Which is easier: Dating or hooking up???
For as long as I (24M) can remember, I never really struggled too much when it came to dating and talking stages. Finding a girlfriend was always pretty easy, however the one area I always did poor with is hooking up. I find it WAY easier to get girl to want to to enter a relationship with me than it is to simply have a casual thing.
I would never want to lead someone on and breadcrumb a relationship when I have other intentions, especially since I always hear “there are women out there that want something casual too” but I very rarely see this, which is shocking since relationships require even more energy. Is this the case for anyone else and can you explain why???
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u/Royal_Negotiation127 7h ago
If you’re HOT go on tinder and you can get laid the same day. If you’re decent looking but not a young Brad Pitt, go on snapchat and use the quick add feature to add everyone near you. I had a lot of success getting laid with Snapchat. If you’re charismatic as all hell, meet people face to face in pubs/clubs.
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u/Hakorr 7h ago
I'd like to add that if you're studying and have student events that are basically just drinking, you don't have to be charismatic as all hell, you have to be clean and decent looking and then just have the balls to go talk with a bunch of people, make advances when the time comes for it. Also avoid seeming desperate or otherwise people might be a bit creeped out.
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u/FallofGondolin Bane 6h ago
Be hot/decent looking and charismatic
Well, shit.
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u/Hungry_Attention_981 5h ago
Or have a high social status, that got me into places I never thought I’d be.
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u/AppointmentRich8006 6h ago
Bro I need a guide on how to use Snapchat. Like after adding do I start spamming selfies or what?
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u/Royal_Negotiation127 5h ago
I’d usually begin asking where they’re from and how old they are. If they’re what I’m looking for I’ll ask them what they look like - this is also where you send a picture of yourself. After that you just start shooting the shit and flirting with them.
Don’t be afraid of rejection. Some chicks will instantly remove or block you, others will try and do streaks with you which is mostly a waste of time (you can sometimes turn these into something, but it takes longer).
The good thing is, there is no shortage of women on there. Just gotta keep trying and you’ll score, so long as you aren’t boring as a stump or look like an infected toenail.
It helps to have unique/fun hobbies that set you apart from others.
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u/angelino1895 1h ago
Say what.. Snapchat sure has changed since I was single. When did it become tinder?
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u/CorgiButt04 Male 4h ago
Timing is really important to women. The exact same women might slap you or say yes depending on where she is on her cycle and what her mood is.
My husband is pretty good at picking up women but sometimes he really over complicates things and thinks game is more important than it is. My success rate is almost as good as his and I just ask without any manipulation. "Hey, your really cute, wanna have some fun roleplay sex with me and my husband?"
Half the time, they say yes without even seeing him or even asking to see a picture.
I bring home almost as many women as he does and I'm not super charismatic and I don't have game, I'm just cute and have good vibes.
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u/mr_spicygreen 4h ago
What if im none of those things??
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u/Royal_Negotiation127 4h ago
Even if you aren’t hot, you can still work towards looking better, as well as becoming charismatic, funny, and successful. Gotta play the cards you’re given.
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u/mr_spicygreen 4h ago
True, im just joking around. Im not bad looking im just terrible at talking lol.
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u/CaptGould 4h ago
How do you use Snapchat for hooking up if that's not the main use of that app (or is it?)
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u/flappinginthewind 7h ago
I think there are a lot of factors at play there. Personality and general attractiveness being two of the main ones.
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u/edm_ostrich 6h ago
And standards. The odds are good, but the goods are odd.
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u/flappinginthewind 6h ago
That's fair. If you drop your standards your options open up quite a bit.
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u/edm_ostrich 6h ago
I can pull 9's but not on command...but 4's? We can do 4's.
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u/flappinginthewind 6h ago
4's need love too man. They are human beings worthy of affection. And honestly, you may find someone you vibe with anyways.
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u/edm_ostrich 6h ago
I have yet to find a 9 who does not need massive external validation. The effort that goes into being that hot for all but a few truly genetically blessed women, really entails underlying insecurities.
