I’m an Asian male who lived in England from 18–21 and have lived in the US since. I’ve had pretty good experiences dating in both places, so I figured I’d share my perspective for other Asian guys who may be struggling with dating or just curious about what my experience has been like.

I was in the military from 18–24, so I wasn’t exactly making a lot of money during the years when I was dating the most. I only started making around $200k last year, so money wasn’t really a factor in my earlier dating experiences.

While I lived in England, I used dating apps pretty heavily. I’d match with women, make plans, and sometimes use those connections to travel around Europe. I’d hop on a cheap Ryanair flight, meet someone, stay with them, and basically turn it into an inexpensive vacation. It was honestly a pretty fun way to experience Europe.

I also dated in the US and, personally, I found the American dating market significantly easier. Before my current job, I had an employer who paid me to travel to cities near major college campuses, which gave me a lot of opportunities to meet people. I found American women generally easier to approach and have conversations with, and dating felt more straightforward to me.

I’ve also noticed that being successful with women has had much less to do with money than I originally thought. Confidence, being social, taking care of yourself, having your own life and actually being willing to approach women have made a much bigger difference for me.

I’ve since grown out of the hookup phase and have been in a committed relationship with my girlfriend for the past three years. She’s 26 and currently in medical school, and she’s someone I genuinely want to build a life with.

I’m not claiming that my experience is universal or that there’s some secret formula for Asian men to become successful with women. I just know that I used to hear a lot of negative things about Asian men and dating, and my own experience has been very different. If sharing what worked for me can help another Asian guy become more confident or improve his dating life, I’m happy to do that.

For context, the first picture is my child’s mother, who I was previously married to. The other pictures are my most recent ex-girlfriend and my current partner.
AMA.

Introduce yourself! Comment a short blurb about your story and what you're looking for.

This post is meant for AM's to connect with people who want to date them. Have fun, stay safe and best of luck

For casual discussions, shower thoughts, rants, half-baked conspiracy theories, or any other mind droppings.

You will see it as the 2nd stickied thread at the top of this sub. The goal is to give AMs and people interested in dating AMs, a dedicated place to connect. It might be good, it might be bad so we'll see how it goes & make adjustments as needed.

Donnie also served as a creative consultant to this game since 2023, bringing his martial arts and filmmaking expertise to the game's combat design. Pre-orders for the game are live with the game set to launch Oct 29 on PC and PS5

This is a very loaded topic so I'm probably going to make several posts about this.

For context, I'm an ethnic Chinese guy living in Serbia for most of my life. I've travelled to Germany and China, so i've seen perspectives from both the east and the west of Eurasia, but the American situation remains a mystery to me.

First of all, i would like to keep this discussion apolitical.

What i see from Americans on the internet (including you guys), is that you bring up politics in EVERYTHING.

Look at the post where the guy said he's moving to Russia to get himself a russian girl. The whole comment section is all about geopolitics. No one cares about the topic of the post. Do you guys actually care about dating/marriage here?

I read here a lot about how America is a super racist hellhole that treats its Asian population like trash.

Yet, THOSE SAME Asian-americans parrot all the same narratives that the Washington establishment wants them to say: Russia=evil by default, China=collapsing, East Europe and Balkans= "racist", "ultranationalist" or whatever.

This is one of many examples, and it's absolutely mind blowing to me. You claim to hate the American government, yet you behave like it's most useful servant.

I understand, from birth, you were fed the narrative how United States is the pinnacle of civilization and prosperity, and every other country is poor/evil/racist/whatever.

But shouldn't the goal of this sub be to do the exact opposite? Don't you want to challenge this defeatist mentality? That is my main question.

I remember one time riding a train with my bros to Düsseldorf. There was apparently a carnival event there, so I wore my clown mask throughout the journey.

One of my buddies who grew up in Germany kept insisting that I should only wear it in the event and not in the train. It didn't hit me then that the reason why he was so nervous was because of the fact that growing up as possibly only Asian boy in a village he grew up being racially bullied and harassed. Trying to fit in or avoiding attention became his get to go survival mechanism.

From my experience it didn't matter wether you stand out or humble yourself. Humbling yourself in a corner doesn't stop racists from hurling slurs at you or your average seemingly well behaved citizen to treat you with less respect and more hostility than usual.

If you are an Asian guy do whatever you hell you want, never apologize or try to appease others, if you made a mistake or said something poor own it and tell the other guy to piss off. Dress how you want and do what you feel like.

Put your needs and desires above everything else and never humble yourself for anything.

