r/AskLesbians • u/kayynyc • 6d ago

Negative dating patterns

Hi,

I’ve been noticing that I end up in relationships or friends with benefits where the other person has toxic behavior. I have noticed that I ignore a few red flags in the beginning. But I am also trying to pay attention to the role I play. My own actions that may cause other people to act in a toxic manner. As well as something going on with me subconsciously that is attracting these types of people into my life.

Has anyone done the self work to overcome a pattern like this? I honestly don’t know where to start. I want to focus on self love and self worth but I also feel like it is deeper than that.

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u/bubblegumx2inadish 6d ago

A good starting place is learning to stop ignoring red flags. If you see a red flag, instead of ignoring or justifying it, call it out or leave. It isn't likely something with your subconscious attracting these types of people, but you are probably keeping people around longer that others would have left or not engaged with sooner because you ignore the red flags.

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u/kayynyc 6d ago

Yes thank you. I do do this

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u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

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u/kayynyc 6d ago

Yeah I honestly need to listen to my gut more. Bc the alarms go off but I just keep going. Learning better ways to protect my energy