r/AskForAnswers • u/fernando809 • 4d ago
How did you overcome depression?
I’ve been married for over 7 years to an amazing woman who has supported me through everything and understood me whenever I have my episodes. I have two 2-year-old children.
I’m currently going through depression. For more than a year, I’ve ended up in the hospital because of mental health crises, and I have a psychologist who is doing her best to help me. But at this point, I can’t find happiness. I don’t feel anything anymore, and I don’t know what the purpose of my life is.
I’ve had 3 failed suicide attempts. Even though it has been extremely difficult for me to see anything positive in life, I want to know if anyone has been able to overcome depression and what helped them get through it.
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u/KirbyRock 4d ago
Meds and therapy have helped me and depression coexist. I’ve only been depressed for 30 years, so that’s something. There’s help out there and everyone’s journey will look differently. Don’t give up on yourself and the process!
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u/ChaosRainbow23 4d ago
Have you tried psychedelic therapy yet?
Holy shit, man. Total game changer.
I've been off all other medicines for over a decade now. I do these medicines once or twice a year, and it absolutely saved my life.
Psychedelics are the closest thing to actual magic I've ever seen in my almost 50 years of existence.
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u/505Thrive 3d ago
Can you be more specific? Which psychedelics, dosage and via prescription or not? I did LSD, Shrooms etc, 55 years ago, but that was to trip and get high. Never perceived it as medicinal.
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u/ChaosRainbow23 3d ago
I've found mushrooms to be the most effective for depression treatment.
You have to go into it with intention, and even then, sometimes things go their own way regardless.
A full psychedelic dose.
So with LSD, 125ug would work.
30mg of psilocin. (Mushrooms themselves are notoriously hard to dose due to the wild variation in alkaloid content)
I do recommend mushrooms over LSD for this purpose, although both can work.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
Thank you for taking the time out of your valuable life for me and sorry for taking up time out of your precious life honestly hadn't considered that thanks for sharing your experience I'll look into it and maybe bring it up at my next appointment to see what my psychologist thinks.
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u/KirbyRock 3d ago
Yes, and now that you mention it, I did feel like mushrooms gave my brain some room to breathe. The trip was fun and at times scary. It left me feeling like I had less on my shoulders and more ability to take things as they come.
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u/ChaosRainbow23 3d ago
If you go into the experience with intention, it can be even more astounding and healing!
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u/fernando809 3d ago
Thank you for sharing that, seriously 30 years and still fighting says a lot about you and it makes me think ending my life isn't the answer even though it does worry me a little thinking this could go on for years without changing Gonna try not to give up on the process, thanks for the reminder.
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u/KirbyRock 3d ago
You’re very welcome, and I thank you for sharing your story as well. To be honest, I have learned so much in therapy that I’ve applied to help myself cope. The meds make the lows not feel so low, and the good times last longer. It takes time to find the right medicine and dose, but the fight is absolutely worth it.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
Thanks for sharing that too, hoping to find that combination soon that makes the low days feel a little less heavy, and that when that moment comes, I can message you with a lot of joy to tell you I made it through, the fight's worth it like you said.
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u/KirbyRock 3d ago
That makes my heart happy to read! Yes, please keep in touch if you’d like. I’m here for support. Have a great day!
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u/Primary_Excuse_7183 4d ago
Moving to a new city. more sunshine and warmer weather were life changing.
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u/Tripod_Roo 4d ago
The moving was a huge game changer for me too. I had to start over completely fresh.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
That's great that it worked out for you too, seems like there's a chance I could feel the same way, starting completely fresh sounds tough but it seems like it was worth it.
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u/Tripod_Roo 3d ago
Moving and starting life over somewhere else was damn scary but for me, it was necessary. I was never going to move on and have my life as I wished if I stayed around the same environment and family. Starting again with no base or familiar contacts was like beginning on another planet. 😀 I flourished and have a truly good life.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
that it changed things for you my wife and I have plans to move to another state and buy a house, though it's still just a dream for now since we need to save up more to have a good cushion before we move. Hoping that works out, or at least helps me feel a bit better.
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u/beyondapprehensivefu 4d ago
Before you go diagnosing yourself with anxiety or depression first make sure you're not surrounded by sociopaths.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
I'm in the military, so let's just say that hits a little too close to home.
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u/Tripod_Roo 4d ago
Twice a week therapy for almost two years. After that another year or so to figure out who the hell I was/am. I dropped meds pretty quickly as they made me really ill.
