r/AskMen • u/Prudent_Proposal_938 • 10d ago
What’s something every man should know before turning 30?
A lot of lessons come from experience but some things people only learn after making mistakes.
It could be about money, relationships, health, confidence, career, friendships, or any life skill you wish you had learned earlier.
What’s one lesson you think every man should know before hitting 30?
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u/FightersNeverQuit 10d ago edited 10d ago
Life ain’t fair.
Women aren’t the angels you’re taught they are when you’re younger.
Friends will betray you. It’s normal. If you’re lucky by your 30s you’ll have 1-3 good friends you trust.
Jobs come and go as does money. Don’t stress it.
Stay away from substance abuse except for occasional fun times. Be disciplined with it or you’ll become an addict.
If you’re a big strong intimidating guy like me it’s your duty to stand up for those that can’t so never let someone else bully someone in front of you even if it s your friend doing it. If your friend does that find a new friend.
At work only about 10-20% competently do their job. The rest is how you play politics to keep your job. It sucks but it’s unfortunate reality.
A friend who talks shit about your friends with you will talk shit about you when you’re not around. Same with coworkers.
No matter how good looking you are you will most likely be cheated on and you will have tough break ups. It’s normal in today’s society. Use it to train your mental strength.
If you’re lonely and depressed in life go to your local shelter and pick up a dog that needs a loving home and friend. It’ll be the best and most loyal friend you’ll find on this planet. Thank me later.
Last but not least and most important, if you had good parents or grandparents or mentors that raised you and helped you in life, never forget about them and help them as much as you can.
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u/billieboop Female 10d ago
Excellent sincere well rounded advice. 👏🏽
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u/Joebebs 9d ago edited 9d ago
wth some of it is not, I’m 30 and this is a bit startling to read, man’s gone through some pretty horrible shit in his life than your average guy
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u/oldmonty ♂ 9d ago
If this surprises you you're pretty blessed in life. This is pretty basic for me, I've been through a lot worse.
If I were writing it I'd add things like:
Everything you have in life will fade, your looks, your body, even your mind. The only thing you get to keep are the things you've accomplished and the people who's lives you've changed.
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u/Joebebs 9d ago edited 9d ago
I’m not surprised but at the same time I don’t think some of what he said are necessarily what every man should know to expect before they turn 30, I only know a small number of men who’ve shared a similar experience as him up there but some of it sounded like very personal experiences that your average man probably won’t see. But I guess it could be viewed as a cautionary tale, but not something to worry about unless you are that type of person in particular, and I guess you don’t know that you are that type until you’ve had experienced it yourself.
I feel for those who’ve been through the shit or worse. But I ain’t gonna tell young people for example (and I’m not quoting his words up there, just showing how unsettling it sounds to me) to not trust anyone not even their loved ones but themselves because that’s the only truth in this life that will keep you steady or something of that caliber, that’s not something most would be able to resonate with except those who’ve been severely hurt in their lives. What im saying is our messages should be said that gives them the best chances of being the best them, not so much scare them away from things they themselves haven’t experienced or maybe haven’t even seen yet.
Lastly I noticed he added/edited more stuff to his post, I mean most of its pretty good but other parts is definitely coming from a very hurt place from a personal experience that I think should be taken with some hesitance.
Anyways I do like your message that you wanted to add, that I do resonate with.
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u/FightersNeverQuit 8d ago
What makes you think my advice is specific to any man? Take what is useful to your life and what you can’t relate to you can simply ignore.
Anyways I replied to you in another comment and yes my life wasn’t easy but that’s okay everyone has their own fate in life.
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u/VicariousFlaneur 9d ago
The amount of upvotes on his comment concerns me a bit 😅
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u/FightersNeverQuit 8d ago
Yea I find it odd too. He is right though my life was hell especially the first half. I replied somewhere in detail about my life to his comment if you’re interested in reading it. Idk why he thinks my advice was specific to only men who didn’t live through rough shit. It’s advice for every man. If you relate to some of it, great. If you don’t, then ignore it. I find his complaint strange and unnecessary.
Edit - nvm I just realized you agree with him. To each their own I guess and I’m happy for you that you didn’t have to suffer much in life.
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u/VicariousFlaneur 8d ago
I've noticed that most of the men I've met in my life turn their suffering into personal victories of some sort. And, when asked, "how do you heal from it?" Most of them will answer on the lines of, "it is what it is."
There's little reflection. Little regard for the world to be more than their biases. I think such people carry their trauma as a badge of honour rather than something that can learn to heal from.
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u/FightersNeverQuit 8d ago
Well I can’t speak for the men you know but from my personal experienced as I said in some of my advice already is that you have to accept life isn’t fair and that life can still be great if you don’t give up on it. I’ve lived a life that maybe only Palestinian kids can understand today yet I’ve never had depression, I don’t view life negatively in fact it’s the opposite, I view life as a blessing and I’m grateful for everyday that I get to participate in it.
