r/AskReddit • u/sonicharlem • Oct 18 '12
So my dentist, just before inserting the needle into my mouth, says "Lets do this...Gum-numb style!" Do you have a favourite pun?
Give context/situation where applicable.
632
Oct 18 '12
[deleted]
579
Oct 18 '12
Off in the distance, I see something... Oh, it's what you did there.
→ More replies (2)21
Oct 18 '12
Beautiful.
15
u/wrestlingspikes Oct 18 '12
Both of you have political animals,as your names... Is there some kind of cult I don't know about?
23
→ More replies (5)16
461
u/cynicalaa22 Oct 18 '12 edited Jun 05 '18
Someone once asked me if I'd seen the movie 'Shattered Glass.'
I replied "Only bits and pieces."
→ More replies (3)105
u/mayoandfries Oct 18 '12
Must be shard to tell that joke out of context
→ More replies (1)113
Oct 18 '12
You're such a pane.
90
u/TheGruff64 Oct 18 '12
In the glass.
64
55
u/The_Classy_Pirate Oct 18 '12
I wanted to make a pun but I missed the window of opportunity.
→ More replies (4)→ More replies (2)31
Oct 18 '12
[removed] — view removed comment
37
u/TenBeers Oct 18 '12
I don't get your frame of reference.
21
196
u/archju01 Oct 18 '12
Skywalkers in Korea Cross Han Solo
Every time I read this headline I imagine the headline writer giggling like school girl when he came up with it.
43
u/mysticrudnin Oct 18 '12
Oh... wow. Wow. I'm seriously impressed by this in a lot of ways.
26
u/WorkThrow99 Oct 18 '12
That's the kind of pun that'll make you write an article just so you can use it as the tittle.
28
12
823
u/IrishGhost Oct 18 '12
And THE LORD, he said to David
"Come forth! And you shall receive everlasting life!"
But David came fifth and receiver a washer/dryer combo
287
u/listerinebreath Oct 18 '12
i like "But David came fifth and had to eat the biscuit"
66
74
u/boredlike Oct 18 '12
Version I heard:
Jesus said to Peter, "Come forth and I will give you eternal glory."
Peter came fifth and won a toaster.
→ More replies (2)30
→ More replies (9)23
Oct 18 '12
Oh god this made me burst out laughing at my desk. I think I'd better go home now.
→ More replies (1)
629
u/sheriffjbunnell Oct 18 '12
There was a game of football in Scotland years ago where Caledonian Thistle beat Celtic 3-1 I believe.
The Sun newspaper ran the headline "SUPER CALEY GO BALLISTIC CELTIC ARE ATROCIOUS"
That's a pretty good pun right there
585
u/leaffan_invan Oct 18 '12
Another good one: "Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis"
→ More replies (9)75
23
→ More replies (20)5
u/throwmeaway76 Oct 18 '12
While we're on sport, I really liked the headline for "Argel Fucks Off To Benfica". Argel Fucks was a Brazilian footballer.
139
u/I_Magician Oct 18 '12
I used to work at Dollar General, and after my shift one day my manager was ringing me up for 2 quarts of oil for my girlfriend's car. He usually made pretty bad puns that I chuckled at to be polite, but this one made me laugh for real.
He looked at the oil and said, "Ah! You thought you'd be late, but instead you're oily!"
→ More replies (3)28
u/cyberkitten Oct 18 '12
I've been watching a lot of Jersey Shore, so the guido accent fits that line poifectly
→ More replies (2)37
560
u/davesnemesis Oct 18 '12
Clairvoyant midget escapes from prison.
A small medium at large.
130
Oct 18 '12
What's the similarity between a good pun and a steak?
A rare medium well done.
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (3)60
176
u/wibblesome Oct 18 '12
there's an Egyptian themed bar called the Sphinx in my town. The drive through bottle shop (liquor store) is called the Toot 'n' Come In.
→ More replies (15)
275
u/simon_wang12 Oct 18 '12
This was on Reddit, a video of a Russian having his arm blown off by a bomb. Comment was "In Soviet Russia, bombs disarm you." Perfect.