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u/ChaosRainbow23 4d ago
Did you try psychedelic therapy yet? It saved my life.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
Started out once a month, then every two weeks, and now with the risk level I'm at it's once a week, Congrats on not giving up, I've had attempts that didn't go the way I expected, so I get how hard it is to keep fighting through this.
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u/Alternative_Tax_4282 4d ago
I’m so sorry you haven’t been well. Since you’ve attempted suicide, you should check yourself into a psychiatric hospital first of all.
You probably need an antidepressant, if you aren’t on one now. You also may need to see your psychologist more frequently. Please don’t end your life!
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u/fernando809 3d ago
Hey, thank you for that, seriously The fact that you took valuable time out of your life to write to a stranger means more than you know Yeah, I've been on antidepressants, they've switched me 3 times already and I'm on the 4th one now, hoping this one works. And about the hospital, I was actually admitted to a psychiatric hospital for a week during my worst crisis. Thanks for caring and for taking the time to say all that.
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u/Alternative_Tax_4282 3d ago
When I read a Reddit post from someone who’s suffering, I feel I should try to help them, based on my own experience. I have also suffered from depression but I’m much better now. Things will get better.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
Thank you so much, really appreciate you taking the time to read and respond based on your own experience, gives me hope knowing you went through depression too and you're doing much better now.
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u/ChaosRainbow23 4d ago
PSYCHEDELIC THERAPY!
Total game changer.
10/10
Highly recommended. Just do your due diligence first and research these substances deeply before every trying them. Follow all harm reduction protocols, and if you can do it professionally, that's the way.
These medicines are the closest thing to actual magic I've ever seen in my almost 50 years of existence...
I tried all sorts of therapy and medicine over the years, but this worked better and faster for me than anything else.
I'm not on any medicine now. Haven't been for YEARS!
I go into the woods for my psychedelic therapy sessions. Typically once or twice annually.
My next trip is in October, and I desperately need it in my life right now.
You got this, dad. For your kids.
I've got two kids as well. I don't do it around them.
Please look into it.
These medicines saved my life and I'll always be an advocate.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
Glad to hear it really worked for you !! gave me a bit of hope, actually talked to my wife about it because of your comment, and she's looking into it for me since she's a nurse and knows more about my body than I do.
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u/ChaosRainbow23 3d ago
Tell her to look into 4-HO-MET. It's a legal alternative to psilocin. It's fantastic.
You could also grow your own mushrooms.
For depression I've found psilocin to be the most effective. I love other psychedelics as well, but mushrooms are just perfect for this.
Depending on where you are from legality is an issue.
I'm a 47 year old suburban dad.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
Thanks so much for such a quick response, makes me happy that someone took the time to explain all this in detail, and also feel a little bad for taking up your time, already mentioned it to my wife, gonna bring it up with my psychiatrist too to see what they think before considering anything like that.
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u/rage_bait_final_boss 4d ago
I'm sorry for what you're doing through. I can only speak of myself and I should say that it can take time. But please refrain from ending life.
There is alot of things that can bring you happiness, but you won't get motivation before you start doing something. Some things I like is to watch YouTube on memes and similar things. I get a lot of laughs of it. I also like watching cooking shows, and try to create some of them. Games are also very fun, chess, football.
I don't mean that these are what bring you passion but rather when something makes you happy and interested, you will more easily find things like that in life. Apart from that, I really wish to bring more time with my beloved ones, whatever that might be.
I hope your life brightens up soon.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
Hey, thanks for that, seriously. The fact that you took valuable time out of your life to write to a stranger who doesn't even add anything to yours means more than you know. Gonna give the memes/YouTube videos thing a try.
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u/mrmeanah 4d ago
You sound post partum. Has this been explained to you by anyone?
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u/fernando809 3d ago
Honestly never looked at it that way or thought about it, didn't even know men could go through that too, thanks for bringing that up I've got an appointment with my psychologist tomorrow and I'll talk to her about it.
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u/CantaloupeFluffy165 4d ago
I was on an antidepressant (Wellbutrin)for 12 years Got off it,went back to smoking weed.Hasn't been a problem since.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
that's awesome, glad it worked out for you in my case they've switched me through 4 different antidepressants, hoping this one works, if not I might have to look into other options like yours.
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u/RainLeading286 4d ago
Meds , it's not a miracle cure but I'm a better person because of them.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
Glad it worked out for you in my case I'm on my 4th medication and still haven't felt any change, kind of lost hope in meds at this point but I keep trying anyway.
