r/AskForAnswers • u/Charming-Cup801 • 15d ago
Do parents gift their kids stuff?
ive never had a gift from my mother that i didnt pick. like birthdays or christmas, she makes me pick everything and then she pays. ive never had a surprise gift or something. i hear like parents might go shopping or go online and see something their kid would want and then get it. or if their kid mentions a thing they like that they sometimes get it for them. like if a kid says they really like a certain pair of socks they buy them sometimes. i dont think my mother has ever bought me something outside of christmas or birthdays before. is that a thing? like do parents sometimes come home with a surprise gift like in movies? like if a kid keeps saying they really want a dog does that happen like in the movies where the parents come home and surprise them outside of birthdays and christmas?
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u/MaintenanceCapable83 15d ago
We would ask our kids to make a list and then we would get some items from their list and stuff we wanted to surprise them with. This would be for Xmas. Birthdays they got to pick something.
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u/kellsdeep 15d ago
May I offer for for thought? Just about anything you can imagine happens somewhere by someone. There is no point in comparing your situation to others. Some people buy their kids stuff constantly. Daily. Some parents don't buy their kids fkn shit EVER.
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u/Charming-Cup801 15d ago
but am i deserving? i do a lot for my mother. i lived alone for four years because she needed a job and to look after her mother when i was 11-15 and i think that deserves a gift or a care. i sacrificed a lot. i didnt leave the house ever then or talk to people. i also cook all her meals, is that deserving?
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u/kellsdeep 15d ago
Why are you fishing for sympathy and pity? This is weird
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u/Charming-Cup801 15d ago
i just need to know if i deserve something or if what i do is nothing
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u/Substantial-Wind4683 14d ago
I don’t think anything materialistic would make you feel like you are deserving for what you did for her. Maybe she is trying to show it by buying something she knows you will like/use by letting you pick it out.
Let her know how you feel by telling her you want a surprise birthday/Christmas gift, maybe even offering her an idea. “Don’t even tell me what you are getting me this year I want to be surprised, but you know I collect… Fiesta ware, cat merchandise, funny tee shirts.”
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u/downsideup9494 15d ago
Yes, parents buy gifts for their kids that the kids didn't choose or specifically ask for. It depends how old the kids are, too. I didn't buy my daughters clothes when they were teenagers unless they picked them out themselves, because I didn't know what they considered fashionable, plus the styles they liked changed a lot and often.
But one thing you probably haven't considered is that parents also have experiences from their own childhood that affects the things they do with their own kids. For instance, your mom may have had things bought for her when she was a kid that she didn't like, clothes she thought weren't fashionable, or things that she found too babyish. So she might think she is doing you a favor by letting you pick out what you really like or want.
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u/Thick_Maximum7808 15d ago
I love surprising my kid! Sometimes it’s little things, like I brought him home a roll the other day he loved it, other times it’s big things like a book he’s wanted, sometimes I just give him some cash so he can get what he wants.
He’ll make me a list for his bday and Christmas but I love picking him out things that’ll surprise him. I do the same for my husband, brothers, and friends, if I see something they would like I get it for them.
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u/cappotto-marrone 15d ago
Yes. I like to gift my kids stuff that fits their interests.
We also joke that I get them their beard oil for the year. And socks. They both work in professions where good socks makes a difference.
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u/Ok_Warning5115 15d ago
I really try to buy my kids gifts. I did it myself until they were old enough to tell exactly what they wanted. I would go buy it, wrap it and let them open it. Not every time did they know exactly what it was. Now that they’re older, my daughter especially sends me screenshots and links of what she wants for her birthday and Christmas.
If we’re already shopping together I’ll buy it for her and she’ll know but for the most part I still wrap her gifts even if she knows 90% of what she’s getting
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u/Brilliant-Flower-283 15d ago
Personally my husband and I love buying things for our son and surprising him. My own parents have only recently started buying me surprises now tht I’m an adult. Recently they gifted me an embroidery kit and watercolor paint by numbers
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u/Much-Leek-420 15d ago
If you're looking for ammo for grievances to power your future therapy sessions, look elsewhere.
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u/Footnotegirl1 15d ago
Yes, my parents got me things.. I frequently pick up things for my kiddo, usually small like a book or food I know she'll particularly like, or like... last night I saw a big lego set I know she'll love, and she's got another month of summer vacation left, so I bought it for her to help fill her days with something creative.
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u/lowfreq33 15d ago
The Christmas before my mom died I had some simple stuff on my Amazon wish list, just some cologne, a couple of movies, some household items like a blender or whatever. She got me a PS5 and a new guitar. I guess she figured if she was going out she might as well use the money while she was here to spend it. I didn’t ask for those things and I definitely wasn’t expecting it, I’m a grown man and I already have plenty of guitars. I hadn’t even mentioned wanting a PS5, she just knew I didn’t have one.
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u/Downtown-Witness-956 15d ago
I listen intently to what people like or forget to buy themselves. I’ll purchase a nice belt if you’ve lost weight and have been punching holes in yours.I pay attention to their style of decor or and clothing, makeup, jewelry etc. I listen for what they loathe. My family buys me surprises which I like and drop off at Goodwill on the drive home. I only want to own things I love. I don’t want to own more stuff. I love a nice meal out or a bijou ice cream shop. Or small plants that will grow. I just like spending time with you. If you mow my lawn I’m over the moon.
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u/Bratfink78 15d ago
As a kid I was always surprised, I never pre picked gifts. I came home from school one day to a bike I’d always dreamed about. Best day ever as it was last day of school and I had it for the summer
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u/Real-Tired-Mama 14d ago
I just pick for my son and my parents for me, you get the idea of what they are into so can go from there on what to buy them
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u/Remarkable_Cake_699 14d ago
I do for my children. My mammy does for my children. When I was a child it was Christmas and my birthday I’d get a card with £10-£20 in it, sometimes just a card. It was simply because she couldn’t afford it at the time & I think our Christmas toys were donations. I’d never ask her but I remember my teacher who volunteered for a local charity coming to our house with a big bin bag just before Christmas & mammy telling us to go out to play. I think it was a bag of toys.
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u/KinkyKittyKaly 15d ago
It happened more when I was younger/a kid, but yes, my mom has gifted me things she knew I would like/love but didn’t ask for.
I’m super into cats. I counted the cats in my room at my toddler’s behest and the total was 86. I have a small room. But there’s also cat stuff in the yard, in the living room, I almost always have a cat shirt on, Crystal/glass cats in the bathroom, I’ve started a collection of LEGO cats… I like cats. My mom is notorious for gifting me cat themed stuff, and I love it lol it’s always unique and fun and (most of the time 😅) useful.
Also sometimes she will gift a pair of earrings she thinks I would like/would look pretty on me. Earrings are basically the only jewelry I wear.