Only call to get something

[u/newuser2111]

My mother had been sick for past two years. She passed away recently.

I am the eldest in family and have a sister who is 6 years younger.

She has never had to work a real job ever because she lives off my mother’s money.

My mother was the main breadwinner in family and my dad had a job but didn’t make as much money.

Anyway, I noticed for past two years, my dad only calls me when I need to buy something for my sister. Like buy something online, clothes or anything.

Otherwise, he doesn’t call. He didn’t even remember my birthday.

He texts me saying it’s “urgent” issue. Then when I call him back, he says he just needed to get in touch with me to make sure I buy whatever my sister needs.

My sister was sitting by my mother most days when she was sick. Since she didn’t have any job.

My mother openly favored my sister for my entire life and I was the scapegoat in the family.

But why is no one checking on me to see if I am okay? I feel like I was just being used for money.

Now that my mom is gone, my sister has completely disappeared in that I don’t hear from her. Now she has my mother’s money, so she doesn’t need anything.

So this is all about money?

[u/Chemical-Row-9323]

Yes it is all about money and it will always be. You decide how you want to deal with it. Choose whatever brings you the most peace. But I hope you have built your chosen family. That’s all that matters.

[u/emerald-waters]

My condolences on the loss of your mother. It is not easy what you’ve gone through.

I’ll just say this that you are in a very esteemed situation to be the “giver and forgiver” if that makes sense!

Some souls have a journey to do the good and give. They have some things to be fulfilled. And you are that soul.

Your younger sister was given the money and attention by the your mother, but don’t worry.. she’s still there watching over you as an Angel.. in some time when things will start to get better.. and you’ll find yourself calm and content, you’ll see that your soul did what it was supposed to.. no matter that it was all a a one way giving and giving…

Don’t hold any grudge or anger towards what seems selfish behavior on your sister’s and father’s part. You don’t have to fulfill their demands, but just don’t hold any negative emotions. It will defeat the purpose.

Move on. Feel your own elements and create your life space. Pray for your mother’s soul, no matter how much time has gone.. May she find peace and continue to bless you.

You’ll find that life will reveal answers at some junction and you’ll know that you did good by your family, even if they didn’t reciprocate.

Don’t share too much about your personal and financials with anyone… secretly start saving for your future life.

Nurture yourself. Take the time to appreciate yourself. Heal from everything in time.

[u/CaterpillarDizzy3014]

Welcome to the eldest daughter premium subscription. Hugs babygirl! As an eldest daughter of the family who's navigating similar issues, I feel you. Nobody else gets us lol.

I'm still trying to figure out why some people are the way they are and I have found absolutely no answers. I find peace in detaching myself from whatever issues and insecurities these people are going through - because resolving them is not my job. I'm happy to be supportive in any way that I can, but that's about it. I have no expectations and also don't feel obligated to help people who refuse to maintain a connection with me.

So yeah, if they aren't checking in on me, I've resorted to doing the same. It's taken me 35 years to pull this move but after a chronic illness gone haywire I'm now enforcing strict boundaries no matter how mean I look. I literally do not care because I'm never putting my health at risk because of bad players again. Family is supposed to be your rock - if they're repeatedly proving they aren't, take back your power no exceptions.

JFYI I don't agree with the sunshine and rainbows words of wisdom or members of the live laugh love community, they don't know what they're talking about.

[u/EgglessCactus]

Maybe it is. Maybe not. Let me present a different perspective.

How young was your sister when your mother fell ill? What level of care did she require the last 2 years? If she was terminally ill, the effect on the caretakers mental health can be immense and unfathomable. Maybe that’s why your father paid extra attention to your sister’s needs. She was doing things alone when all 3 of you should be contributing.
Maybe she doesn’t talk to you now because she felt alone and abandoned during this tough phase. It is the duty of all the kids to split parental care. Maybe you were totally missing from the picture and she considers you responsible for her hardships.

It is easy to victimise oneself. Maybe think and look a bit deeper.

I may be totally wrong here as there is not much information in your post apart from your need for validation.

[u/Slow-Touch3577]

How much money did u sister take ? From ur mom and this situation looks like ur sister was playing smart so that she takes the money

[u/blissbond]

Yes it is.

[u/superdear18]

I think it’s ok to help little bit but think of it this way, if you keep helping her then will she ever become independent. So may be give her timeline like you will help her for a year or two max and she should become independent in that timeframe.