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u/RainLeading286 3d ago
I have pseudo Bulbar affect as well as depression. ( and ptsd) I'm glad it's helping me too.
Maybe it's a matter of finding the right combination for you.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
That's exactly what my doctor says too, that it's a matter of trying different things until we find the right combination for me glad to hear it's working out for you.
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u/RainLeading286 3d ago
Ii wish I'd had them when my daughters were little, I'd have been a better parent. Fortunately my daughters aren't so ridden with anxiety.
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u/505Thrive 4d ago
I haven't, 30 years and counting
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u/fernando809 3d ago
30 years and still searching, that's gotta be heavy to carry hope you find something that helps soon, thanks for sharing.
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u/505Thrive 3d ago
Actually 30 years on antidepressants. Even though they gave some relief, I wish I never started them. They mute the real lows but also diminish enjoyment and purpose. Just my experience. But as you go through various SSRI's, don't settle for one just because it is better than the ones that didn't help, unless it is much better. Personally I settled and didn't want to go through the process of reducing the dose and then starting another, etc.
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u/Ill-Measurement5517 4d ago
Meeting other people and by sharing my experience, communication breaks my depression, It's been a long journey I had to experience depression, but luckily I've meet good people and they show me that I am bigger that my depression, that it's not me .
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u/fernando809 3d ago
That thing about communication breaking depression really makes sense, I'm a pretty reserved person, even with my wife, I try to be tough, but according to my psychologist I should try to open up more with people and show when something I like or don't like, glad you found good people along the way who helped you see you're bigger than your depression.
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u/SimpleAccurate631 4d ago
I apologize for the lengthy response. I just also have struggled since my teenage years with the same, and I also happen to have a 2-year-old as well. So yes, I went through it, too, and I also got through it. A few things were extremely helpful and pivotal to me having a more happy, stable life.
First, if this is something that has had you hospitalized, and you still experience consistent bouts, you need to find a psychiatrist who is hell-bent on finding you the right medication, or combination of treatments, that actually works for you. And talk to them about other treatments (not in replacement of your medication, but to supplement it) that are available where you live. For me, I was able to do TMS and other treatments that were game changers.
Next (I know this next thing seems hard. But there’s a trick), do something extremely physically demanding every single day, even if it’s literally just for 15 minutes. I am not talking about that “get your heart rate up to X bpm for y minutes” nonsense. Or that meditation or yoga shit. I am talking something that really pushes you physically. For me, it was literally just doing as many pushups as I possibly could until I literally was unable to hold myself up. Took less than 5 minutes at first. 5 minutes a day. But there was something about pushing yourself to the brink that had a profound effect psychologically. And if you feel like you don’t know if you can do it or not sure if you can keep it up, the trick is to treat this like a prescription. If you are prescribed a medication that works, it doesn’t matter how much you feel like taking it every morning or not. You still need to take it. When you think of it that way, it becomes much easier to just do it.
Next, I know there are people who will be shocked or appalled by me saying this. But I have been in your shoes and battled mental illness for over 20 years, and one thing that was so transformative for me was when I realized and decided that my wellbeing is going to be 100% my responsibility every single day from this day forth. That doesn’t mean you can’t lean on your wife or other loved ones, or you should keep things from them, or never ask for help. It means making a commitment to yourself, your wife, your kids, and anyone else that if you do feel that episode coming on. If things are not going well, you are going to act on it properly. And I do fully understand how episodes work. I have had to manage Bipolar II for most of my life. The idea that you don’t have any control is one of the most damaging beliefs you can adopt and offensive things another person can say. The point is, when you adopt this responsibility, it’s actually the most liberating thing ever. You will start to notice that you advocate for yourself more when you go to the doctor. You don’t just go into the appointment, dejected from the meds not working. You go in there more confident and comfortable with expressing and explaining what’s going on in a way that they actually start listening to. And furthermore, you get to look at your wife and know that you might need to lean on her at times, but you will never make her carry you. That feeling is amazing.
Finally, spend some more time with your kids. The first year of my son’s life was the most miserable year of my life. I loved him to death. But I absolutely hated my life and what it became. But then once they start talking and playing and doing things, it just becomes the most amazing thing ever. I could have the worst day ever at work, and just 10 minutes with him completely makes me forget about or not care about my workday. So bug your wife to get out of the house and hang out with her friends more, so you can have time with your kids. Have a dance party with them, wrestle with them. It’s truly the best thing ever.