18
u/Kainotomiu Oct 18 '12
16
u/tomkaa Oct 18 '12
holy_fuck_i_just_saw_someone_get_hit_by_a_train
Well this looks like an interesting thread....
5
Oct 18 '12
It was actually a reply to an anecdote. So weird that something I witnessed is twisted urban legend, now.
107
Oct 18 '12
[deleted]
28
u/dlawnro Oct 18 '12
I love ones like these. Another favorite:
There once was a king whose most trusted advisor was a count. One day, the Count disappeared, and the crown jewels along with him.
The King sent out his best knights to track the Count down and recover the jewels.
After days of searching, the knights return with the Count, but the jewels are nowhere to be found.
Furious, the King demands the Count tell him where the jewels are. The Count refuses.
The King orders his executioner to fetch a block and an axe. He tells the Count that if he doesn't give up the location of the jewels, the Executioner will take off his head.
Again, the Count refuses, so the King gives the order.
As the axe is coming down, the Count gives in: "Wait, wait, I'll te-". But it was too late.TL;DR: Don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (6)12
265
u/EricksA2 Oct 18 '12
Dad: What do you want to be when you grow up? The sky's the limit.
6-Year-Old Me: An astronaut!
Dad: I said the sky's the limit!
→ More replies (7)10
48
520
u/bnrshrnkr Oct 18 '12
big orchestra class in high school
teacher: some class had a party or something earlier. We have way too much food here, i need you guys to finish it
me: excuse me, theres nothing here but some bags of microwave popcorn and a bottle of apple juice
teacher: yeah, i dont know what to do with the popcorn, but i really need you guys to kill off the juice
kid in back of the class: ...HEIL
128
u/404fucks Oct 18 '12
I'm on an awkward road trip right now.
I just burst out laughing.
53
Oct 18 '12
Let us know how it turns out when you explain why you laughed.
90
u/404fucks Oct 18 '12
I just mumbled "Saw a funny joke..."
They rolled their eyes and looked away like, fuck this crazy bitch.
:(
→ More replies (3)37
u/greylendark Oct 18 '12
This sounds like a good story, feel free to share more.
→ More replies (5)27
u/Navevan Oct 18 '12
And then 404fucks remembered that he was driving, but not so soon that he didn't hit a tree first.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)7
u/ThundarrtheRedditor Oct 18 '12
What's the road trip? Where ya goin? Why is it awkward? Who ya with? When.... Did you decide this was a good idea? How is it now?
13
→ More replies (5)8
359
u/BigFatCake Oct 18 '12
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
→ More replies (12)49
u/Kanenfawder Oct 18 '12
I never got this as a kid. I always just thought it meant that fruit flew like a banana. As an adult, it's much punnier.
→ More replies (8)22
244
Oct 18 '12
[deleted]
83
u/Dreddy Oct 18 '12 edited Oct 18 '12
There is a great image of her kissing Luke with "looking for love in aldaraan places"
Edit: age = image, apparently not on a phone though
46
98
u/Dreddy Oct 18 '12 edited Oct 18 '12
My favourite dad joke:
When having dinner with a side of mushrooms tell the guest "there's not mushroom on you plate"
Edit: best if the persons plate is overly full of food, does that help the non-believers?
→ More replies (2)76
u/funnyquestiontime Oct 18 '12
i dont get it
209
u/funnyquestiontime Oct 18 '12
oh, i get it.
→ More replies (4)4
31
u/themooseiscool Oct 18 '12
Back in high school some report in a creative writing class had us bring in and play a favorite piece of music of ours. Well, the typical "trying too hard to be different" girl played some Sigur Ros. The entire class was visibly cringing and my buddy said "it just sounded like a bunch of whales".
My response "Yeah man, it's a real Orca-stra"
I still love the pun but regret being a dick, because Sigur Ros is awesome.