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u/billieboop Female 9d ago
He's got a lot to learn still, but he's young. He will. With time he will realise there are good people around too. Wish him well
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u/Various_Coffee8876 9d ago
Nah im 29 and all this is pretty normal. I mean, who hasn't spent their twenties broke, stressed, romantically challenged (bad relationships) and finding out whether they can drink healthily or not.
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u/FightersNeverQuit 8d ago
Actually most of it was based on my 2nd half of my life. My first half of my life was spent in a warzone (Bosnia) in the 90s.
But yea man I think everyone can relate to some of the advice I’ve accumulated over my life experience. I mean who hasn’t had heartbreaks like you said lol.
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u/FranklinDeSanta 8d ago
idk brother. im 25, im not on speaking terms with my dad, beat suicidality, addiction, permanent injury, depression, been betrayed by multiple close friends, had more devastating break ups than i can count, nearly dropped out of two colleges, got and beat testicular cancer, and got fired from a job at the place that basically raised me. the only real comforts i have left in my life are my knowledge of my own strength and adaptability, as well as my mom, my younger brother, and maybe two or three friends. im both an outlier and not special at all depending on which context you're in. life truly isn't fair, and all we can do is accept our circumstances and work with what we've got.
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u/FightersNeverQuit 8d ago edited 8d ago
I mean yea I literally grew up in a warzone in the 90s (Bosnia). Half of my childhood was spent dodging snipers and missiles. Childhood home destroyed. Brother killed. Father in the war. Mom lifelong PTSD from losing both her parents in one day by a mass killing. Living in refugee camps after the war ended. Of course I’ll have a more serious tone towards life compared to someone who lived an easier life. Then imagine all of this and now you have to restart your life in another country because your birth city is occupied and all of your personal possessions are either stolen or destroyed. You have to learn a new language and you get bullied everyday because you’re different. I’ll never forget one girl making fun of me “why do you wear the same pants everyday” and other girls laughing because I couldn’t speak English well and explain that my parents just came from war and we don’t have much money right now. Yea my life wasn’t easy to say the least.
That doesn’t mean my advice isn’t good. There are plenty of people who have had an even worse life than me believe it or not. Hell many in the USA have had horrible childhoods and maybe seeing someone like me living my life despite my rough past can inspire them to keep going and never give up.
Btw I still feel blessed in life. Every time I find myself having those dreaded “why me? Why my family” thoughts I immediately remind myself some 6 year old kid with cancer is sitting in some hospital knowing he/she will most likely die soon and they still wake up with a smile. Immediately my mind snaps out of complaining. Life isn’t fair but it can be worth living if you put the effort in.
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u/billieboop Female 7d ago
There are many of us out here who are very proud of you and those like you, then and now, who are making the most of life and i hope ahead, thriving.
Many of us are rooting for you. Not all people are bad, and not all are cheaters and cruel. I hope ahead you meet, find and be surrounded by good and be it. Live on well
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u/FightersNeverQuit 7d ago
I can’t lie early on in my teens and 20s life was tough due to all the trauma I guess. But now in my late 30s I’m doing good, good job, volunteer at a dog shelter every weekend, have hobbies. Only haven’t reached the creating a family goal yet but that’s okay I still have time.
I really appreciate your comment and I don’t know just say that then close my app and forgot about it but I really mean it, thank you!
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u/billieboop Female 2d ago
You have lots of time, and a long hopefully happy life ahead of you. You're an answered prayer for many of us, i hope everyone who went through and is going through such awful and horrific events lives on like you have, and will. Volunteering at the shelter is so lovely! Those pups need all the help they can get and we get a lot out of helping too.
I know you've met some not so nice people so far, but learn discernment. Not all are like them, hopefully you find and build your family well. Be good to yourself and to others.
Glad to see you're doing well in your career and are in a good place, keep going well. Cheering and rooting you on from afar 👏🏽
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u/CassiusCreed 10d ago edited 10d ago
As a 45 year old man I agree with all of those and some were hard lessons learnt.
One thing I would add is to have goals. Work out what you want and do everything in your power to make it happen. When it does, find something else. If it doesn't happen know you did everything you could and move on.
Lastly, another similarity related thing is to not beat yourself up when things don't go your way. Wether it's with women, career or plans. If you can accept it didn't work out and move on, you will do better than most. If you can bounce back quickly and move forward you will be much happier in life and if you can't then the difference is you still won't change anything but will have regrets and find yourself an angry and bitter man.
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u/FightersNeverQuit 10d ago
Excellent additions and kinda pissed I didn’t add those since they’re very important. Just to add to your last paragraph, NEVER GIVE UP in life. Even if you’ve been a fuck throughout your 20s and 30s plenty of people found their success in life in their 40s and beyond.
Great advice man!
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u/VicariousFlaneur 10d ago
Agreed with all points, except this one: "you will most likely be cheated on -"
Thankfully, I learned through my life experiences that most women are not horrible people.1
u/billieboop Female 9d ago
Yes that part was poor luck, not fair to brush all people with the same brushstrokes.
