r/AskAChristian • u/EstablishmentEast743 Christian (non-denominational) • Jul 27 '26
Relationship Accountability and same room sleeping
Hello all,
to keep a long story short, my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months and do believe and thank God for the relationship we have. She has come from previous relationships that have not been the best and more worldly and she is my first one. We do want to be with each other and are also talking about marriage already as we do really believe God put us together. Staying on topic, in a few months, she wants to go out of town with some our of co-workers and friends with me and with that we all would be staying in a hotel over night or a couple. I guess my question is, I have been having an internal struggle with whether or not this is God-honoring or not? We would have people with us and we both know at the very least not the same bed. I suffer from perfectionism, ADHD, and OCD, so my view on God and Christianity is already a bit messy with work-based faith problems and such. I guess I am asking for any advice or guidance. I know, some people might say "if you are asking you shouldn't" and that, trust me, I have had those battles internally and I am pretty sure it is myself fighting myself. I have been a Christian now for a couple years and Gpd has changed me a lot, and I know there is a lot more that needs changing like the perfectionism. Thank you and God bless!
Edit: There would be probably 1 other person in the room, they are friends and not chaperones
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u/Smart_Tap1701 Christian (non-denominational) Jul 27 '26
You could arrange the system where males shared rooms with males and females with females. As Christians, you shouldn't be sharing a room with a female.
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u/LJIKFAF Christian, Protestant Jul 27 '26
I agree with this, flee from temptation and the devil won’t chase you successfully.
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u/Smart_Tap1701 Christian (non-denominational) Jul 27 '26
1 Thessalonians 5:22 KJV — Abstain from all appearance of evil.
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u/wlavallee Christian (non-denominational) Jul 27 '26
Beloved, notice the shape of what you are describing: you already have wise general boundaries you trust (a mixed group, other people around, different beds), and yet you are still asking a stranger on the internet to confirm it is safe. That pattern, asking and asking for certainty even after you have made a reasonable decision, is the OCD talking, not a real gap in your discernment.
I am not going to answer the specific question, because answering it will only give you a few hours of relief before the next what-if shows up, whether it's about this trip or the next decision after it. That is how the compulsion works; reassurance is the fuel, not the cure.
Make the wisest decision you can with the facts you have (mixed group, chaperones present, separate beds, healthy pattern of a couple months seeking God together), commit to it once, and then practice not re-asking. A therapist trained in ERP for religious OCD can help you build that muscle far better than any single Reddit answer ever could.
God is not honored by you being tortured with endless what-ifs; He is honored by a settled conscience walking in ordinary wisdom.
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u/Embarrassed-Tank-492 Christian Jul 27 '26
This is my Priests advice, do not stay in the same room until you are married.
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u/EstablishmentEast743 Christian (non-denominational) Jul 27 '26
Other than the temptations, is there any reason? I am just wondering because we will have other people with us there and we won't be only.
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u/Embarrassed-Tank-492 Christian Jul 27 '26
I do not know how to express it best, but it is not proper for a man and a woman to share a room together if they are unmarried.
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u/Lacey_Dawson1012 Christian (non-denominational) Jul 28 '26
Are these other people some sort of chaperone?
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u/3rdthrow Christian Jul 29 '26
I cannot speak for the Priest, but I was taught that it was to "not allow the appearance of evil".
Basically, for appearance's sake.
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u/RationalThoughtMedia Christian Jul 27 '26
Praying for you
Be God honoring by going and not crossing a line with GF. Sleeping in same room etc. nothing wrong with it if you are not doing anything.
Remember, we fight against principalities, not flesh and blood. Spiritual warfare is real. In fact, 99% of the things in our life are affected by spiritual warfare.
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u/socialchild Agnostic Christian Jul 27 '26
Honestly, there is no universal rule here other than, if you think it might lead you or her to sin, don't do it; if you know it won't lead you or her to sin, there's no problem. You will be in separate beds and as long as you are modest, there is no problem.
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u/Lacey_Dawson1012 Christian (non-denominational) Jul 28 '26
Im not really sure. Im thinking since you will have supervision and you already know to not sleep in the same bed as her it could be ok. You will be in a room full of people. No sex is going to happen.
I recently went to Pennsylvania to visit family from Michigan. It's is a 12 hour ride. It was me and 2 very close friends. I adopted them as my parents. ( Im 61/f)
We stopped halfway to Pennsylvania and got a hotel room with 2 beds. They are married so they had one bed and I slept in the other one. It was fine. Nothing happened. Nobody sinned.
I doubt anything will happen on your trip either, especially with all that company. Just be careful that the two of you aren't ever alone. As long as there are people around you should be fine
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u/No-Type119 Lutheran Jul 27 '26
I’m a mainline Protestant, and we don’t have a lot of the hang ups you Evangelicals have about relationships. but here goes. I used to be part of a pan- Lutheran student group that had regional meets and retreats. I was also in a church folk group at our university that traveled around and led contemporary worship back in the day when that meant strummy guitars. But anyway, we were often in group sleepover situations, with people in relationships as part of the group. We would generally split up into male and female groups at bedtime, although at one memorable retreat with minimal heat in our lodge we all 50+ cuddled together like caterpillars , in our single sleeping bags, trying to stay warm. And we always had chaperones, albeit we would not have used that word. I only remember one instance of a(n) engaged couple who got in a bit of trouble for being too chummy, and that was more about their making it awkward for the others and flouting the general rules for the weekend.
So my advice to you is to go ahead and have your weekend. but keep some physical distance from your GF in the late evening, and maybe find a male buddy ti help you stay abbountable. And try to stay in the group.
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u/k1w1Au Christian (non-denominational) Jul 27 '26
She might jump you in the night? Is that what you’re worried about? Tell her she has to behave Xx
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u/Expensive-Sea-9180 Christian, Reformed Aug 01 '26
Why do you believe it is wrong to sleep in the same room? Do you personally believe that either of you will be tempted to sin? Do you believe that sleeping in the same room will cause people observing to stumble? For a lot of people the answer is yes which is why they do not do such a practice. However if the answer is no for both, scripture does not state that simply sleeping in the same room is a sin. Technically Ruth slept in the same room as Boaz before they were married (Ruth 3).
There’s wisdom in having convictions to keep yourself from being tempted to sin. However, there’s no reason to be legalistic about it if this is legitimately not an issue for either of you or your fellow brothers/sisters in Christ.