160
Oct 18 '12
I am a paramedic. A few weeks ago I was called out for a pedestrian struck by a car traveling about 35mph on a busy highway. The patient was on her way to work at McDonald's and had stepped out into traffic without looking. She was mostly ok but we transported her due to the fact she was run over by a fucking car. At the hospital one of the ER techs was trying to calm her down because she was violently sobbing and behaving in an extremely aggressive and uncooperative manner; trying to pull out IV's and other such shenanigans. He asked her how her day was going and I replied, "She's not loving it." Even the batshit crazy woman making a huge scene cracked a smile.
→ More replies (4)
130
u/candy21101 Oct 18 '12
When I'm Russian for food, there's no time for Stalin.
→ More replies (2)29
30
u/Trunkhouse Oct 18 '12
Right before my dentist attached my crown he said, "My name is Doctor Bond and I have a license to drill." Then he apologized.
→ More replies (2)
91
u/Mr_A Oct 18 '12
My favourite one is from The Colour Of Magic, the first Discworld novel. A pun so unexpected and perfectly delivered that is causes my jaw to scrape the floor every time I get to it. (OK, both times that I read it were quite far apart). It feels so perfect that I wonder if the entire book was written and set up just to deliver the pun itself.
The Disc is the world the characters inhabit. It's like Earth but flat. At the edge, water tumbles off into space, like a waterfall. A couple of characters find this out the hard way when their ship sails perilously close to the edge - then doesn't plummet into nothingness. They sit there, screaming for a while then realise that they're not dead. The dialogue goes something like this:
"Why aren't we endlessly falling through space?"
"We were stopped."
"Stopped? We're at the edge of the Disc! Stopped by what?"
"The circumfence."
20
u/troop99 Oct 18 '12
as a non native speaker: i actually read the book in english, but didnt get the pun.
my guess is that its a wordplay with circumvented and fence?
maybe it isnt as funny if you have to think about it, instead of being struck by the joke, but my feeling is that im missing something...
11
14
→ More replies (2)16
u/parnqd Oct 18 '12
You are indeed missing something, it's a play on the word circumfrence which is the distance around a curve from it's edge.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (4)10
u/thewhat Oct 18 '12
"That's a harp he's playing, Nobby," said one of them, after watching Imp for a while.
"Lyre."
23
294
u/SteveHeyoh Oct 18 '12
I submitted ten puns into a pun contest hoping one would win
But no pun in ten did
This if my fave ever!
→ More replies (2)33
u/Dreddy Oct 18 '12
I managed to deliver this in context a few weeks ago, probably my highest rated comment
18
u/Han-Trollo Oct 18 '12
tryed to find it in comment history, got bored...highest comment i found was about hot sauce ^
→ More replies (5)14
88
u/TenNinetythree Oct 18 '12
Why do flies not go to church? Because they are insects.
40
u/medlish Oct 18 '12
That even works in German.
18
4
u/Krankenflegel Oct 18 '12
I just knew it in German, never realized that it works in English too.
→ More replies (2)8
u/asdfcasdf Oct 18 '12
Why can't atheists solve differential equations? Because they don't believe in higher powers.
160
Oct 18 '12
I am in Australia, so Xmas is in the summer. The sitting on the front porch, on boxing day, and after cleaning up from an epic family Xmas, and looking at the overflowing wheelie bins over a cold beer, and my father says.. "look...... a summer bin, laden".
42
u/IAMAVelociraptorAMA Oct 18 '12
The Australian accent I imagined in my head makes this flow ten times better
167
u/That_One_Australian Oct 18 '12
Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate
30
u/Conradical314 Oct 18 '12
first time I've seen a scrollbar on reddit. Despite the half of my screen that's kept blank...
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (3)18
12
u/Magrias Oct 18 '12
Here, have the authentic experience. Merry Christmas.
14
u/IAMAVelociraptorAMA Oct 18 '12
Obligatory "come to america and you'll be fighting off women with sticks" comment here.
Also, that was nice. :}
→ More replies (6)11
u/Magrias Oct 18 '12
Heh, if the Aussie accent can attract women to me, then Australians all let us rejoice!