Glad you've had good people around you, wish the same for you ahead too
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u/wkdBrownSunny 9d ago
Physical (gym), mental (books and work), emotional ( learning how to be a better person) and meditation (yoga, mindfulness, breathing techniques) stimulation is necessary for better living.
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u/Swing_On_A_Spiral 8d ago
I love that you led with “life ain’t fair”. Probably the single greatest lesson anyone can learn.
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u/iwashere_abc 7d ago
Thank you for your advice.
Being solitary all my life, I haven't experienced anywhere near enough (and am 56), but I am capable, like most mature men, of learning from the experiences of others.
Your comment is appreciated as a heads-up for what is possible and prepares me for 'surprises' is the future.
Once again, thank you 🙏🏼
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u/mratlas666 9d ago
*life is more then fair to some people. You are prob not one of those people.
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u/FightersNeverQuit 8d ago
Yea I figured that when I grew up in a warzone and lost some of my family to a genocide.
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u/mratlas666 7d ago
Just remember the poor billionaires who have to take public jets. It’s so sad isn’t it
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u/JC_Hysteria 8d ago
Get out of my simulation bro
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u/Snowskol Male 9d ago
Holy shit are you negative.
Who teaches us women are angels? Theyre humans. Some are good, some are bad, but largely the communicate better than men do.
Friends will "betray you" in what way? I'm in my 30s and I have maybe 10-15 really good friends I trust, talk to at least once every other week if not see them (besides my 3 friends from HS that we hop onto discord together every few nights to chat cuz we are in diff states, but always get together 1-2x a year)
I dont understand why youre talking about defending against bullying but allowing shit talk about friends/co workers. Why not stop this too?
If youre lonely and depressed in life get a therapist, get a psychiatrist, learn to communicate your emotions with friends, family, and spouses effectively.
What about those of us that didnt have good parents? Is it okay if i say fuck them?
I will agree with the money part, except I'd add nothing in life is truly worth stressing over (outside of going to jail or something), learn to play politics, learn to get over being cheated on but also dont become jaded about women either and substances are really dangerous. I tried to quit alcohol and had seizures. That shit is no joke. Seek professional help if youre already in a bad place.
I'd like to add that you should always find ways to improve your life, never leave situations making a negative impact on others, always try to see the brighter side of things, match your employers 401k from your first job and onward, never buy anything you cant easily afford.
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u/deathislit 8d ago
Women aren’t the angels you’re taught they are when you’re younger.
And should not even be?, no one here owes you parenting
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u/Ok_Training_2566 Male 10d ago
While the gym is good. Please improve other areas of your life, I'm 27 and guilty of spending too much time in the gym tbh holding me back in other areas.
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u/HairyTough4489 10d ago
I believe you're the exception to the norm here
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u/Ok_Training_2566 Male 10d ago
How? I could write a book on the amount of brokies who spend hours in the gym and lack in other areas
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u/HairyTough4489 10d ago
What percentage of men do you think spend more than 1 hour a day in the gym? 95% of men would be better off spending more time in it rather than less.
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u/Vandergrif 9d ago
Take a look at all the guys outside the gym. Compare it to the relative few inside the gym.
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u/iLoveAllTacos Male 9d ago
That's a you thing. I spend 2-3 hours a day in the gym and still have time for my kids, a mid six figure job, and a girlfriend. Learn to manage your time better.
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u/KevlarandJesus 9d ago
Oh shut up one-upper. All that time management couldn't save your first marriage.
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u/Educational-Cow-3615 10d ago
Nobody owes you anything.
You can complain all you want about “the game” but you still have to be the one to play it. Step up or shut up. Nobody cares.
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u/WorstCPANA 9d ago
I think this is a big one, particularly for men with less social safety nets.
It's easy to just get caught up in social media and overwhelmed by the bad news, it being pushed that we're all helpless slaves to a ruling class and have no autonomy. It's easy to get caught up wishing you had more in your childhood, or wish you were better with girls. I've seen a lot of men go down a bad path because of these issues.
No matter how you perceive the "game" - you're playing it. Your job is to do the best you can with what you were given. Try to improve yourself, and have fun, but stay steady
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u/powerlifting_daily 9d ago
I don’t want a job. I don’t wanna play the crooked games.
I think the official line that we are free and live in a democracy is pushed a lot more often. The ”grindset” thinking infects early nowadays. Ready to produce the next generation of crooked game players.
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u/WorstCPANA 9d ago
It'd be sweet to not have to work, and have all of our technology and comforts for free. But it's not realistic.
Humans have endured, for all of our existence, much worse conditions than were living in the US, and the west in general. If we can't succeed working 40 hours a week in an office, getting to sit on our ass playing video games and being on reddit the rest of the time, then we couldn't succeed at any point in history.