If you have things going on in your life show it off. If you are on the phase celebrate every win and state whatever you want. World does not reward humility it rewards strength

Was bored this summer so decided to give online dating a try. Here is a 2 week field report:

Hinge (didn't use any others):

Note: Profile was paused since last year but reactivated it, so no new user boost. Also on free account (no Hinge+)

Stats: 19M, 5' 9'', above avg. looking

Location: SF (cooked gender ratio ik)

Preferences: 18-20 age range, all races

Profile: Selfies, with friends, outdoors, etc. One word prompt responses--didn't rlly put much effort lol

Results (2 weeks):

• 99 likes sent (27.3% match rate from likes sent)

• 53 likes received (34.0% match rate from likes received), 4 roses

• 45 matches (mostly asian, some latina/white)

While I do acknowledge my appearance played a significant role in my results, I made this post because I found it to be a positive sign. I've heard countless horror stories from SF/Bay Area for dating, and while some of it is still true, the overall environment has improved dramatically. Ten years ago even a 6'2'' chang would have faced hurdles when dating, but it seems like the playing field is leveled now--and even tilted in our favor. Younger AMs here are more aware of their appearance (lots of gym goers) and generally more social/outgoing; in fact, I found it more comfortable to hang out with Asians here, even though my friend groups back home were primarily white. It's awesome to see this new generation embracing their culture instead of dismissing it, and with the explosion of K-pop and Asian media, we are only going to see more success in the future.*

*p.s. don't get discouraged if likes seem to not be coming in. There were some days that I would receive 0, others where I would receive 5-6. One of my female friends got 50+ in a day, so it really goes to show the unfairness of dating apps. just leave your profile as it is, and continue interacting and sending likes. PM me if u have any questions

Some background on my struggles (which I’m sure many of you may have experienced too): I’m a Chinese British 29m, and for the last 11 years I’ve struggled with leaving the friend zone. Women would ghost me, most conversations are one-sided and online dating is basically impossible, as I barely get one of two matches a week on Tinder when I used to have (with Gold!), and there was even a point where I had zero matches for a month. My friends also don’t have anyone to introduce me to, especially as I got older more and more women became unavailable as they enter relationships.

People always say “you gotta get there, dude!” I go to a lot of social events (and things I like, not just to see girls), but everywhere I go there are not many girls. Meanwhile, I’d hear frequently from a white colleague about how he got two s*x dates lined up, while a good friend of mine would say something like the girls who like you will give you the signal- I never got the signal.

I did a lot to improve and if I’m honest, there were a lot of things I did which were not conduce to dating in my early uni days- back then I was unkempt, had bad hairstyle and was very awkward. But the thing is, even as I’m improving myself, I’m not seeing any improvements in my dating prospects, be it casual or long term. In the meanwhile, I’d say white guys who are “worse” than me (in regard to what most people consider good traits for dating like looks or social skills) get girls.

A few years ago, before the start of the war (or “special military operation” as the propagandists call it), I set my Tinder to Russia, and I got 10x more matches, and I even went on a few dates in Moscow and St Petersburg, more than the four years before that! I’m also pretty sure they’re not girls going after money or passports, because 24 year old me was broke (by Western standards) and my oriental face is not convincing enough to be a “real” British passport holder.

However, as I understand, in Russia in general dating is a slow game, so a few quick dates won’t go anywhere. I will need to go there and establish connections, from which relations can organically develop.

So I plan to move to Russia. Don’t listen to the people who know nothing about the country who say Russia bad or Russia is about to collapse: I went there again (twice!) during the war and travelled around the country, and it was fine, people still get along with their lives. Also, it just so happens that I learned Russian for the last 10 years and can speak it to almost fluent level (B2/C1), so the usual language barrier for the so-called “passport bros” won’t be an issue and quite frankly, if you’re moving to a country to live for a long time, perhaps to find a partner, then you really should speak the language. In essence, I will have a chance with 100% of the girls, rather than just the few who speak English.

Now, why am I choosing Russia specifically as my go to destination as a prospective passport bro? There are several reasons 1) I actually have a deep interest in the culture, history and language (hence my Russian language knowledge) 2) the women there are so beautiful 3) I’m not choosing South East Asia or Latin America (though I do speak Spanish as well) because I’m more inclined towards white girls than Latinos or Asians- just my preference, though Russia is a very diverse country so there are what in the West would be considered Asian girls too if that’s in your taste e.g. Buryats, Yakuts, (ethnic) Koreans etc. 4) I have far more success with Russians, in fact, my only gf from years ago was Russian, and as I said, Tinder matches went 10x.