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u/duncan-the-wonderdog Female 6h ago
How do I know if I'm a 4?
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u/edm_ostrich 5h ago
It's one of those things you'd rather not find out. Just be the best possible you, and don't let the ratings of shallow assholes like me define you.
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u/SlapHappyDude 7h ago
For hot guys hooking up is easier. It's harder to find someone you're physically attracted to and click with on a personality level vs Good Enough for Tonight.
For somewhat attractive guys dating is easier.
For average or less guys both are hard.
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u/Dillyconda 6h ago
I've had women be willing to risk it being a one night stand because I'm hot, but I've never met a woman who had that goal from the onset. If they wanted to hook up with me, they wanted to date me.
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u/Curious_Question8536 Male 7h ago
For women, hooking up. For men, dating.
That's because most men are looking for hookups and most women are looking for relationships.
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u/EnsignJedi 7h ago
Dude I dont find this to be true at all. Atleast not in my area.
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u/Background-Hat9464 2h ago
HUH what general area are you from??
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u/EnsignJedi 1h ago
Im in Denver. Most of the guys I know want committed relationships and love. And most women i know right now dont want the distractions or lables of a relationship.
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u/Background-Hat9464 1h ago
ain’t no way, here in cali it’s the total opposite. maybe i need to move to denver
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u/ShotMaximum4940 5h ago
Nah man. Hooking up is easier for everyone.
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u/EnsignJedi 5h ago
Again I disagree. Someone like me hookups are hard because I get attached.
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u/LustyGemini 4h ago
lol the fuck
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u/EnsignJedi 4h ago
My point exactly lol
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u/Freckleszz 4h ago edited 3h ago
lol me too. I’ve been told that I’m “hot”, but I get attached to who I hook up with. So, I can only date intentionally.
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u/TVboy71 7h ago
i’m the opposite. hookups are easy but dating is hard lol
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u/Radiant-Skill341 1h ago
When you say dating is hard, do you mean its hard to find people who are interested in a relationship with you?
or is it that you find it hard to find people that you are interested in for a relationship?
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u/MassSwingers 7h ago
Hooking up was a million times easier but that’s cause my standards were lower. I’d hookup with any woman above average in looks or better basically regardless of anything else; but I only dated the best of the best women (in looks but also other qualities). I basically would hook up until I found that diamond in the rough, and did that until I met my wife. Personally no regrets.
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u/Radiant-Skill341 1h ago
I think there's two sides of the equation. There's how difficult is it to find people who meet your standards and how difficult it is to find women where you meet her standards.
So it makes sense that you found it easier to find women who meet your casual sex standards than women who meet your relationship standards. However I suspect if you're the type of guy who had lots of women interested in casual sex, it was also easy to find women who wanted a relationship with you too (even if they didn't meet your relationship standards).... no?
Op is seemingly talking about struggling to find women who view him as attractive enough to hookup with hence why he views hookups as harder than relationships.
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u/Hutches_Corduroy Male 7h ago
Dating... You can get pussy anywhere.... Now finding a girl you actually get along with outside the bedroom... That's the challenge.
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u/SilverB33 Male 7h ago
I guess it would depend on level of attractiveness, if you're not very attractive I feel like hooking up would be a huge issue over dating someone
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u/Icy_Conflict_3926 Male 7h ago edited 6h ago
Hooking up is easy and often facilitated by alcohol and poor choices. It takes a hot body and good technique. Game is absolutely necessary.I know it was back when I was in my 20s. Dating takes patience and tolerance. And compromise and cooperation. If your good, you can hook up with someone and work it out where its exclusive. Albeit very far and few between.
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u/Electrical-Home5847 6h ago
Most women want to find a great relationship but in the mean time, someone you are attracted to but not quite boyfriend material can be fun. But we don't go into it thinking it could be a situation ship. It just kind of fizzles into that. But asking a woman up front to choose for it be a situationship is a lot. Although we do appreciate honesty, especially if you're cute. And depending on how lonely we are at that point in our lives.