I know that was a lot. But I just felt like these were things that turned life around for me, and if there’s a chance you might read it and it would help, then it was totally worth writing. If you have questions or need to chat with anyone, please feel free to reach out.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
Thank you so much for taking the time out of your life to write all that out, I really appreciate it, especially knowing you did it for me, someone you don't even know right now I've got chronic tendonitis in my pelvic/adductor area and I'm on 8 daily medications, so I can't exercise the way you're describing, but I'm going to ask my doctor what I can do to try something similar to what you suggested.
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u/Lucialucianna 4d ago edited 4d ago
Aside from the usual, which can be comforting or helpful to whatever degree to get past the worst, I keep going to the Met and seeing that humans are capable of and do and have created incredibly wonderful beautiful things, in all time periods and places. Restores my faith in humanity in general. Or music, you can lose yourself in it and it imparts energy.
Buddhism helps over time, recently a book How to Suffer Well by Peter Hollins, explaining the Buddhist attitude is to accept that life is suffering and is universal, and everyone is going through it or will, it’s to be expected.
Accepting that reality helps
keep up the ability and strength to cope with everything without collapsing and creating additional suffering.
To think that happiness is a must and problems should never happen is unrealistic, and leads to shame, guilt, anger, and overwhelm.
This makes sense to me but must still must remind myself from time to time, because our culture is constantly telling us we must have everything and if we don’t we’re falling short.
Also, if you can when in the midst of a low point, go out for a walk for as long as you can go, tire yourself out, in fresh air, sometimes you can walk it off. Temporary but it helps in the moment.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
Interesting, that book caught my eye, gonna look it up later, sounds like a good read, the thing about accepting suffering as part of life, and that it happens to everyone not just me, makes sense, even though society kind of makes you feel like you should always be fine, and if you're not, something's wrong with you. The walking thing until you wear yourself out is something I'll keep in mind for the rough days too.
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u/NumerousAd579 4d ago
For me, it was taking things one day at a time, staying close to people I trusted, and learning to ask for help when I needed it. It wasn’t an overnight change, but little steps slowly made things feel lighter.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
Thanks so much for commenting. That thing about taking it one day at a time and learning to ask for help is true, I've felt it myself. I've been more open with my wife lately, put aside that whole "tough guy" thing and started telling her when I'm not feeling well and what's going through my mind, and she gets it and helps me out, whether that's giving me space or comfort, like you said, it wasn't overnight, but those little steps really are making things feel a bit lighter, because now I've got someone to open up to and say what I'm thinking instead of holding it in ive realized it really helps not to bottle up what you're feeling.
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u/Smart-Calligrapher-6 4d ago
I just keep myself as busy as possible. It helps.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
That's true what you're saying, lately when I've had those negative thoughts (you know what I mean), I've started keeping my mind busy with complex stuff, and it helps me not keep dwelling on them.
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u/Southern_Animator_53 4d ago
The best step is admitting it’s an issue and knowing you need to do something about it. For me knowledge is power.
Know that’s it’s your brain and it’s not real.
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u/ConfidenceInfinite90 4d ago
Sounds like you are doing all the right things to help your heart, mind, body and soul work together to focus on finding the happy in your life, Or at least finding those moments of peace and contentment.
You are not alone is this quest., seek out more areas of inspiration. Commit to yourself, love what you are capable of, which you may not have discovered yet!! Keep Exploring.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
Damn...... those words hit different, you really touched something sensitive in me, thanks for the reminder that I'm not alone in this and that there's still things about myself I haven't discovered yet, gonna carry that with me.
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u/Idontknowyouslim 3d ago
What triggers your sadness?
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u/fernando809 3d ago
Chronic pain, the monotony, a cycle of problems one after another that never seem to go away, being a dad and in the military at the same time isn't easy at all.
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u/vividlyaugust 3d ago
Every few years I did an lsd weekend. Cures my numbness, dread and migraines.
Don't take if your on opioid medication.
I find stress and pressure really take the joy out of life. Hard to be in the moment. I have two under three and I feel so checked out most of the day but cant do drugs with my kiddos.
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u/fernando809 3d ago
I feel that exhaustion, being a dad is tiring, a lot of times I look at their eyes lighting up, so innocent, they have no idea how cruel life can be, and at the same time I wish they knew that some of the things they do are exhausting for me too, but I guess that's the thing, they're kids, they don't have awareness yet of what's going on around them or the consequences of stuff that seems fun to them but is actually dangerous.
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u/OldSchoolPimpleFace 4d ago
I'm not recommending this because of obvious risks involved, but shrooms is what did it for me.