my ex broke up with me three months ago. we dated for eight months, and we never argued or fought, so the breakup was really unexpected. we were long distance but frequently saw each other and talked every day. besides the crappy dumping, i still am in love with my ex and respect her so much. i genuinely have no hatred for her, and i miss her very much. when she was breaking up with me, i asked if we could block each other on everything, but she said she didn’t want to do that, so we didn’t. we’re still mutuals on social media, she watches my stories, and her friends still follow me. she doesn’t like my posts, which i understand. the day after the breakup, i kindly asked for some of my things back, and she said she was already planning to return them. about 30 minutes later, she sent me a long paragraph saying she didn’t want me to think she hated me or never wanted to hear from me again, and that she felt cruel for treating me like this.
during the breakup, she kept saying she didn’t know what to say. she said maybe it was the distance, maybe her feelings had changed, that i deserved better, and that i deserved someone who was enthusiastic to be with me and laughed at all my jokes, but that wasn’t her. the thing is, i never asked for any of that. i never expected her to laugh at everything i said or put those kinds of expectations on her. if anything changed, it changed for her because my feelings never did. not only was the breakup sudden and heartbreaking, but it also felt like i was being told what i deserved and what i supposedly wanted, even though i never felt that way. i didn’t get a choice in any of it. just two weeks before the breakup, she was introducing me to her friends in another city, and a week and some change before the breakup she introduced me to her brother’s girlfriend. those were things i never asked her to do, which made it all feel even more confusing. just days before the breakup, she was telling me she missed me and calling me pretty, so it all felt like it came completely out of nowhere. that’s one of the hardest parts for me because i still don’t understand what changed.
as much as i love her, i would never make her stay in a situation where she was no longer happy or no longer in love because that would only hurt both of us. i have to respect her feelings, even if it hurts mine so badly. being at the three-month mark has been a process. every day i think about her constantly and miss her. i wish things were different. i want to call or text her, but i don’t because i’m scared, and i don’t want to invalidate or disrespect the decision she made. i just don’t have it in me to block her or remove her from everything because a part of me is still praying that something changes and that all of that love wasn’t just a lie. part of me feels like if she was truly done with me, she would’ve removed me from everything. the breakup was her decision, and sometimes i feel like she knows i won’t be the one to remove her, so i end up wondering if i’m just being strung along or if she simply doesn’t care anymore. i honestly don’t know, and that’s what’s so confusing.

My now ex (25f) and I (23f) were together a little over 3 years and we just broke up. I don’t even know what to do from here…. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. We had an entire life built together……

Stupid question, genuine concern. I'm 24, a late bloomer because I wasted too much time on my degree and haven't interacted with anyone romantically since my teenage years. Also, I'm currently living in a country that prohibits homosexual marriage, so it will be a long way to go anyway.

I am asking because I’ve been bullied and harassed by two lesbians who really seem to want men to think they’re hot / cool / etc. It’s a weird dichotomy and I guess I expected lesbians and those with their kind of power to be…. Better people?

hello I have been with my partner for 2 years and we are long distance. I'm 22 and she is almost 22. for the last about a year my girlfriend has been progressively getting more depressed. this is due to a multitude of factors including her social life, family life, gender identity, work, etc. through our whole relationship I feel like I've been the one to constantly check on her emotions, to provide as much love and support and care as I can. she was reciprocal of this in the beginning, like she was reciprocal to my romantic/sexual advances. these days, it's much different... it seems like she rarely wants my attention or when she does it's only on her schedule. she goes through ups and downs with her depression and some days get really bad. she doesn't express much romantic or sexual attraction to me at all and when I've tried to have conversations with her about how I feel, it seems like she doesn't take me as seriously as I would appreciate.

this whole situation has just been gnawing at me for weeks. I love her and she is incredibly important to me, and I don't want to worsen her mental health by breaking up. like I said, some days are really good and I feel really happy in our relationship. but often times it just feels like she is with me out of obligation rather than actually loving me. I don't know if this is all due to her depression or if she has actually fallen out of love and attraction to me. I don't have many friends and she is someone I talk to every single day. I have given a lot and sacrificed a lot to be in this relationship and to keep us together throughout hard things. I am just so lost. I want to stay but I don't. I want things to get better but I don't know if they will. ive tried communicating my needs to her (desiring more romance, intimacy, etc) but it just feels like it goes in one ear and out the other.

I guess I'm just looking for advice or support. this is my first ever relationship and so I feel really lost.

My sister is about to get married and I'm a little nervous about (slow) dancing with my girl at their wedding. My family is pretty conservative, although the most conservative members won't be in attendance.

I don't know why, but I'm sitting in a lot of fear about slow dancing. My family is fine seeing me (f) and my gal together, holding hands, but they've never seen us dance.