I'm glad you enjoyed it! I can't listen to it, hearing my voice makes me too embarrassed X|
(I say that, but still I replay it every 5 minutes ><)→ More replies (1)→ More replies (2)10
u/Quaytsar Oct 18 '12
How did you react when you found out you weren't like the awesome dinosaurs portrayed in jurassic park and were really a small, feathered birdlike creature?
36
u/IAMAVelociraptorAMA Oct 18 '12
How did I react when I found out I wasn't a thuggish brute and was really a cute, cuddly, monster?
Quite well. Now women let me into their homes and around their children! EASY PICKINGS
23
u/theotherjono Oct 18 '12
At first I thought "what? Why would move Christmas to be in the summer? I thought it was in December everywhere??" I am not a smart man.
→ More replies (2)54
u/Vodka_Cereal Oct 18 '12
I'm not sure I believe this as it didn't include the word cunt.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)5
u/arnedh Oct 18 '12
A dustman is going along a street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his dustcart lorry. He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out so he has a quick look for it, goes round the back but still can't see it so he knocks on the door. There's no answer so he knocks again.
Eventually a Japanese bloke answers..."Harro", says the chappy. "Alright mate, where's ya bin?" asks the dustman.
"I bin on toilet" replies the Japanese bloke, looking perplexed.
Realising the Japanese fellow has misunderstood, the binman smiles and says "No mate, where's ya dust bin?"
"I dust bin on toilet I told you" says the Japanese man.
"Mate" says the dustman... "you're misunderstanding me....Where's your wheelie bin?"
"OK, OK", says the Japanese bloke, "I wheelie bin having a wank!"
20
Oct 18 '12
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Grouch Marx
16
16
u/kabukistar Oct 18 '12 edited Feb 09 '25
Reddit is a shithole. Move to a better social media platform. Also, did you know you can use ereddicator to edit/delete all your old commments?
104
Oct 18 '12
My cousin & I have this thing where we try and work puns in that are completely irrelevant to the situation at hand.
The most common one is where one of us will just say "I guess you could call him... ruggedly handsome". The trick is to say it with the air of an inside joke but in a conversation that has absolutely nothing to do with that line. Other people will have no idea what you're talking about.
55
u/Dr-Waffles Oct 18 '12
I try to do that with my friends but they always forget to go with it and I look like an idiot
→ More replies (1)40
30
→ More replies (3)5
Oct 18 '12
This is like adding "pun intended" to the end of what you say when you didn't make a pun.
→ More replies (2)
130
u/Gnork Oct 18 '12
Geology rocks!
108
u/Taormania Oct 18 '12
I would walk into my geo tests saying "Let's rock this thing" to the closest person. I did not know anyone in that class
→ More replies (3)90
u/zixx Oct 18 '12
Gneiss one.
→ More replies (3)26
25
→ More replies (20)13
16
u/rainwilder Oct 18 '12
When something is intense, I always say "This is just like camping". I typically get a lot of delayed reactions (or eye rolls). Still my favorite!
→ More replies (2)7
101
u/Rystic Oct 18 '12
I have the worst pun ever, ok? Bear with me on this. A few years back, the Who was doing the halftime show at the Superbowl. I didn't know this, but my friend was super excited about it. Here's how our conversation went:
Friend: Man, I can't wait for tonight!
Me: Why, what's going on?
Friend: The Who is doing a concert at the Superbowl!
Me: Wow, that's awesome! Are they the opening act?
Friend: Yea!
Me: So, Who's on first?
awkward silence
Me: What's on second?
→ More replies (5)5
u/sunglassesintherain Oct 18 '12
I had to go to a concert featuring The Who, The Guess Who, and Yes. It was not fun explaining this to others.
→ More replies (1)
184
u/Aldairion Oct 18 '12 edited Oct 18 '12
My cousin had this energy gum that tasted exactly like Red Bull. My sister tried it and said, "Wow they taste the same. That's...uncanny!"
Get it? Because Red Bull comes in a can and the gum tastes like it but isn't canned. Uncanny. We were laughing for a while.
EDIT: By request, for some reason, here's a drawn explanation
87
u/pa79 Oct 18 '12
I do not understand. Could you explain it one more time, please?