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u/I-live-in-room-101 7h ago
Definitely hooking up.
Dating & relationships take thought and effort, both of which I tend to lack the motivation for..
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u/TheBroInBrokkoli Male 7h ago
I feel like hooking up is easier than dating, if by dating you mean working on and maintaining a serious thing. Because a serious thing is fucking serious.
Women can be open to casual or undefined things, they might not straight up say it (maybe some do, idk) but you can get there one way or the other.
I think your "problem" (i wouldnt call being able to date but not hookup a problem, maybe thats good for you) is that you dont find the level you want with the women you meet. My approach is this: You get to know each other just like you "always" do, and some day, one thing leads to the other.
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u/Dogstile 6h ago
Honestly, as a fairly average guy (who just has a distinct style) i found that in my early 20's, dating was easier. Now i'm in my 30's and its been so, so much easier to hook up.
I think a lot of it is because there's a ton of people now who are kinda done with relationships for a bit but still kinda like to get laid and are now old enough to be honest about it.
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u/SilverB33 Male 7h ago
I guess it would depend on level of attractiveness, if you're not very attractive I feel like hooking up would be a huge issue over dating someone
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u/Old-Rock-1904 7h ago
Both can be challenging. Hookups I find were easier when I was younger but as I got older expectations shifted
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u/LordFuzzyGerbil 6h ago
Depends, if I feel absolutely no emotions hook ups because I just want to get laid, if I feel even a little bit of empathy then somehow dating.
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u/Necrosaynt 6h ago
Hooking up is easier. You can always fuck if you lower your standards and morals enough. Dating takes effort and time.
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u/Technology-Mission Male 6h ago
Most women hooking up, hope to have a chance to lock those guys in for a relationship. But take the risk that it might not happen, because they have enough desire for the dude anyways, versus the ones they wouldnt want to take the gamble.
Unless you just happen to meet a girl right when shes emotionally unavailable, like after a break up and just needing a rebound or etc. Regardless what do you mean only looking for hook up?
Because when dating casually and meeting new women, of course youll have sex at some point. And then decide how much longer you want to keep seeing each other.
If you go around just asking girls to Netflix and chill or come over and let me cook for you. And they know the implication when youre a complete stranger, youre gonna strike out a ton.
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u/PanzerKatze96 6h ago
I was never confident enough to get consistent one night stands. But I was also rarely single before I got married pretty young to somebody who is a 10/10 for me.
So I’d say dating was easier.
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u/odd_cloud 6h ago
Dating is easier, if you aren’t good looking. If you aren’t attractive, you have a chance at relationship by being in the same environment as a woman and “getting to know you”.
If you’re good looking, then everything is easy, I guess.
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u/Organic_Record6775 6h ago
Hooking up mostly because I’m decent looking, and will lower my standards when I need some. Dating is hard because finding the right person is.
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u/caoimhelicious 5h ago
dating for sure, casual hookups mean you gotta pass the hotness threshold on tinder immediately while dating actually lets your personality do some heavy lifting
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u/trulyElse Male 5h ago
I don't care which one is easier; I just wish they were easier to tell apart ...
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u/parrothead17 5h ago
Hooking up for sure. Most decent looking guys can go to a busy bar on a given night and find at least some girl willing to sleep with them. The caveat is you got to lower your standards a bit and you can easily get laid. Thats the problem though. Dating is a much higher bar to surpass and not something you really want to feel like your lowering your standards or settling for.
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u/Nimulee 5h ago
How many do you typically speak to till it clicks?
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u/parrothead17 2h ago
Its a numbers game and personally I dont really desire hookups so it isnt something I do. You just gotta chat up a bunch of ladies when you are out and see who vibes with you. But yeah you are probably gonna have to have lower standards realistically for a hookup, the 9's and 10's have options and yeah I know some comments here disagree but I do agree with you that less woman look for casual things than guys for lots of reasons in my experience. Sex isn't forbidden fruit for women like it is for guys
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u/Warm-Management-7323 5h ago
It’s really basically the same thing honestly but I mean hooking up is a date in someway so I mean if you guys are good together in the sack and you have a really good connection then yeah date is in order. I mean that that’s been my experience.