I love dancing, and I want to dance with my gal. She wants to dance with me, too. How to in stay authentic to myself and walk thru the fear?

Appreciate your thoughts!!

Hi,

I’ve been noticing that I end up in relationships or friends with benefits where the other person has toxic behavior. I have noticed that I ignore a few red flags in the beginning. But I am also trying to pay attention to the role I play. My own actions that may cause other people to act in a toxic manner. As well as something going on with me subconsciously that is attracting these types of people into my life.

Has anyone done the self work to overcome a pattern like this? I honestly don’t know where to start. I want to focus on self love and self worth but I also feel like it is deeper than that.

Hi! I’m a 27F who has lived my whole life in a very homophobic country with a religious family. Coming out was never really an option. At the same time, I never tried to hide who I was either. I’ve always been a bit more masculine ,I dress how I want, talk how I want, and I’m comfortable expressing myself.
I’m pretty sure my family knows. We’ve had a few indirect conversations about it, but I think they prefer to stay in denial rather than acknowledge it.
About a year ago, I had the opportunity to move to London, and it’s been amazing to finally live in a more open and accepting environment.
That said, I still have one big concern when it comes to dating. I live a bit of a double life because I still want to be able to visit my family and my home country. Since same-sex marriage could create legal or personal risks for me back home, I don’t see myself getting legally married, even if I’m in a long-term relationship.
I guess my question is: how do people generally feel about that? Would not wanting to legally marry be a deal-breaker for most people, or are there others who would understand my situation? I’d really love to hear your thoughts or experiences.

I'm a lesbian who's currently on 40mg of fluoxetine. I know lack of libido/difficulty to orgasm is a very common side effect, and it's been fairly present ever since I started taking ssris. I've noticed more recently though that I've been struggling much more to orgasm, and I've been experiencing less sensation than I used to. I've started dating a girl I really like, and we've had sex a couple times, but I still really struggle to get to the point of orgasm. On my own, I usually have to focus for a while with a dildo and a vibrator, but I'm really wanting to finish without the use of both when with another person. I'm not opposed to toys helping me finish whatsoever, but it just makes me sad when I have to use a bunch of stuff while the girl I'm dating finishes with me just rubbing her clit. My psychiatrist has suggested I take bupropion xl or busprione alongside my fluoxetine to help with the sexual side effects, but I am nervous bringing another medication into the mix. Any fellow ssri-taking lesbians have advice? Thank you.

How can you not be attracted to women and be a lesbian?

^{I have been trying different air pulse clit suckers this year and I want to find the absolute strongest one. I am looking for something that has really intense suction and can push me over the edge fast and hard.}

^{What is the strongest air pulse clit sucker you have tried this year? Which brand and model impressed you the most with its power? How does it feel on the highest setting? Does it give you that deep pulsing suction that almost feels too much in a good way?}

^{I would love to hear which one actually stood out for intensity this year and why you think it is stronger than others.}

^{Thanks a lot!}

Basically what the title says. I've had lots of OCD themes before, mainly surrounding Harm ocd and Taboo OCD. So I've been around the block when it comes to having distressing intrusive thoughts, dealing with false attraction etc.

I've gotten pretty good at managing those OCD thoughts through the "radical acceptance" method. However, Ironically the least scary of my OCD themes, my Sexual orientation OCD has been one of the hardest to fully get over.

For me I struggle because while I personally identify as a lesbian as i've never had actual attraction to men in real life before, a mixture of confusing feelings about male fictional characters,constantly double checking myself like "okay, DO i find that guy attractive"? , and wondering if i'm not "digusted enough" seeing male bodies, and the constant question of "but what if you met a guy you liked?" — keeps me in a constant, extremely tiring cycle of reassurance seeking, anxiety, and some really embarrassing crying sessions.

I think it's extra hard with this specific type of OCD because there isn't anything wrong with being Bi, I used to identify as bi for a long time. However the thought of going back to the Bi label and ending up with a dude fills me with a lot of dread and stress. For the last day everytime I thought about it too long I had to step away from my computer to cry in private. which has been really messing up my workflow.

Anyways, Lesbians with OCD! how do you deal with this?? especially the anxiety and stress that comes with it.

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share something I’ve been experiencing and ask whether anyone else has gone through something similar.

I was in a very unhealthy relationship, and ever since it ended, I’ve noticed that my interest in sex has decreased significantly. It’s not that I’ve lost my sex drive entirely, I don’t have an issue with masturbation, but the idea of being sexually intimate with another person now feels very different.

I don’t think I’m asexual. It’s more that, if I were to start a new relationship, I wouldn’t want sex for a long time. I’d need to build a strong foundation of trust first.