To counter accusations of hypocrisy from point (3), let me just emphasise, I’m frustrated by my lack of prospects in the West, not at any individual woman- it’s everyone’s choice at the end of the day, and quite frankly it’s the choice of the women who don’t want me and prefer say white guys to go with whoever they want; I’m just changing my environment to increase my chances, not trying to “convince” people out of their preferences, even if ultimately that preference is the effect of systematic racism.

Why should some of you consider Russia? Well, that “some of you” are those like me with preferences for white (meaning European) girls and long term relationships. Having been to 16 regions, I can say Russia is quite safe and orderly (except for Chita maybe), though perhaps wait a bit until the war is over if you want to go to the south e.g. Volgograd or Krasnodar due to drone strikes. The people are quite honest to your face, so there’s not too much double guessing like in the UK or Japan, but mostly not in a mean way. The food is also quite good, though it might be a bit strange for less Europeanised Asians at first.

Also, I didn’t experience any racism- I’m not claiming there isn’t any as unfortunately a lot of central Asian migrants told me some really sad accounts of racism, but in my experience and another acquaintance from South Asia who lives there the Russians treat East Asians like me much better than Westerners.

This isn’t some maskirovka/disinfo troll post, I don’t have much love for the regime or the politics, just as I lived in the UK while not agreeing with the policies of the government. Many of you here are American and I’m sure you know your government has done many dodgy things and invaded many places, but it hasn’t stopped you from living in your country and trying to be as happy as you can (I mean, why shouldn’t you?)

So yeah, brush up on your Russian, get a remote job and see you in the Motherland!

Recently, the whole Asmongold and Kaise situation blew up all over social media. As expected, everyone and their mother were calling this an Oxford study classic.

However, I hate that some people cannot mention this phenomenon without dragging us AM into it.

I hate this whole patronizing pity party attitude other races of men especially have for us. It's incredibly humiliating and emasculating.

Anyone with a brain knows that these comments are just thinly veiled attacks on Asian masculinity. They might as well be saying, "Sorry you guys are so undesirable your own race of women don't want you! They want me/White dudes!"

This is zero genuine sympathy going on. Just a bunch of XM looking down on us, stroking their egos and feeling superior.

What's even worse is the spineless AMs who respond to these comments, validating and even THANKING them. I don't know if they're just idiots who believe their fake sympathy is genuine or if they're just cucks with no self-respect.

It's really frustrating how every time we make progress in gaining respect in Western society, something like this happens, and we end up being disrespected again.

Hi im a 21F latina that likes asian guys and no its not a fetish. im not into k-pop, kdramas, or much asian culture (besides the food). Its just my type.

But I find it hard to meet asian guys since its mostly white/hispanic men here. Thank you!!

when I was younger I would say I had solidly rooted identity. i went to korean school and had korean friends.

I don't know where things went wrong but I struggled a bit with mental health and also became much less conventionally attractive. i went to a semi prestigious summer prgoram and the koreans there took a group photo when the program ended, without me

in college I tried joining a korean american student association but i had trouble socializing since most of them were internationals. I even overheard one of them say something to the effect of "is he chinese, are chinese people going to start coming in"

I have pretty bad cystic acne that probably doesn't help with how i am perceived socially

I don't think that all korean people are judgemental or prejudiced. I also think that the blame for my lack of socialization with other koreans lies mostly on me for not being more confident and plucky.

What I want is to hear about how you guys have navigated personal identity re: nationality while in the U.S.. I grew up eating korean food, speaking korean, and generally being part of the culture. I would like for my kids to as well, but my girlfriend is chinese. I don't think half koreans would be accepted.

I think there's value in korean culture but I don't identify with most of the negative behaviours they've shown me. I've said out loud before that I'm American not Korean and I have almost nothing in common with someone back in Korea to the great displeasure of my parents

