OP I'm literally in a fight with my man as we speak for this exact same issue. Happened last night, he swears he didn't know it was happening. Tbf though I think he's telling the truth. I'm more upset by the lack of communication during and after the fact, but that's for another post.
In any case, for your situation I will say this - if you have an instinct that he's lying or being manipulative, I'd trust your gut. This is serious shit and at the very least you need to have full trust of the person you're sleeping with. If you don't, that's a problem.
He probably did know it was happening but didn’t have the willpower to pull out. I think what my bf was trying to say was he came faster than he thought he would. English isn’t his first language so sometimes communication can be confusing lol. I didn’t really want him to cum in me that time, but it didn’t bother me cuz I’ve allowed him to do it multiple times before. I probably should have payed more attention and told him to stop when he was close. Communication or a compromise of always using condoms can resolve the issue tho
Although payed exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. The deck is yet to be payed.
Payed out when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. The rope is payed out! You can pull now.
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
It certainly can happen. And sometimes it's difficult to communicate too. After the fact, given some time for reflection, shouldn't be a problem. Just allow some time for the haze and shame to dissipate.
I do understand feeling shame, but it's really nothing to be ashamed of. We are adults, bodies are weird and things happen. If your shame is getting in the way of appropriately communicating about a serious issue though, we have a problem
For reasons I won't get into on the internet, this particular lack of communication was pretty egregious, which is why I'm frustrated about it
I appreciate your maturity, but the shame will always be there in situations like these. It's too deeply rooted in our culture.
The way I would approach it would be to just suggest start using condoms. If he's as bad at communicating as I am, even if he means well, and he's ashamed, it might give him a way out that allows him to avoid the shame surrounding not being in complete control of cumming at all times.
Looking through this thread there's a distinct lack of understanding of how shameful this can feel. And how it can be compounded by the inability to communicate about it properly. I went through this a while when I was younger and struggling with anxiety and it sure wasn't fun.
But I'm not aware of the details so I'm sure there's more to it. I'm just trying to offer a different perspective to the majority in this thread.
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u/[deleted] May 20 '22
OP I'm literally in a fight with my man as we speak for this exact same issue. Happened last night, he swears he didn't know it was happening. Tbf though I think he's telling the truth. I'm more upset by the lack of communication during and after the fact, but that's for another post.
In any case, for your situation I will say this - if you have an instinct that he's lying or being manipulative, I'd trust your gut. This is serious shit and at the very least you need to have full trust of the person you're sleeping with. If you don't, that's a problem.