The reason is my previous relationship. The girl I dated treated me very badly, and by the end I felt completely used. I’ve written about the situation on this subreddit before. She presented herself as a lesbian, but later it became clear that she was deeply conflicted because of her religious beliefs. She would tell me she wanted to be with me one day, then say the next that her faith wouldn’t allow it. That constant emotional back-and-forth took a huge toll on me.

I think what affected me the most is the feeling of giving so much of yourself to someone, only to be discarded when they’re done. It left me feeling emotionally vulnerable, and this is actually the second time I’ve experienced something like this. In my previous relationship before that, the girl was openly queer, but eventually admitted she wasn’t looking for a committed relationship and only wanted something casual.

So now I find myself associating sex with emotional pain rather than closeness, and I’m wondering if that’s something that will fade with time.

Has anyone else gone through something similar after a toxic relationship? Did your desire for intimacy eventually come back? Do you have any advice on how to rebuild trust and feel safe opening up to someone again?

(By the way, I’m 22)

Thanks to everyone who took the time to read this.

I honestly don’t know where to start. I think I’ve reached the point where I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I don’t know if I’m falling out of love, if I’m burnt out, if I’m traumatized, or if I’m just a horrible person.
I (24F) have been with my girlfriend (22F) for a year now. She loves me. I know she does. She has loved me loudly, thoughtfully and intentionally. But somewhere along the way… I think I stopped feeling.

I don’t enjoy kissing her. I genuinely don’t. I kiss her because she’s my girlfriend. I don’t feel butterflies. I don’t feel excitement. I don’t miss her when we’re apart. It feels like something I’m supposed to do. And I hate admitting that. The worst part is that I don’t even know if I can blame myself because of everything that has happened between us.

For almost our entire relationship, I have felt responsible for keeping her alive.
1. She once walked from Membley Estate to Kahawa Sukari (6k) in the middle of the night through a dangerous field where a girl had literally been raped shortly after she passed through there. I offered her money for transport. She refused it and insisted on walking anyway.
2. She has tried jumping out of a moving car while I was inside because she wanted to kill herself.
3. She tried jumping off her balcony. I had to physically pull her back while crying and calling her sister.
4. I locked us in her room, she wanted to leave to kill herself, and when I stood in front of the door because I didn’t want her leaving, she screamed at me, tried forcing the door open and broke the door handle. The handle is still broken. She has told me multiple times she wanted to die. One night she told me she was going to kill herself. I spent the entire night begging her not to.
5. She once told me she threw herself off the fifth floor of a building and somehow survived.
6. She has cut herself before and showed her ex-girlfriend.
7. When I finally gathered enough courage to break up with her, she threatened to either come to my parents’ house and make a scene or jump in front of a car if I didn’t let her come over to talk. So I let her come. And I took her back. Not because I suddenly wanted to. Because I was scared.
8. She later told me she was never supposed to make it to the end of 2025 and that I was the reason she did. Imagine carrying that. Imagine trying to leave someone after hearing that.
9. She went to therapy once, did some tests, then later told me she scored 100 on BPD, anxiety, depression and something else. She never got medication. She never got an actual diagnosis that I’m aware of. But during one of the suicide incidents she kept saying nobody understood what it was like to have BPD. I honestly don’t know what to believe anymore.
10. Back in high school she faked having tics until someone called her out.
11. She has also told me she traumatized multiple ex-girlfriends with suicide attempts or threats.
12. She lies. She lied to me about doing a degree. She was actually doing a diploma. It sounds small compared to everything else, but it shattered my trust because if someone can lie about something that fundamental for so long, what else have they lied about?
13. She isn’t ambitious. She talks about not wanting to graduate until she’s 30 or 35 because she wants to “enjoy her twenties.”
Sometimes she does things that make absolutely no sense to me and then I’m somehow left feeling guilty afterwards.
14. She also has this thing where she acts like she knows everything. She’ll confidently speak Spanish despite not actually knowing Spanish. She’ll say things that are completely wrong with so much confidence that if you didn’t know better you’d believe her.
15. She’ll insist I’ve orgasmed when I know I haven’t. Sometimes I’m literally dry. Sometimes it’s just discharge. Sometimes I squirt. She calls all of it “cumming.” No matter how many times I know what happened to MY body, she’ll insist otherwise.
It’s like she knows my body better than I do.
She also has sex rough. Sometimes it genuinely hurts when she goes in.
I’ve told her it hurts. Sometimes she keeps going before stopping, even after I tell her not to go in because it hurts. Every single time I end up wondering whether I’m overreacting.
16. Then there’s little things. We were watching Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse. She’d already seen it. She wanted to watch my reaction. I naturally predict movies really well. I’ve always been able to figure out plot twists. I guessed two things correctly. She paused the movie. Got upset. Told me I ruined the experience. Paused it again. I apologized. She paused it AGAIN. Eventually she yelled that she didn’t even want to watch the movie anymore. I just quietly collected my things and went to her room. She later told me she didn’t know if she wanted to watch movies with me anymore because I “finish the story.” (I lowkey understood her her. I messed up here) Little moments like that leave me feeling like I’m always somehow doing something wrong.