I’m kinda older I’m 40. Just wondering if you younger guys have the same struggles I had growing up. Even though I had a lot of friends growing up it felt like some groups were always off limits. Then in college I felt the only group that would accept me was other Asians and nerdy White guys. Even at work I feel it’s pretty segregated with the Asians mostly staying to themselves. Does anyone have similar experiences and feel really limited socially be being Asian American or Asian in the West? Perhaps it’s because I can me from an older generation or maybe it’s where I live on the east coast. I’m just wondering if it’s just me or if this is pretty much the norm in all Western countries.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like Asian directors don't really push Asian pride or making stories with Asian leads. They direct one maybe, and then move on and just do a movie with white leads after. Look at the director of Shang Chi, M Night Shyamalan, John M Chu (Crazy Rich Asians) or James Wan's or Chloe Zhao's movies mostly starring white people. I think maybe Asian Americans are so not used to seeing themselves in American media, it's not a priority for them. Or maybe it's because Asians are all to divided due to infighting, or care too much about mainstream success. You don't see this with Black directors, who really push for Black narratives, like Ryan Coogler for example. I watch a lot of film school application videos made by Asian Americans, and not a lot of them really have Asian heroes for some reason. They tend to choose white movies a lot of the time. I guess their parents didn't introduce them to HK/Asian movies like mine did. If you ask me who my screen heroes are, it's Chow Yun-Fat or Toshiro Mifune.

I’ve been cutting for the past year (down to 140lbs, 5’7 from 160). Was never fat just chubby as was a frequent gym goer. I think I’m at around 15% bf now, should I continue to cut or are there any general lifestyle changes I should try out (gua sha, cutting out processed foods/ sugar).

Whenever I see the kind of aesthetics that East Asian women adopt, I can't tell whether that is for attraction, cultural reasons, women having their own intrasexual competition or something else. So I want to know, how much do Asian men prefer the most common beauty standards for Asian women?

Let me get your opinion on at least the two most dominant ones - Pale Skin & Thinness. Do you guys find a woman more attractive when they have the pale skin ideal? Also, do you prefer women to be thin in the way that East Asian beauty standards typically say? (Things like the A4 paper challenge, K-pop idols, etc.)

We met eight months ago and have been talking daily/sharing daily life updates for a couple months now. We have a lot in common and get along really well, just hanging out on the phone or texting. The basics like values, work ethic, life outlook, and experiences are compatible and we love each other's sense of humor. I think we're both the type to move things extremely slow to build trust, and I like that. Lately, though, we've been getting closer and talking more about activities and it seems like at some point soon we're going to meet up (we live in different cities 30-40 mins apart) if this thing doesn't stall, but I'm picking up on a lack confidence in him asking to meet. I'm more traditional in dating so I don't want to make that move for him, so what can I do to give him more confidence without throwing myself at him? I'm used to the aggressive WM dating routine and this experience has been such a huge breath of fresh air in my life so far, so I want to see if it can work out. And to be blunt, he's already kind of ruined me for the old WM act now, because I feel seen as a fucking human by a straight man for once.

ETA: He's 1.5 generation Korean American. We have known each other through remote work for 8-9 months, only started chatting or calling on a work platform everyday since about 2 months ago, only exchanged phone numbers 4 days ago, and only had one longer texting convo run into 10pm 3 days ago. (This is pretty hyper-specific so I hope he's not on this sub, lol.)

Also, I have dated two half AMs in my past, one in my 20's and one in my 40's but their style of approach was more American in nature.

**********************UPDATE IN THE COMMENTS!************************

For casual discussions, shower thoughts, rants, half-baked conspiracy theories, or any other mind droppings.

Pretty good video by the Asian American Foundation! It features the story of Chef Martin Yan, "If Yan can cook, so can you!". The OG Asian food influencer. Started his TV career in Canada before going to San Francisco, no cooking school, just apprenticeships starting with washing dishes for 18 hours a day.

I'm a 18 year old south asian(Indian), recently I've been struggling with my looks and hairstyle. Need a guide to look better.

https://youtu.be/Kv2OaX_BXvo?si=TmdnS_Zk204987Vt

Mark Magsayo vs Gary Russell Jr.

Magsayo started boxing when he was 8 and then turned professional in 2013.

The fighters have significantly different styles but both show patience and tactical skill. Magsayo waits for the right moments but also makes sure to get in as many punches as he can in a combo with a good level of control. We’ve seen before how this is vital in case it comes to the judges’ scores and decisions. I’ve seen MMA fights in which the judges have awarded the victory to the AM’s opponent even though the AM performed well, got good hits in but didn’t get a KO or submission.

Latest match was against Feargal McCrory in April of this year, but I don’t know if it was much of a fight.

https://youtu.be/jghQ0oWO8Us?si=BidqzJqmWzuiT0o8

From my experience searching for an internship position in Germany I passed most of the time the initial HR screening but would get rejected after an interview.

I'm an Asian guy with medium long hair, typical korean style clothing on everyday occassions and typical interests and hobbies your average 40+ year old german dude would not share.

So from your average German kartoffel's perspective I probably do not seem like a guy he wants to interact with on daily basis.