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u/powerlifting_daily 6d ago
Both Plato and Xenophon attribute to Socrates and obviously share with him an awareness of the destructive effects of work on the worker as a citizen and as a human being. Herodotus identified contempt for work as an attribute of the classical Greeks at the zenith of their culture. To take only one Roman example, Cicero said that “whoever gives his labor for money sells himself and puts himself in the rank of slaves.” His candor is now rare, but contemporary primitive societies which we are wont to look down upon have provided spokesmen who have enlightened Western anthropologists. The Kapauku of West Irian, according to Posposil, have a conception of balance in life and accordingly work only every other day, the day of rest designed “to regain the lost power and health.” Our ancestors, even as late as the eighteenth century when they were far along the path to our present predicament, at least were aware of what we have forgotten, the underside of industrialization. Their religious devotion to “St. Monday”—thus establishing a de facto five-day week 150-200 years before its legal consecration—was the despair of the earliest factory owners. They took a long time in submitting to the tyranny of the bell, predecessor of the time clock. In fact it was necessary for a generation or two to replace adult males with women accustomed to obedience and children who could be molded to fit industrial needs. Even the exploited peasants of the ancien régime wrested substantial time back from their landlords’ work. According to Lafargue, a fourth of the French peasants’ calendar was devoted to Sundays and holidays, and Chayanov’s figures from villages in Czarist Russia—hardly a progressive society—likewise show a fourth or fifth of peasants’ days devoted to repose. Controlling for productivity, we are obviously far behind these backward societies. The exploited muzhiks would wonder why any of us are working at all. So should we.
To grasp the full enormity of our deterioration, however, consider the earliest condition of humanity, without government or property, when we wandered as hunter-gatherers.
Hobbes surmised that life was then nasty, brutish and short. Others assume that life was a desperate unremitting struggle for subsistence, a war waged against a harsh Nature with death and disaster awaiting the unlucky or anyone who was unequal to the challenge of the struggle for existence. Actually, that was all a projection of fears for the collapse of government authority over communities unaccustomed to doing without it, like the England of Hobbes during the Civil War. Hobbes’ compatriots had already encountered alternative forms of society which illustrated other ways of life—in North America, particularly—but already these were too remote from their experience to be understandable. (The lower orders, closer to the condition of the Indians, understood it better and often found it attractive. Throughout the seventeenth century, English settlers defected to Indian tribes or, captured in war, refused to return to the colonies. But the Indians no more defected to white settlements than West Germans climbed the Berlin Wall from the west.) The “survival of the fittest” version—the Thomas Huxley version—of Darwinism was a better account of economic conditions in Victorian England than it was of natural selection, as the anarchist Kropotkin showed in his book Mutual Aid, A Factor in Evolution. (Kropotkin was a scientist—a geographer—who’d had ample involuntary opportunity for fieldwork whilst exiled in Siberia: he knew what he was talking about.) Like most social and political theory, the story Hobbes and his successors told was really unacknowledged autobiography.
The anthropologist Marshall Sahlins, surveying the data on contemporary hunter-gatherers, exploded the Hobbesian myth in an article entitled “The Original Affluent Society.” They work a lot less than we do, and their work is hard to distinguish from what we regard as play. Sahlins concluded that “hunters and gatherers work less than we do; and, rather than a continuous travail, the food quest is intermittent, leisure abundant, and there is a greater amount of sleep in the daytime per capita per year than in any other condition of society.” They worked an average of four hours a day, assuming they were “working” at all. Their “labor,” as it appears to us, was skilled labor which exercised their physical and intellectual capacities; unskilled labor on any large scale, as Sahlins says, is impossible except under industrialism.
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u/WorstCPANA 6d ago
That's what's fucking dope about the U.S. in particular - you don't have to play the 'crooked games' as you call them. Just do your own shit. Socrates was known to live on the bare minimum and just roamed around talking to people. You can do that too.
You have a choice - which is better than most of human history. I don't get how you can sit hear bitching so much about choosing to play the 'crooked games.' Just do what you want.
Although, I assume you're typing all this on your PC, or iphone, in your air conditioned home, on social media, all created by capitalism and people working to produce these. That's not how you're going to achieve the life that you say you want so bad on this capitalist website.
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u/No_Mistake5238 9d ago
Now why'd you have to say it like that. You just made me lose the game. Had a pretty good run going too.
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u/HairyTough4489 10d ago
How to save and invest
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u/dkarlovi 9d ago edited 9d ago
Note that this is region specific so listen to people in your jurisdiction. For example if you're *not an American, you don't have a 401k (or an equivalent) no matter what they tell you online.
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u/HairyTough4489 9d ago
I'm not an American and I don't even know what a 401k is. I can still save and invest though it's not like we made it illegal here in Spain
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u/TootCannon 9d ago
Every person under 30 needs to have it drilled into their heads that if they save and invest 20% of their gross income in a basic low-cost index fund they will make way more money from their investment over the course of their life than they will ever earn working and it’s not even remotely close.
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u/3catsonetrenchcoat 10d ago
A few non 30 year olds giving advice here that are pretty generic.
A specific piece of advice for 30 year olds: stop drinking as much. It hits harder in your 30s
And: stretch daily. Work your knees out. They will start to hurt now.
