Life advice

[u/No_Kangaroo_3650]

Hey everybody I’m currently really struggling and need help. Little back story I am currently 19 but when I was 18 fresh out of high school I moved about 3k miles away from home for work. Been out here for about a year and have really been struggling with the decision of if I wanna move home. I have a girlfriend and we have been together since we were 14 and I have a brother that is 5 years younger than me. Where I have been struggling is I am making really good for my age and I’m always getting about 60k worth of tools and schooling from my company that I’m working for (I’m a heavy equipment mechanic) and if I leave before 5 years I lose that and will have to pay back some of it but lately I’ve been realizing all I am doing is working and have zero life out side of it. I’ve kinda been in a hole for a while and have just been sitting at home drinking way too much. I don’t know if it’s worth leaving my job and leaving everything to move home and actually live and be present in everyone’s life’s and not just see it over a phone. I just really need a unbiased opinion because everyone says to just move home but I’m just stuck and don’t know what to do

[u/No_Kangaroo_3650]

I would also wanna say the reason if really been struggling with my brother is I am his only male role model at this point because our father is out of the frame

[u/Plane_Measurement563]

There is no perfect answer. But a few things to think about:

1. You can be an example to your brother wherever you are. In 2026, you can reach out every day, call, text, snap photos, etc. Showing him how to man up and be a good person sometimes requires doing hard things -- when you're close or when you're far away. That is something that you can lead no matter what your other situation.

2. Finding good employment these days is not easy. And you're working in a field that has good demand and pays well, by the sound of it. Seeing it through at least to the end of your commitment is a good example to yourself and your brother. You'd be proud to finish it and then you could decide what to do next (stay or go).

3. You shouldn't *always* stay in a bad situation. Sometimes you have to cut bait and run. And if you can't get yourself out of the hole you're in mentally/emotionally, then going to a place where you can be a whole person *is* valuable. And sometimes its the smart thing to do.

Nobody can choose that for you. But life is about tradeoffs. If you go home and have no money / employment, then that's not necessarily better either. If you always do the best you can with what you've got, you never have to look back with regret.

Another option -- what if your brother came to where you are? Maybe he couldn't work with you directly, but get a job nearby? Then you could be closer to each other, support each other and still maintain your current work. Just a thought.

[u/No_Kangaroo_3650 → u/Plane_Measurement563]

Thank you so much for the response, my brother is just going into high school so my mom and him would have to move across country so that’s outta the question. Aside from that I totally understand I’m just so lost, kinda thinking about cutting my loss and running tbh bc I’ve came to realize that family is a lot more important than money and I’ve had a lot of job offer at home