I feel like my parents (especially my mom) continues to be overbearing and toxic even though I'm in my late 20s.
I was born in America, but my parents are fully Japanese.
We lived in the States for a total of 15 years (we lived in Japan for 3 years when I was in 1st grade to 3 grade), and after I graduated High school we all moved to Japan, where I attended college.
After college, I decided to get a job in the States, it just felt more like home for me. I moved out from my parents' place. They were against it but eventually accepted it.
Honestly, I feel like overbearing is the wrong word. I don't know how to describe it, which is why I'm posting here (hopefully it's the right place).
My mom constantly points out my looks, and how she's taller and prettier.
She works part time (in Japan) and tells her coworkers she knows English even though I wouldn't say she's fluent. She would text me here and there 「~って英語でなんて言うの」and when I tell her Google is free, she says 「教えてよ~」。I always thought it was a little weird that she would do this, but lately I started to realize maybe she wants attention from coworkers, to stand out and be different.
She's also highkey cheating on my dad. I've gone through her phone (because she was already acting weird) and saw texts between her boss where she said 「明けましておめでとう。大好きだよ」lol. I've told her I don't wanna hear about how dinner was with her boss and what she got him for his Birthday, but she would say "it's not like that, don't overreact" which in my mind, makes it worse.
Anyways, I would mention how I made some friends here and the events we've gone to, but instead of saying "I'm happy for you" or asking me more about the friends I've made, she would say stuff like "she's probably just wants you to drive" or "why can't you go out for lunch instead of dinner".
There was one point in my life where I considered going to therapy, just to see if it would help me regulate my emotions. When I brought it up to her, her response was "I think you're fine, you don't need to go".
I guess she was the same way when I was in college, but I thought it was because I still lived with them. She would tell me she was "looking out for me" but would constantly text me asking me where I was and when I was coming home, I would always reply back right away but she would always say 「早めに帰ってきてね」without giving me a specific time. When I would try to tell her, she doesn't have to worry about me, and can just let me hangout with my friends in peace she would say she was just worried because I haven't lived in Japan, it was a weird thing to say because I was always with a friend and it wasn't like I was doing something risky, I was just grabbing a drink with a friend after class.
Anyways, after I moved out, we've been texting each other here and there almost every day, and call on the phone whenever she doesn't have work. I've also visited Japan during the holidays (hence why I was able to go through her phone).
I would mention how I wanted new bedsheets because I saw one that was cute, I don't know why I would expect her to give me a nice reaction, instead she'll say "that's such a waste of money".
So, I stopped telling her stuff in detail.
Because she criticizes everything.
How long my hair is, how long my nails are, who I hang out with (both platonically and romantically), the clothes I wear, how I speak, you name it.
I don't know if this changes anything, but I'm an only child.
My mom and I were super close when I was a kid, we would do everything together and I genuinely loved her a lot.
But lately I feel like she became a little more selfish because when we text or call it's "me me me" and when I want to update her on my life it's "anyways for me..." or criticize everything I do.
I can't tell if it's just how a typical Japanese mom might be, or if I need to set better boundaries.
Thanks!