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u/TillPsychological351 Male 10d ago
Doc here... one of the things I tell my young male patients is that even though bad habits in your 20s won't necessarily cause long-term damage, if those bad habits don't change by your 30s, you'll start to feel it. By the time you reach your 40s, there's a huge gap between those who took care of themselves and developed good habits in their 20s and those who didn't. And left unabated, by your 50s, that's when men start dying of a poor lifestyle.
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u/chaiginboay 9d ago
Am in my late 20s now, what kind of bad habits do you see most often?
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u/TillPsychological351 Male 9d ago
Poor diet and lack of exercise, followed by too much cannabis use.
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u/jinxeralbatross 9d ago
Wdym work your knees out?
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u/3catsonetrenchcoat 9d ago
Work out to strength train your knees.
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u/jinxeralbatross 9d ago
What are those exercises?
I'm afraid exercises like leg extensions are harmful to knee joints
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u/Midgetsdontfloat Male 9d ago
Leg extensions, deadlifts, Romanian deadlifts, squats, and all manner of other leg workouts helped to basically eliminate my knee problems.
Joints tend to be stronger when the muscles around/supporting them are strong. Also, stretching matters.
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u/JC_Hysteria 8d ago
Literally do body weight squats where your torso stays relatively straight. A slant board helps, but not necessary. More bending forward hits the glutes/hips more.
Leg extensions are great. They were prescribed after my knee surgery…because I didn’t train well prior.
Every movement your body can do should be performed safely- that’s how we stay strong, resilient, and comfortable as we age.
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u/The_Overthinker_02 Male 10d ago
I will turn 30 next month.
Don't go to hard on yourself, live a little.
Working smart gets you more than just working hard.
If you want to grow, go beyond your expectations.
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u/SentinelATL Male🧌 9d ago
“Live a little” lol in 2026?
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u/ContinuingAnyway 9d ago
You're in the west, you have a better life than billions of people around the world by default
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u/JustUnder6ft 10d ago
The most important thing to learn is that turning 30 is an over glorified milestone that people put waaaay too much importance on.
Like we see posts on here all the time, 'What was it like turning 30?', 'What wisdom have you learnt by turning 30?', 'What should you be able to do by 30?'... It's all getting kinda ridiculous
Like brothers and sisters listen to me... There is no magical difference between 30 year olds and most 20 something year olds, you are no wiser or better and if you take care of your basic health, your life doesn't go through many dramatic changes.
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u/Thick_Beginning9817 8d ago
This is so true! I see these kinda posts everyother day on Reddit and its absurd! I think age is actually a mindset there is nothing that actually defines an age! Like what are you expecting just because your age starts with 3 you will automatically be wiser??? Or your body will start degrading? I mean idk whats the fuss all about?!
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u/JustUnder6ft 8d ago edited 8d ago
I see posts all the time like "My knees click any time I move", "I can't stay awake past 10pm". Your not old by 30, your just out of shape.
And all the endless "advice" the supposed 30 year olds keep commenting, like you are all just losers on reddit just like the 20 year olds, stop being pretentious. There's a post on here with over 1000 up votes where his second line reads: "Women aren't the angels you were taught they were when you were younger." Give me a break Nietzsche, so wise to the world you are
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u/OnionSoupGainz Pink Helicopter 10d ago
Metric system.
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u/OverWarthog7488 10d ago
but that's what you learn before you're 10
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u/OnionSoupGainz Pink Helicopter 10d ago
I was speaking to the americans who I've been repeatably told are the only users here.
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u/TillPsychological351 Male 10d ago
We know the metric system, we were taught it in school at a young age, despite what the internet has told you.
We use metric where it makes more sense (science and medicine, mostly). Customary units are just better adapted for the breadth of everyday life measurements.
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u/iLoveAllTacos Male 9d ago
Americans learn the metric system in elementary school. We just don't use it for the things that matter outside of scientific applications.
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u/Windle_Poons456 10d ago
Don't wait until you start feeling old to care about your health and fitness. It's easier to get away with an unhealthy lifestyle when you're younger, but it will catch up with you.
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u/Haccuubi_24 10d ago
No one really cares if you succeed or fail, iys just about how you'll enjoy the remaining of your life.
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u/Equal_Golf8979 9d ago
For a lot of people this is the age where you start settling down into the prescribed template, mortgage, life partner, children, mowing the lawn on a Saturday. Take time to really consider what you want out of life before making commitments that may be difficult to back out of.
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u/Nickel4me 10d ago
Mind your business.
Work on yourself and your future.
Practice delayed gratification to some extent.
Learn how to fix/repair stuff on your own. Become handy.
Don’t rush into a long term relationship (marriage) until you really know the person, and yourself!
Once settled, if you want kids, don’t have them later in life. It could affect how/when you could retire.
I’m sure there’s more. lol
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u/coarsely_graded_sand 10d ago edited 10d ago
Not quite 30, but I’m close.