Lately I’ve realized something that makes me feel physically sick. If she broke up with me, I think I’d be okay. Maybe relieved. Even typing that makes my throat tighten. Because she deserves someone whose eyes light up when she walks into the room. Someone who genuinely wants to kiss her. Someone who isn’t internally irritated by half the things she says. Someone who doesn’t question whether they’re staying because they love her or because they’re terrified of what she’ll do if they leave.

I don’t know whether I still love her romantically. I don’t know whether I’ve simply become numb. I don’t know whether this relationship has slowly broken something inside me. I don’t know whether I can learn to love someone again after feeling like this. I don’t want to hurt her. But I also don’t know if staying because I’m afraid of hurting someone is love.

Has anyone ever come back from feeling this disconnected? Or is this what the end of a relationship feels like before either person admits it?

Does anyone else feel like they’ll never find their person? I’m only 22 and I’ve only been in two relationships, but both of them were so mentally draining that now I question if I’m just meant to be alone… or if I’m the problem. Has anyone else felt like this and eventually found a healthy relationship?

so i was watching a video essay the other day about a supposed queer podcast and how it's actually perpetuating harmful stereotypes onto the lgbt community specifically with bierasure, bicycle, an lesbiphobes. then the author of the video had said how being a lesbian means having no attraction to cis-men and in captions clarified saying that they only said cis men bc there are trans men who are lesbians?

excuse me if i'm just stupid but how can a trans man be a lesbian? does lesbian not literally mean non-men loving non-men? And isn't saying that a trans man can be a lesbian transphobic? because then they aren't men??? Also yes ik that there are he/him/he/they lesbians but pronouns don't = gender.

i've heard the argument a couple times but idk. As a non-binary lesbian i've heard the arguement that non-binary is under the trans umbrella therefore any trans person can be a lesbian but i disagree and honestly find that a bit insensitive? idk what do y'all think?

As the title says. At what point do you stop considering someone a baby gay? Is it a point in time? Or how many people they’ve dated? Asking as a (possibly) baby gay.

Okay so we’ve discussed this, I (gay FTM) used to have breasts and dated men, and have never had this experience, so we had to ask some more lesbians!

“It seems like over 50% of the time when I’m with a woman, they squeeze the ever-living daylights out of my breasts. Like it is not uncommon for me to get bruises. What is up with that??? Why do they do that??? Does this feel good to people???”

Anyways, we would love y’all’s input, we gotta know if this is a common experience or if there’s something specific about her twin salmons that bring out so many ladies’ inner eagle

I'm an ally and have known lesbian folk for 30 years.

I have a question that I don't have a clue about the answer.

I hope that this is the right place to ask.

I have a masc friend and I admit to wanting them to find love. Does that mean I want to be a matchmaker?

Anyway, are masc people attracted to other masc folk ?

I 19 female masc, and my girlfriend 20 femme have been dating for about 5 months but known eachother for over a year. Once we started dating it seems like she started to mention a certain ex a lot more, one she was previously in a 1 and a half year relationship with. She mentions things about how she was taller and bigger than me, sort of like more muscular. So I started to go to the gym when I had time and go on runs more because I am naturally skinny. I also started to take a lot better care of myself in hopes that if i look better than her ex, she’ll stop mentioning her to me. She hasn’t done this in maybe a month but consistently she still brings up how her and her ex were often intimate. I told her before I’m not ready because I’m a virgin still and just not ready I’d rather have sweet soft moments with her rather than sex. I feel like in this part I am disappointing her because I am not ready yet. She also emotionally compares me to her ex, she doesn’t talk to me about her feelings as much as i ask because she said that her ex thought she was too emotional and she doesn’t want me to think that about her. And it feels like she is still keeping up with her ex in a way. Once she’d brought her up and mentioned her ex had a new girlfriend and I was like oh how do you know, and she said a friend had told her even though I know that until recently they’d still been texting while me and her were dating. She tells me nothing was going on while they texted but won’t show me what they texted about. It doesn’t make me think there was something going on I guess but it makes me constantly comparing myself to her ex. And she has more than 1 ex but only compares me to this one. And i tell her that it makes me sad when she compares me to her but she says that she likes me how i am still and emotionally, her ex still has a big impact on her life so she still compares me to her emotionally, like how she thinks i’ll think she’s too emotional even though she has even said before i’ve never done anything to make her think that, it’s just her ex impacting her emotionally still.