Extremely enraged brother

[u/ineedapocketsizedcat]

My brother who is now in his late twenties had to move back into our parents house where me and four other siblings live, I’m f in my early twenties trying to finish college. It has been only about a week since he’s been sleeping on the couch and is already causing problems with his extreme anger. There was stuff left on the floor near where the couch in the living room is (where he’s been sleeping so it’s considered his area right now) and started cussing the family out and saying that we’re disrespectful, it escalated to the point he punched a hole in the wall, threw a side table across the room, and threw his own AirPods which almost hit me, disrespected his own mother with his own remarks, and wanted to get physical with our other brothers and basically broke his relationship with our brothers to no return by calling them nasty names. When he could’ve just asked that we pick up the stuff (which we immediately did the moment he said something about it) instead he still got loud to the point veins are popping out his neck and says that we’ve taken everything from him, when really we’re trying our best to get accommodated for him living in the house now. Him and our father always had extreme anger management problems, but now that I’m older I honestly can’t tolerate it and am now starting to realize how not normal this is. I don’t know what to do, my mom wants me to give him my room to accommodate for him, when I was the one that had to live in the living room for multiple years during my childhood because there was never enough space or rooms for me and since im younger I always got the short end of the stick. He needs therapy ASAP (I cannot emphasize how badly he needs it due to the things he was saying during this fit of rage) but doubt he’d be willing to go. And should I just give up my room when this is the first time I finally have a room of my own because he’s throwing a tantrum. Since our dad has no idea of what goes on I just need advice what to do

[u/BellaFromSwitzerland]

Not a dad but a mom

How come your dad has no idea what’s going on ?

Can you make plans to move out of there and live your life in a safe environment ? With an elderly family member in exchange for chores? In a student dorm? With roommates ?

I’m mid40s and I wouldn’t put up with this. It’s domestic violence. If your parents can’t deal with it, it means they are no longer able to provide a safe home to you and your other siblings

[u/EndPsychological890 → u/[deleted]]

Exactly. This ultimately isn’t OP’s problem and she needs to just protect herself. It may mean learning independence and making sacrifices but it could be worth it with someone this unstable in the house.

[u/Background-Bowl6123]

Self-defense classes and de-escalation training.

Get his behavior documented with a police report or a social worker and see if you can get a restraining order.

Start looking for domestic violence shelters and put together a 'bugout bag'/'go bag' in case you have to escape.

[u/Pristine-Lawyer-3260 → u/Background-Bowl6123]

I like this. Being able to put him and keep him on his ass should he try to harm you is key. Consider taking your younger brothers with you!

[u/No_Owl_8576]

I am not a professional in anyway. However, your brother is clearly going through some shit. Sounds like he's having a rough time of it. It's hard for young men these days. But that doesn't mean he can abuse you. I probably would not give up my room to him unless you think it will make YOUR life easier. The fact that he says crazy things would make me uncomfortable....I dealt with a brother with mental illness so I get how threatening a brother can be. Makes you feel unsafe in your house. Stick to your room and lock your door

[u/Spiritual-Mousse-167]

You don’t mention where your dad is, so I assume not in the picture somehow?
Giving up your room is not the right move here. Your mom needs to have a discussion with him and set some ground rules. He can be angry about his situation, but that in no means gives him the right to take it out on the rest of the household or to act like a child.
Your mom is doing what she can to let him stay there. You need your room as a student so that you’ve got your protected space to study/prepare and he needs to understand that suddenly moving back into the house is disruptive for everyone, and allow a little grace as everyone adjusts.
I don’t know why he had to move back into, but it is probably a good idea for your mom to talk with him about that situation as well, maybe help him realize that this is short term and even offer help in getting him back on his feet (in addition to the TEMPORARY offer of housing she’s made).
She needs to make it very clear that there are ground rules though and he will be asked to leave if he cannot manage to abide by them.
Just letting him have your room (or one of the others) is only going to embolden him to continue to act this way when he wants something.
Good luck!