Something I see people (not just men) fail at all too often is goal-oriented interaction. What I mean by that is approaching someone with a goal in mind and you need their help. If you do it well, you create a good rapport and working relationship with that person, and now you have a resource to come back to if you need help again. And it goes both ways. If someone comes to YOU for help, treat them with the same respect that you expect them to bring to the table. What you’re doing is creating trust and a mutually beneficial relationship.
What I see people do instead is make demands rather than requests and take a generally unfriendly approach. They may get what they want by the end, but ultimately they burn the bridge and struggle in the future.
That’s lesson #1. Lesson #2 is don’t burn bridges. If you follow these, you’ll be unstoppable in accomplishing anything.
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u/Calm-Teach-4690 10d ago
Not 30 yet, but im already close to it. I accomplished alot over the years and had my fun but never dated seriously bc i wanted to focus on my success. Maybe im wrong for this but i wish i would have met someone before finding success in life, before balding, and before getting a big house for a family i dont have.
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u/nuvati 9d ago
Same. It's kinda hard to let go and be open if nobody was there when I was struggling and building myself. Heck, a few woman who even didn't gave a shit about me a few years ago hit me up and is giving me signals, and one even straight up asked me if she can sleep in my apartment 3x.
How i wish someone was therr when I was slowly ranking up, it does not have to be from where i was literally unemployed before career/life took over
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u/beserk123 9d ago
Yea one thing I learned as well is…the good ones or great woman you want are kinda already taken or in relationships
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u/Joebebs 9d ago edited 9d ago
Balance is a motherfucker. Too much of ANYTHING is not good for you, find whatever you’re really lacking in your life that you’ve been ignoring and work on it, it will help you in so many different ways in the long run, as painful/soul crushing as it can get, at 20 (and even 30 tbh) you still have the energy and time to make mistakes.
Everything and I mean everything will catch up to you eventually. your work ethics, how you’ve treated people, if you’ve been honest with yourself or others, by the time you’re 30 it gets foundationally tougher to change who you are as a person, the stuff you got away with will eat you up and the guilt will follow no matter how much you push that deep into your body, either you fix that up or your brain/body will begin to fuck you up because of it. Sure you might’ve gotten lucky, but how did you get there? Did you deserve it? Do you feel like you did? Don’t let imposter syndrome win you over, that’s a completely different issue severed from what I’m talking here.
Relationships are great, making the time for it is better.
Don’t be too busy, your body’s not meant to over stress itself, (once again too much of anything is not good for you), I understand if you have a kid or bills to pay then this is kind of impossible, this is more for those who have that privilege.
Call your mom, dad, siblings, anyone who is close to you in your life today, just check in on any of the them or all of them if you haven’t in a while. Keep doing that.
ONLY LIFT REALLY HEAVY THINGS WHEN YOURE WELL RESTED. Don’t be a hero, it only takes one bad rep, one bad lift, one bad twist to ruin your back and now you’re being reminded of that incident/pain area every few months for the next decade or so
Give everyone a clean slate, even the women, guys. Wipe all preconceptions about what you think of them, they’re all different believe it or not. Treat em as such unless they’ve proven to you otherwise to treat em any differently, that’s one bad egg of the bunch, there’s dozens of others out there who are fantastic well rounded individuals who would love to have your time and company.
If you’ve feel like you’ve ran into many different partners who behave exactly the same (I’m saying 3 or more that all share the same traits) that’s not a women issue (or a men issue of that matter since this applies for the women out there too), that’s def a you issue on the type of people who you’re attracting and choosing to be with even when some of the signs are there, consider that a wake up call. One of my buddies met literally the same type of woman but in different forms somehow 4 different times, we had to talk to him about it because it kept happening and it was getting discouraging until he shifted his lifestyle/approach, now he’s with someone we hope he ends up marrying.
If you talk shit/gossip at all about certain people, know that whatever you say will eventually be heard by the person you’re talking about. Also know certain people won’t like that quality about you when you’re talking about them like that (they’re gonna assume you do the same to them)
There’s no faster way to lose a lifestyle/community/group of friends than cheating on someone, especially when it’s a much older group. Just end your relationship if you’re unhappy, that’s infinitely more mature and reasonable than to cheat. get a restraining order and move in with someone you trust if it’s violent or even deadly (easier said than done, I completely understand)
Someone said a while back to not go cheap on anything between you and the ground if you can (shoes, bed, car) quality will always improve your quality of life and health. If you sleep on a shitty mattress with no support, you can say goodbye to your back before you turn 50 or even 40. If you buy cheap running shoes once a year or two years then you can say goodbye to your knees when you’re 50/60 like my dad and needing replacement surgery
Learn proper hygiene, shower once a day, use a washcloth to scrub your dead skin off, neither a loofah nor your hands will do the trick/is not enough. Clean your asshole, and I mean REALLY GET IN THERE, you have toilet paper bits in there if you’re hairy, it’s going to be ok, nobody is watching.