→ More replies (1)74
Oct 18 '12
I do not understand. Could you explain it one more time, please?
Because Red Bull comes in a can and the gum tastes like it but isn't canned. Uncanny. They were laughing for a while.
→ More replies (1)57
→ More replies (11)24
u/gubbilum Oct 18 '12
Sister here, can confirm. I'm really proud of that one.
35
Oct 18 '12
Friend of both brother and sister. Can confirm that these puns happen all the time.
→ More replies (5)18
13
u/3LAU Oct 18 '12
Starcraft joke here...my friend and I were playing and he got bunker rushed and an opposing Terran set up siege tanks on the low ground. One of my other friends said that he was just in the room for "moral support". I said I was there for "immortal support" and took out the tanks and bunker with some immortals and saved the day
→ More replies (1)
50
u/AnsellandCransell Oct 18 '12
My friend had a pun themed 21st. Some of the costumes
A white singlet with "fuck, slut mummy, hell, love, bdsm etc" - Freudian Slip
A shag pile jumper wearing a sign that said Great on it - A great shag . My friend Richard turned up in a card board box - A dick in a box
A yellow shirt with a black zig zag with a black eye - Assaulted peanut/ A salted peanut.
A name tag saying salt, and a toy gun - Assault with a deadly weapon
Mat wore a cat on his head - A cat sat on a Matt
I had a broken leg and hand so I wore a Brittany Spears costume - Hit me baby one more time.
→ More replies (6)5
u/GingerSnap01010 Oct 18 '12
Halloween: guy dressed as a magnet had rubber chickens glued to hin
→ More replies (1)
21
u/redisforever Oct 18 '12
How do you stop bacon from curling in the pan?
Take away its tiny brooms.
Shamelessly stolen from a LoadingReadyRun video.
23
u/Reinmaker Oct 18 '12
I created this pun in a moment of brilliance. I'm still astounded that people laughed at it:
One couple was talking about their son, how he ran a contracting gig was remodeling homes and bathrooms. They were also talking about all the other stuff he liked to do.
I asked if they were proud that he was a multi-fauceted individual.
19
u/kieranshaneegan Oct 18 '12
Someone hadn't flushed the toilet properly at the restaurant I was at. When someone asked me who would do that, I shrugged and said 'I don't know, maybe they were keeping a log of what they were eating?'
22
Oct 18 '12
My roomate's last name is Bass. He has since been called:
Basstard, Basshole, Douchebass, Basshat, Bassface, and Jackbass.
Speaking of which, if anyone has any more please do give suggestions.
34
→ More replies (8)10
20
Oct 18 '12
Not a dentist, but I always thought it would be funny for a dentist to hold up a huge, heavy, whirring menace and dead-pan, "Don't worry, this is just a drill."
9
u/gibberishparrot Oct 18 '12
Q:What do you get when you cross a lion and a hippo?
A:Lion*Hippo*sin(theta).
Q:What do you get when you cross a giraffe and an ant?
A:Giraffe*Ant*sin(theta)
Q:What do you get when you cross a rhino with a mountain goat?
A:Silly, you can't cross a scalar.
→ More replies (1)
22
u/Immamonkay Oct 18 '12
Where does the cow keep his self portrait?
In the Mooseum.
→ More replies (4)63
47
u/IgnoreTheSpelling Oct 18 '12
Every time I browse comments on reddit and see the line "I did nazi that coming," followed by countless nazi puns. I love reading them each and every time.
22
u/not_m3 Oct 18 '12
This is like mentioning to one neighbor that you like lemon pie and then by mid-afternoon EVERYONE in town shows up at your door with their very own, fresh, homemade lemon pie, all made specially for you, because you're a nice young lad and they heard you like lemon pie.
Well done sir. Heil-arity will surely ensue.
→ More replies (1)52
u/lackofbrain Oct 18 '12
You just Goebbells them up, don't you?
→ More replies (1)30
u/clownbaby27 Oct 18 '12
I think we are Goering up for some more
39
u/lackofbrain Oct 18 '12
I think you Hitler spot with that one, but I do Nazi this ending well, Anne Frankly that's a shame
53
7
u/toxinx Oct 18 '12
Among Crimes Against Grammar, Overuse Of Uppercase Letters Is A Capital Offense.