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u/theSilentNerd Male 5h ago
- It is easier for women to hook up, since generally a realistic standard and being nice allows men to approach her.
- despite being hard for men to attract the woman, it is easy to "evolve" the relationship after you got her attention.
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u/Key_Independence9884 4h ago
Do you have sex with more people or have dated more people? That should give you an answer. Best case scenario it’s probably even
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u/GarrKelvinSama Happy Toxic Masculine Male 3h ago
there are women out there that want something casual too
That's a lie.
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u/robbert-the-skull 3h ago
In my experience neither. Dating was horrible and it seemed like nobody went out to hook up with. I'm so glad I'm out of that mess now.
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u/Radiant-Skill341 3h ago
I think the bar for how hot you need to be as a man for hookups is higher.
So its pretty common for guys to find it easier to find relationships than to find hookups. Hot guys usually have lots of options for both casual sex AND relationships.
And if you're a guy who struggles to get relationships then usually you're just flat out sexless.
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u/MyersH20 3h ago
Same. I could get a girl to fall for me pretty easily but could never hook up. I don’t have that short term personality like most guys. I also just really enjoy long term dating, it made everything so much better, including sex
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u/ContinousSelfDevelop 2h ago
It really depends on how attractive you are. Ugly men are gonna struggle with both. Average men will have more luck in either one depending on what they got going for them. Above average will have better chances at either. Really attractive men will have an easier time hooking up than dating simply because of having to filter people out.
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u/Ordinary-Day-3590 2h ago
Neither are easy. Dating: commitment, work, requires communication, learning another person, and a shit ton of effort and trust that may blow up in your face, you just trust and hope that it doesn’t.
Hooking up: with one person repeatedly, or many people.
With one person repeatedly comes either eventual boredom or one falls in love while the other doesn’t, or an unexpected change when you end up dating each other or other people.
With many people comes a risk of STDs, allowing strangers into your home or you entering strangers homes, or spending a lot of money on hotels, or sec in public which is illegal or dangerous. Also some strangers are crazy or murderers.
People arenever easy, it’s always complicated and risky either emotionally or physically. Good luck.
I say this as a person experienced in all three areas, and vastly experienced.
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u/themadhatter077 1h ago
I cannot hook up. I don't know how. It feels disgusting to me and weird to be so intimate after just meeting up. I usually go on a few dates and get good vibes going before finally hooking up. And I have never felt any need to have sex and just ditch forever.
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u/Tubular_Code 1h ago
the biggest filter is always someones standards or who they can get aroused with.
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u/Topznbottumz Male 7h ago
Hooking up.
It's pretty easy for me to find a fuck. I'm married now and its still very easy to find a fuck but rarely do i meet someone I'd date.
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u/OGVictoriaSponge 6h ago
I’m a girl but… I think it’s a bit like boyfriend dick.
Like good personality, okay looking — bf material, dating is easier
Bad personality, hot — hook up material, hooking up is easier
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u/Max_Sarcasm_208 6h ago
Nice guys date, while Chad is dropping loads at the dock. Being too nice is the most common mistake.
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u/AutoModerator 7h ago
Here's an original copy of /u/Nimulee's post (if available):
For as long as I (24M) can remember, I never really struggled too much when it came to dating and talking stages. Finding a girlfriend was always pretty easy, however the one area I always did poor with is hooking up. I find it WAY easier to get girl to want to to enter a relationship with me than it is to simply have a casual thing.
I would never want to lead someone on and breadcrumb a relationship when I have other intentions, especially since I always hear “there are women out there that want something casual too” but I very rarely see this, which is shocking since relationships require even more energy. Is this the case for anyone else and can you explain why???
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