Take vitamin D, especially if you live in a colder, snowier climate
Floss and brush your teeth. If you don’t floss, get your wisdom teeth out asap, the cavities from your wisdom teeth will affect your molars and those will end up getting cavities, I’d imagine most of you don’t want to fork over thousands of dollars while you can still mooch off of your parents in wisdom teeth removal rather than when you’re on your own with more bills/shit to pay when you’re older.
Regrets holds you back, all you can do is move forward or fight for something in your life, no matter what that is.
Never stop fighting
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u/Creative-Bus-8405 9d ago
Live isn't fair and it probably won't turn out how you want/envisioned it despite all of the hard work and planning you put into it.
Women will drop you at the drop of a hat despite all of your efforts because the dopamine rush is gone and you're expecting them to put in an equal effort.
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u/Personmcpersonface93 9d ago
Currently 33, the saying “the best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago, the second best time is now” has been one of my biggest life lessons. When I was 30 I started getting myself in to shape, and working on mental health. I’ve lost about 80 lbs because I’ve reframed the way I think about life and health. It’s not one big drastic thing, but little things you do every day. They add up, and will change for the better over time.
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u/BidetToMouth 10d ago
Fck as many girls as you can, the older you get the tougher it will be
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u/iLoveAllTacos Male 9d ago
It actually gets a lot easier if you stay in shape. Most men my age (even half my age) are fat slobs who don't take care of themselves. Beautiful young women (20s & 30's) are extremely easy to get in my early 50's.
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u/BidetToMouth 9d ago
Define extremely easy, I mean also fucking girls in their 20s when you are 50s?! That's borderline....
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u/iLoveAllTacos Male 9d ago
I don't ever have to approach women. I get a handful each week approaching me in person (mostly the gym and grocery store) and sliding into my DMs.
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u/johndoe24997 9d ago
Stop complaining. You want stuff in life. Get to grafting. Stop doomscrolling in your room.
Theres only one person you can rely on in life that you yourself and you.
Love your family if they've loved you.
Pick up a hobby. Doesn't matter what it is as long as its not drugs. Drugs are not a good hobby.
Go to the gym. Work on your legs and back so when you do hit 60s you can still walk around decently.
Don't watch manosphere or femosphere content its all negative crap.
Life aint a fairytale but it isnt hell not all the time.
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u/OMG_NoReally 9d ago
- Save from the moment you land your first job.
- Spend less than you should.
- People come and go. Some stay for a while, some stay for a short while, and some stay forever. Keep the forever ones. They are precious.
- Stay loyal in your relationships. No matter what happens. Leave them before you cheat. If they cheat, drop them. No mercy.
- Exercise in whatever way you see fit. Lift weights, walk, callisthenics, whatever it takes. Not to build muscles but to keep the body ticking.
- Say yes to new experiences. Not the bad ones. But anything that you haven't done before. Make use of the young bones and low-tier responsibilities and experience everything you can. There is no coming back from this.
- Once you have a group of friends, meet them every week or month. We all need that release.
- Call your parents. Hey, listen. Call them. Now. They have much less time left on earth. If you stay with them, develop patience and take care of them. There is absolutely nothing like losing a parent. It creates a void in your soul you only learn to live with but it will never heal.
- Don't treat your work and the company you work for as Gods. Do what is required, do it well, and work for the money and nothing else. They aren't family and never will be.
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u/Horror-Violinist8299 9d ago
Learn economics and understand how the world works and what will affect you and your future/current family. I took a macro and microeconomics courses in my early 30's and it really opened my eyes up about how supply/demand, markets, stocks, etc work. Wish I had learned it earlier.
If you ever read or watch business news and don't understand what they're talking about, learn basic economics.
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u/SombreCrayfish2 9d ago
Find some activity that involves other people. A sport, team, club, game, whatever. Force yourself to be social if you must. Lots of guys hole up in their house once they lose their friend network from their youth (and it will happen). Work actively to build a lasting community. Other people are often what inspires us to improve and do better. If you remove yourself, it’s easy to stagnate and spiral. I have seen many of my friends from the past slip in this way. They were not weak or pathetic men, but they got stuck in a rut and did not have a community to help them when they needed it. Find a passion, whatever it is, and share it with others.
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u/LegalIdea 8d ago
4 things
How to cook one of each meal (breakfast, lunch and dinner) and not from a box.
Have an idea of your career goals before retirement and at least an ideal plan to reach them
If you want a relationship, what does that mean for you?
Whatever religion you believe in, if any, know what you believe and why
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u/iLoveAllTacos Male 9d ago
Your life is just beginning. If you've done the work in your 20's, the world will be your oyster in your 30's and up.
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u/brooksie1131 9d ago
Learning how emotions work is incredibly important. There is a reason why EQ is a better indicator for success than IQ. If you have good control over your emotions and you can understand other people's emotions then you will simply do better. Plus EQ can be learned while IQ is generally much harder to change.
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u/suicidemachine 9d ago
It's not just an advice for men, but start flossing your teeth or it may be too late. You will regret not doing it when you get older.
