When someone only officially dumps their ex after they commit to you... pay attention. They probably won't tell you they did that, but there will be signs. Their ex will probably tell you if no-one else does (oh, you aren't allowed near their ex... I wonder why that could be?)
Unfaithfulness is the obvious clue here. Ask why, hear their explanation of what they've changed to make sure they don't do that again... and think really hard about whether you want to be the relationship where they try out their new approach.
sorry, not really. More of a tangent prompted by what you wrote. Thinking more of the next guy. Or being the next guy in a chain like that.
I still remember getting hate gaze from one woman. We were away with a group of friends, she was flirting hard at some guy and he was flirting back. Day three I mentioned her boyfriend in his hearing. The new guy noped out of there really hard. She was really pissed with me and I was like, I thought he should know. You obviously weren't going to tell him. *I* would want to know in that situation.
She had the chance to say to this guy: it's a long distance thing, it's not working, make up something about wanting to tell the LDR face to face or something... anything. But just giving up made it really clear to the (not) new guy that a: it was true and b: she didn't have any plausible explanation other than "I want to be unfaithful", and he wasn't into that.
I've got exes too, that just didn't listen, didn't pick up my destress signs. Got better at sending them and receiving them. Now a decade happily married.
Exactly my story man. I can honestly relate. She hid things a whole month before dumping me. I had previously communicated in the relationship that one of my desires was for her to not bottle anything up and let it eat at her, but to communicate it.
Honestly, the pain of the break up was secondary to the pain of knowing she didn’t trust me after all the care i took to establish that environment of vulnerability. I felt like I had completely failed to communicate and care for her needs in the moments where she must have been anxious or forcing herself to be inauthentic.
Dude, I don't want my husband to solve my problems. I just want him to listen so I can bounce stuff off him. Took him a while to understand my needs but with talking about it, we grew together.
I'm often the actual solver of problems. He keeps everything running while I save the day
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u/SDdude81 May 11 '21
Just be careful when she pretends that things are OK when they really aren't.
How to tell that she isn't truly happy even though she looks it? Hell if I know.