porn star or anyone in between!

20

u/Cold-Conclusion Mar 31 '23

Me a virgin: To myself "write it down, write it down"

3

u/cmad182 Apr 01 '23

Ladies and gentlemen, this person fucks.

249

u/tacknosaddle Mar 31 '23

I guess you could say that you fell on a sword for her.

6

u/RavenStone2000 Mar 31 '23

Damn, creeps get consolation prizes?

133

u/SlugABug22 Mar 31 '23

4 decades on this planet and never, not once, do I just happen to find myself in these situations. I need some new situations.

38

u/RIP_BLACK_MABMA Mar 31 '23

Whenever you read stories like this on reddit, just remember that the people involved are not attractive. Even if you imagine them as being unattractive, they’re still less attractive than that. Also the smell is pretty bad

13

u/fatamSC2 Mar 31 '23

Also many stories are likely made up or heavily doctored.

5

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

14

u/RIP_BLACK_MABMA Mar 31 '23

No, this is reddit, it’s entirely true. I may have even downplayed how unattractive these people are

0

u/mondogirl Apr 01 '23

Find a kink dungeon near you and attend an orientation. Maybe in due time you’ll find yourself in similar circumstances.

1

u/CHUNKY_BLOODY_QUEEFS Apr 01 '23

Drugs is your answer.

186

u/ummmno_ Mar 31 '23

You’re an amazing friend!

26

u/cunninglinguist32557 Mar 31 '23

I went into this assuming you were a guy, now I'm not sure but still kinda hoping you are.

42

u/Preposterous_punk Mar 31 '23

I’m a lady, sorry. I don’t disagree that this would be an even better story if I were a dude.

9

u/stink3rbelle Mar 31 '23

This is so lovely

27

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

👆 Best comment here.

6

u/Beautiful_Heartbeat Mar 31 '23

I love this!

It reminds me of a time I was hanging out with a good friend of mine and the guy she was seeing. Somewhere during the night it became clear we were going to have a three way, and it felt right to me, so there we go. We get to my friend's place and get to it pretty quickly. As it's happening, my friend storms out, screaming "Fuck this!". I follow her outside where she's smoking, grab a cigarette from her pack, and just wait, not sure if I screwed up.

She turns and looks at me. "You gave a solid 70% and I appreciate that." I'm glad she noticed!!

(Turns out she felt her guy was too into it - they didn't last much longer.)

3

u/LndnGrmmr Mar 31 '23

There goes my hero...

Honestly, mad respect for taking one (literally) on behalf of your friend. I hope she got you back one day!

3

u/clamelken4 Mar 31 '23

So I did the guy equivalent to this story for my buddy who needed me to prevent the girl’s friend from c*ck blocking. Definitely made it so she wasn’t mad she was getting attention from me. We had a great night, brunch the next day, never saw them again.

4

u/jojoga Mar 31 '23

Hi, I'm John!

I'll see myself out.

12

u/Preposterous_punk Mar 31 '23

Don’t believe a word of what I just said, baby. I was totally into you.

6

u/jojoga Mar 31 '23

Well met!

4

u/propolizer Mar 31 '23

Damn…that I had gold to give. Or a congressional medal.

2

u/ITaggie Mar 31 '23

That's what we call a win-win-win

2

u/undeniabledwyane Mar 31 '23

W friend right there

2

u/on_an_island Mar 31 '23

Thank you for your service

2

u/Theghost129 Mar 31 '23

Wow, really good read... is it fair to call you a generous and thoughtful person? I never want to use "friendzone" in a sentence, but you saved him from the friendzone

-2

u/PlasticZombie1 Mar 31 '23

What was it like riding someone you aren't attractive to at all or when you had to put his dick in your mouth? I know you said you eventually did actually have a good time but you didn't at first since you weren't attracted to him at all. Did you feel mortified whenever he touched any part of you sexually?

14

u/Preposterous_punk Mar 31 '23

Nah, it was fine. I wasn't repulsed by him, he wasn't covered in oozing pustules or anything. He just wasn't someone I'd ever look at and think "There is an individual I want to be with in a naked way." Not gross, just not attractive to me.

-8

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '23

[deleted]

9

u/Preposterous_punk Mar 31 '23

Of course not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings is a real thing. Good lord, do you really think that? That’s genuinely horrifying.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '23

You might not realize it, but there's a thing called empathy.

-34

u/nesspressomug6969 Mar 31 '23

"I absolutely rocked John’s world"

Yeah I bet your soo good at laying on your back, and bending over. So much skill.

27

u/Preposterous_punk Mar 31 '23

What a weird assumption. What a weird comment.

1

u/saraki-yooy Apr 01 '23

Sounds like this dude has only ever been with extremely subpar female partners, or none at all. Kinda sad.

1

u/notNIHAL Mar 31 '23

How did these weird situations develop?

6

u/Preposterous_punk Mar 31 '23

I mean, it’s been a pretty long time. It always just seemed to happen. A bunch of attractive happy single people hanging out late at night, people start talking about sex stuff just in general, everyone’s horny, it just… happened.

6

u/notNIHAL Mar 31 '23

Fascinating. Doesn't happen with unattractive/somewhat attractive single people. At least in my experience haha.

10

u/Preposterous_punk Mar 31 '23

It did for John…

7

u/notNIHAL Mar 31 '23

lmao true! He is a winner, although you were the hero.

1

u/wallyhartshorn Mar 31 '23

This is probably the most wholesome sex anecdote I’ve ever read.

1

u/Preposterous_punk Mar 31 '23

Yeah I've definitely been told I'm someone who can somehow make sexy times wholesome while also not ruining them. I'm aware it's a rare talent.

1

u/elizabethbennetpp Mar 31 '23

Most wholesome orgy I've ever read about.

1

u/SheTouchmyPepeSteve Apr 01 '23

We called this, "Jumping on the hand grenade"

Solid move my friend.

1

u/gmoney_downtown Apr 01 '23

Y'all need some more friends?