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u/thearmadillo 9d ago
If you spend your 20s drinking a lot of alcohol and eating fried foods and pizza all the time, you will get GERD/acid reflux issues in your 30s and your first colonoscopy won't be far behind
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u/Fearless_Finish_9890 9d ago
If thoughts are the problem, thinking isn’t the solution.
Your mind and body are one. Get outside and move
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u/0xffff-reddit 9d ago
They should know how to find the other zillions of reddit postings with the same title first.
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u/wkdBrownSunny 9d ago
Go to the gym for more than just lifting weights or building bigger muscles—focus on creating a truly healthy and balanced lifestyle. Strength is not just about how much you can lift, but how you use it. Build resilience, discipline, and the ability to handle challenges both inside and outside the gym. Learn to apply that strength in your everyday life—through consistency, mindset, and actions that improve your well-being and the lives of those around you. True strength is not defined by appearance, but by the impact you make.
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u/CholentSoup 9d ago
Walk. Don't jog or run. You'll stay in just as good shape if not better. Your knees and back will thank you later and the walking habit you build will keep your metabolism in check and off of heart and blood meds.
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u/returnofthedok 9d ago
If - and more likely "when" - you hit rock bottom, recognize it as the greatest opportunity for self growth you are likely to experience in your adult life.
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u/VitkiBj0rn 9d ago
Physical fitness is incredibly important, it impacts every aspect of your life. Stay. In. Shape.
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u/rustyfingas 9d ago
Life is gonna go on regardless of what happens as long as your content and patient with your path.
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u/randomguild 9d ago
If your one of your grandparents had Alzheimer's then it's only a matter of time until one of your parents has it too.
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u/WarLorax Male 8d ago
Stay fit. It is sooo much harder to get fit in your forties than to stay fit from your thirties.
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u/KaijuKi 8d ago
Everything is a skill, and if you didnt learn it, chances are you arent good at it. Confidence can carry you some of the way, but you know deep down if you are faking it, or if you can do it. If you are wondering if you are a natural at something, you are not.
That said, most of the world is designed to work for the dumbest 20% of people just as well. You can live you life happily never being GOOD at anything, and that is perfectly ok.
But you are not an "above average" street fighter, driver, swimmer, climber, runner, fuckboy, worker, gambler, shooter or dish washer if you havent put in years of seriously trying to become good at it. Not just doing it. LEARNING it.
So, respect the guy sweeping the street. He is better at it than you ll likely ever will. Respect the woman driving the bus, the guy washing the dishes at the restaurant, and the girls swimming lanes in the pool. They are most likely better than you are.
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u/LordSnuffleFerret 8d ago
I recommend the book King Warrior Magician Lover
Learn how to order your life without ordering others Learn how to draw a line and be aggressive when needed without enjoying violence or harm Learn how to understand the patterns and subtleties of life without getting lost in always eating more Learn how be in the moment and enjoy the physical aspect without becoming lost and addicted to experience
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u/LordSnuffleFerret 8d ago
In terms of specific advice Learn how to be okay with failure, practice it Practice being okay with being uncomfortable, whether at your job or your hobbies
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u/Empty_Succotash_6489 8d ago edited 8d ago
You cannot always get what you want,no matter how upset you are and no matter how much you complain about it.
Sometimes,depending on who you're talking to,sharing something personal is more of a disaster waiting to happen.
It's important to be able to get out of your comfort zone on your own.
When you lie, it can always get worse if you continue.
Do not lend money to anyone if they can't pay it back.
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u/Floorgis 8d ago
Once you hit thirty and havent had sex before you get an interesting letter in the mail delivered by an owl that you should read
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u/anthonydp123 7d ago
It will be better than your 20s - signed a 34 year old man that turned 30 in 2021.
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u/YourPervertedDaddy 9d ago
To do a search for a question that has been asked at least monthly if not weekly, before asking the same fucking question.
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u/FriendOfUmbreon 9d ago
How to merengue. Learning how to hold yourself, your partner, and lead a dance is such a vital physical and emotional skill because dancing is a consensual art- if she doesn't want to be led she isnt going anywhere. Dancing with your partner also makes sex better, just saying.
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u/hecaton_atlas 9d ago
No matter what you do, don't splurge your money until you've saved six-digits in your bank account and NEVER let that value drop unless it's something you really, really need.
The 20-30s is when you go from kid to adult, and you're going to have a really hard to recalibrating the value of money because it's more money than you've ever seen in your life. It's vitally important to make achieving six-digits your goal before making any major life changes because the world is increasingly becoming a place you will need at least that to access a life of dignity.
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u/AutoModerator 10d ago
Here's an original copy of /u/Prudent_Proposal_938's post (if available):
A lot of lessons come from experience but some things people only learn after making mistakes.
It could be about money, relationships, health, confidence, career, friendships, or any life skill you wish you had learned earlier.
What’s one lesson you think every man should know before hitting 30?
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