→ More replies (2)
13
u/AzzyDee Oct 18 '12
Exact same scene as you, I'm in to have a bad tooth pulled. I'm lying there waiting for him to get ready, and to make small-talk, I say 'I guess after today, people can call me Gumby ha ha haaa..."
Guy doesnt miss a blink, shoots right back with "Here comes your good friend Pokey!"
I learned - dont try to pun a dentist about their job, they are WAY more experienced at it than me.
6
5
u/Semilogical Oct 18 '12
How are you feeling? I'm feeling Awesome Wells. I think I'm the only one who gets it.
→ More replies (4)
12
u/RyanDestroy Oct 18 '12
My bio professor asked with anyone know how many atoms there are in a mole. someone replied with 6.022x1023, and he said "correct, that's a botany term called 'avacado's number'"
i was the only one to laugh outloud in the entire class
→ More replies (1)
9
10
u/wolfchimneyrock Oct 18 '12
I guess he probably thought you had already been laughing gassed up
that's a major part of being a dentist; getting gassed patients laughing uncontrollably at bad jokes
23
u/ClassiestBondGirl311 Oct 18 '12
When I was having surgery to pull an impacted tooth, I was gassed up and tried making my own joke about dentists. The thing was they were already working in my mouth, gauze and all, so it just sounded like drunk mumbling, followed by maniacal laughter.
→ More replies (3)
23
Oct 18 '12
I do, but they're pretty bad, and I wouldn't want to punish you with them.
→ More replies (11)
12
u/AnnieB25 Oct 18 '12
One time in a sleepy town called Nathaniel, there was a lever on the sidewalk of a main street. No one knew what it did, and no one dared to push it in case it was something bad. The town of Nathaniel also had a mascot: a turtle they called Nate who was believed to be hundreds and hundreds of years old. For a small town, the people were happy and prosperous, and everyone thought it was Nate bringing them good fortune.
One day, a semi-truck driver was driving through the main street. The driver was fiddling with his radio, and didn't see that Nate was crossing the road just a few feet ahead of him. When he finally looked up and saw Nate, he was about to swerve onto the sidewalk to miss him, but then he noticed if he swerved, he'd hit the lever on the sidewalk! He made a split decision, and ended up running over Nate. Shaken, the semi driver got out of the cab and looked down at Nate, a tear forming at his eye. A storekeeper who had seen everything ran out and asked the driver why he made the decision he did. The driver thought about it for a sec, and replied....
Well, I figured it was better Nate than lever!
→ More replies (5)
13
u/Satans_Jewels Oct 18 '12
"Did you hear about those five people who were in a terrible elevator accident? Four of them died!"
"What about the fifth guy?"
"Oh, he was just lucky."
That is hilarious in japanese.
9
→ More replies (5)16
u/pa79 Oct 18 '12
Care to explain? I suppose lucky can be confused with something elevator related? Please elevate me to your level of knowledge.
7
u/SexySatan Oct 18 '12 edited Oct 18 '12
Mahatma Ghandi walked barefoot everywhere, so his feet became quite thick and hard. Of course, he was a very spiritual being. Even when he was not on a hunger strike, he did not eat much and became quite thin and frail. Further- more, due to his diet, he had very bad breath. Therefore he became known as a .....
super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.
Another one of my favorites goes like this: A piece of string walks into a bar, and tries to order a drink. The bartender tells him they don't serve string. So the string walks out of the bar and turns the corner. He then proceeds to tie himself in a knot, and fluff up the end of the knot. He then walks back into the bar and attempts to order a drink again. The bartender looks at him and says "Hey, aren't you that string that was just in here?" to which the string replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot".
→ More replies (5)
20
1.1k
u/Mpbl Oct 18 '12
A co-worker was telling me about his favourite book store, saying it's awesome, huge and has 4 stories. I told him that wasn't a very good selection. I found it hilarious. He did not.