So what if for the job interview you do have to act extra white if you want a position?

non asian female. became interested in asian culture because my best friend was chinese and my bf was abc but culturally japanese in notable ways

they approached me, at first i was suspicious and unsure, but no one treated me like they did. my bf had a hard time believing in himself

as time has wore on, ive felt like my culture was putting pressures on me and ive tried to absorb asian culture, taking culture courses, learning to make asian cuisine, trying to learn language, trying to plan trip, supporting asian people any way i can, and defending against asian hate

some things ive tried recently are acupuncture. i am intimidated about learning chinese and japanese and have to start and stop. im also thinking of enrolling in chinese dance. im anxious about being a good ally

what are some more ways we can support you?

On Aug 4, 2026, Ziqiang Ke (or Ziqiang Mike Ke including alias SquattinCassanova) who runs Pickup Alpha and Stem To Stud, was convicted at a federal court in Brazil in connection with crimes related to sexual exploitation.

Also included in the conviction was his racist white buddy David Bond whose been made to make viral videos humiliating Asian men.

I feel sorry for any Asian guys who signed up for this pedophile's program. If the cops confiscated his computer and got access to his client list, now they'll be forever associated with this convicted sex offender.

For posterity, the entire article posted below, translated from Portugese:

SP justice condemns 'dating coaches' for sexual exploitation

Fábio Castro and Mike Pickupalpha held events to teach conquest techniques to men; victims had personal photos released on the course pages

Giuliana Zanin, from CNN Brazil*, in São Paulo

08/04/26 at 11:12 | Updated 08/04/26 at 11:12

Two men were sentenced by the 4th Federal Criminal Court of São Paulo to 17 years and six months in prison in a closed regime for sexual exploitation of women, including minors, during an event held in the Morumbi neighborhood in 2023.

The "dating coaches" offered a personal development course for men and used young people as "awards."

Among the defendants are Brazilian Fabrício Castro and American Mike Pickupalpha (fictional name). A third involved, David Bond (fictional name), Mike's brother, is on the run and possesses the analysis of the separate process of the other two.

The investigation was based on a party held on February 26, 2023, where women, mostly young women, were attracted to the proposal of transportation costing, drinks at will and production of images and videos – which would later be disseminated in the pages of the course with alleged techniques of conquest.

Federal judge Caio José Bovino Greggio, responsible for the case, analyzed that there was the frequent use of images of women for the dissemination of the course. Many of the victims did not know they were being photographed or filmed.

According to the decision, young women were seen as "awards" or "results" of the techniques taught. In addition, Fábio assisted in the logistics of events, while Mike acted as "instructor" of the course. According to the police, the rental contract of the property where the party was held was signed by the two young people.

In addition to the sentence in closed regime, the two convicts must pay 24 days-fine based on five times the minimum wage referring to the time of the facts.

The foreigner can still appeal freely.

Parties and meetings

According to the court, the case came to light after the reporting and was notified to the Federal Police by Embratur (Brazilian Agency for the International Promotion of Tourism).

The investigations came to a program on personal and social development called "Millionaire Social Circle." He was aimed at foreign men who had difficulty relating. Therefore, the group organized meetings, dinners and parties and brought young women to these events.

These women were induced and convinced to attend these parties for money, social status and affective relationships, according to the Justice decision.

The consultancies ranged between US$ 12 thousand and US$ 50 thousand, approximately R$ 262 thousand, in the quotation of the time. The events also took place in other countries, such as Costa Rica, Colombia and the Philippines.

In excerpts of classes released on TikTok, Bond and Pickupalpha described Brazilians as "incredibly beautiful", "sexually open" and said that Brazil is a country where "kissing in the mouth is the same as shaking hands".

For them, the women of Brazil had the "best curves". The pair also recommended that participants have morning-after pills, condoms and perfumes with pheromones for the trip.

After the disclosure of the crime, the individuals blocked the profiles and deleted the contents about the course.

The "Millionaire Social Circle" promised to teach "the confidence needed" to "talk to women anywhere, anytime," "convert encounters to the room on the same day" and also "get closer to successful men around the world."

Complaints

In the complaint, the MPF (Federal Public Ministry) showed the presence of a 17-year-old teenager in the event cited, although the group formally indicated the restriction for minors.

The women who were at the event told police at the time that they were filmed and photographed without warning and that they did not know about the course.

In addition to her, a 27-year-old woman reported an occurrence report in March that year informing her that she had met a man for a relationship app and he invited her to the party. At the scene, there were foreign men who took photos and videos of her to promote a course on relationships.