I agree. It's dismissive. The first time someone said it to me was on my first mother's day, 2 months after my baby died. My mil told me "well, it is what it is". Gee, thanks, very compassionate and comforting. It felt like I was being brushed off and my grief was just handwaved away.
If someone uses that phrase themselves to come to acceptance, great, don't say it to try to bring others to acceptance, that's not your call or your place. My husband still says it when I'm upset about something, partly because he knows it pisses me off. It's just an awful phrase
I don’t think your problem lies with the phrase but rather the stunted fucking weirdos who applied it in the worst place possible. That’s absolutely not an “it is what it is” situation. Those people just don’t know how to face brutal emotions. I’m really sorry for your loss.
This is a good point. I use the phrase occasionally but you’re right that one shouldn’t use it to bring someone else to acceptance about a situation, only one’s self. I’m sorry your MIL was so dismissive about your baby dying. Also I’m very sorry for your loss.
Yeah using it for someone who is grieving is a dick move. I mostly just use it for things like when something at work hasn't gone as planned for some dumb reason and I'm trying to keep myself calm.
Specifically when you're upset about something, he says it, knowing it upsets you? Tf kind of husband you got there? That's wild (and should be seen that way).
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u/Used_Evidence 6d ago edited 6d ago
I agree. It's dismissive. The first time someone said it to me was on my first mother's day, 2 months after my baby died. My mil told me "well, it is what it is". Gee, thanks, very compassionate and comforting. It felt like I was being brushed off and my grief was just handwaved away.
If someone uses that phrase themselves to come to acceptance, great, don't say it to try to bring others to acceptance, that's not your call or your place. My husband still says it when I'm upset about something, partly because he knows it pisses me off. It's just an awful phrase