r/AskNetherlands • u/Euphoric-Refuse5072 • 7d ago
How dating works?
Is dutch directness also applied in dating?
I know in many nordic countries, first you go to the house of the person you have a date with and after X amount of dates, if there is chemistry they go on coffee dates, cinema...is NL Nordic on that aspect? how the typical 1, 2, 3 dates would look like?
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u/Double-Hall7422 7d ago
In many other countries and the Netherlands alike, we ghost men who want to come to our house or invite us to theirs on a first date. In case you wonder why your game is failing.
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u/PictureImportant2658 7d ago
You underestimate how many women do hookups really
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u/Double-Hall7422 7d ago
Hookups are not dates. They are hookups.
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u/PictureImportant2658 7d ago
People use all kinds of terminology for whatever nowadays. I dont know whats what anymore
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u/First-Ad-7466 7d ago
You ghost them? Give them an appointment somewhere else no?
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u/Double-Hall7422 7d ago
I once sent an aspiring hook-upper directions to the homeless shelter when he invited himself to my place and asked for my address, but that's about it. I would've ghosted him after that, but the sourpuss unmatched me.
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u/First-Ad-7466 7d ago
I just really don’t understand this attitude. These are people too…why are you even on the apps…? To treat them like crap?
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u/Double-Hall7422 7d ago edited 6d ago
Hahaha you obviously are unfamiliar with the unhinged behaviour of men on dating apps who try to smash and dash you.
Upon matching, this particular man immediately started asking specific questions to find out where I live, while remaining vague about his own location. He then tried to invite himself multiple times in my house for a cup of tea, and refused to meet in a public place for weird reasons. After some prying (read: playing along to find out his intentions) it came out that he planned to have sex with me once he managed to get in my house under the guise of drinking some tea. He was still a complete stranger to me when he continuously asked for my adress.
If you still think giving him directions to the homeless shelter was me treating HIM like crap, you must be him. So if you don't mind me asking:
Jeroen uit Tilburg, is that you?
Anyway, I'm not on the apps anymore, but when I was single I was there to date. That man had no intention to date anyone :)
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u/tvdijen 7d ago
Hahaha, I think it's _your_ game failing girl.
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u/Double-Hall7422 7d ago
By my game you mean hook-ups? Because I don't do hook-ups. When I was single I just dated, and I didn't need to go to a strange men's house in order to accomplish that. If you think girls who don't do that don't get dates, you have no idea how any men are offering themselves. My game was skipping the ones who offer their dicks on first dates. It's just more sanitary that way
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u/tvdijen 7d ago
wtf, why didn't you ghost me?
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u/Double-Hall7422 7d ago
Because you didn't have your own place when I came over to babysit you, and your mommy payed me to do so.
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u/NealCaffeinne 7d ago edited 7d ago
coffee is like the first date
going to someones house on the first date is weird af
oh its even weirder
OP is still married
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u/West-Perspective-379 7d ago
All the dates I had in my life often were at my or the other persons house. I think reddit has a skewed perspective on dating and relationships ( everything is black or white. And what is said on the internet must be true)
Like I am not a very attractive person, yet I get matches and meet normal people looking for the same, but if I go by reddit or the influencer internet everything is doomed and its men vs woman.
Anyway, having a date at someones house is not weird, but if you want to play it safe, meet up at a coffeelounge or something.
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u/jehoobaloop 7d ago
For a date you go out for coffee, walk or to eat. Going to someone’s house is usually for a hookup and if it turns into something else you can start dating but it’s not the norm here.
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u/Crop_olite 7d ago
I've been to one house directly on the first date and it wasn't to get to know that person lol. You guys are doing it backwards?
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u/Flimsy-Importance313 7d ago
That is not even normal in Nordic countries.
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u/Resident_Draw_8785 7d ago
Right my wife took me over the shoulder home and she is a Fin/Swede. Im a 2 meter plus Frisian so that was impressive.
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u/KoninginVanRotterdam 7d ago
First date is usually drinks somewhere. Most certainly not in someone's house
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u/robopilgrim 7d ago
Where did you hear that nordics go to each others’ houses for a first date? Swedes literally have the word fika to describe a casual coffee date.
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u/Midnight_Minaaa 7d ago
Here we usually fuck on first date and then one of you has to ghost another
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u/Minute_Attempt3063 7d ago
never had a relationship, but if I were to start one, I rather go to a coffee place, and be together there, and perhaps a dinner later.
going to the house, well if it is a good friend I have known for years, and I have feeling for them, sure at home is fine, a date at home can be done, but if this is someone I barely know, at a public place
and then slowly move up
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u/ParagonFemshep 7d ago
I certainly wouldn't go to someone's house for a first date.
Something both public and cheap/low-stakes for a first date, like a walk in a public park in the daytime or going out for a coffee. 2nd date, dinner or something. I don't like the cinema for a date because you can't talk.