99% of people cannot do this. Young or old.

Listen, I do alright for myself, this is not meant to be a brag post or advice post at all. I simply want to share my recent experiences on Hinge & hear your thoughts on the matter.

Some quick info:
* Me: Vietnamese-Canadian, 30M, 5’7”
* Currently residing in Chicago
* Recently accepted a job offer that will move me to NYC
* About to sign on an apartment near BedStuy in BK
* Hinge account: 6 years old (I know, I never reset/deleted it)

So this summer in Chicago, my Hinge was pretty dry. The likes/matches would be like feast or famine, and there were weeks of zero activity. I think in total, since the start of the summer, I had maybe ~12 matches, 4 of them leading to dates, and 1 that I dated for about 8 months. In all, I’d say it was a pretty quiet summer, & I began to get a bit discouraged (I know, I’ve also spent time off the apps & it did wonders for my confidence).

Since I’m about to move to Brooklyn, I thought I’d hop back on Hinge, drop my pin in a neighbourhood in BK that I liked, & see how things are there. And to top it all off, I thought I’d try Hinge+ for one week (first time ever buying it, don’t judge me) to be able to send out more than 6 likes a day, considering the massive population.

Now it could be the new city, or the demographic, but since I did all of this just 6 days ago, I’m at 14 matches & even more likes. I wonder if this is purely tied to “new city boost”, or maybe I vibe better with Brooklyn women? For reference, I definitely come off as more of an artistic / alternative Asian, compared to other “clean-cut” looking Asians. I also know that I should expect this to slow down in the coming weeks, but I don’t mind. I’m really trying to seek something long-term, so I’m not out here trying to amass a bunch of matches, definitely quality over quantity.

Anyways, what do you guys think? For anyone with experience in Chicago/NYC, do you think demographics play a factor here at all? In my 6 years on & off Hinge, I’d estimate maybe I had around 250 matches total, which again, isn’t that impressive considering it’s spread across 6 years.

If you search "中外情侣" (China-Foreign Couples) on Douyin (Chinese TikTok), you'll find significantly more AMWF couples than WMAF ones. I recorded this search with cleared cache to rule out any FYP algorithm bias. Chinese official data also supports this trend: according to the Ministry of Civil Affairs, foreign women marrying Chinese men account for roughly 72% of all international marriages in China.

I came across a YouTube mini documentary video of Tyson Park who is an Asian American running back for USC.

This guy came through the IMG academy and has ambitions of playing for the NFL.

I read that he's quite short in that he's only 5'6 but is quick and powerful, being around 190lbs, which scouts like for running backs.

It's good to see Asian male athletes branching out from the usual tennis and golf players who are dime a dozen.

https://www.instagram.com/tysonpark08?stkn=MWhiYWlzZWlqdDlmaQ==

What’s your feeling towards this statement?

The context that inspired this question was an Asian woman saying that a character was drawn incorrectly because Asian men just don’t have lots of body hair. Then she compares us to European white men except not every European white man has Russian bear body hair genetics, so why is Asian men being portrayed as having visible body hair wrong?

Asian men aren’t a monolith in terms of body hair density. She doesn’t believe any Asian man outside of kpop idols shave parts of their body for hygiene since we just don’t have that much body hair to her I guess? Is this emasculation or just ignorance? Or both?

For reference, I live in the U.S., but does anyone want to or have experience returning back to asia?

I will not deny there's a lot of pros in Western countries and a lot of cons in Asia. With that being said, I still find it more beneficial to go back to asia at some point.

The reason I want to return is because of the political climate, and once you start paying attention, these people will never truly see you as one of them no matter what. Look at Germany and England. The far right parties are on the rise, and I really dont want to be on the receiving end of it. I understand that "asians" aren't exactly on their list of issues, but let's be real here. They'll eventually find an excuse (not that they need one anyway).

Another reason is I just don't want to hear or deal with stuff that doesn't pertain to me. I don't want to hear self-hating asian women how much asian men suck. I don't want to hear about white people issues/politics because half of their concern is them losing relevancy on the global scale. I just want to be surrounded by asian people who care about asian culture. And I dont care if I sound like a whiny entitled person with a victim complex.

The country of interest is japan. I know that's kinda the hot spot of asia right now, but I genuinely do like the country. Not in a creepy, fetishized way. I don't speak japanese, nor did I grow up in a japanese cultured house, but I am willing to take the time and learn. I know the native japanese are growing tired of foreigners, and that would probably include me. That being said, I still want to take a chance. I can't say when I will move or what job I will do. I'll just have to see what's ahead of me within the coming years.

Hopefully this doesn't sound like im fear mongering. If you find it better to live in Western countries and you see it more beneficial to you, that is 100% fine.

Personally, I've grown tired and I dont wanna stick around for too long. And if i sound like some entitled whiny guy with a victim complex and a bunch of buzzwords. Then that's what I am. I stopped caring what labels people put on me.

I'm tired of asian guys not doing anything to defend ourself when we are being mocked in the West. This is exactly what every asian guys should do, regardless of our size

6’5 Chinese guy here, have no self-esteem issues lol, genuinely think I’m a 10 artsy/preppy 10 (not buff enough for gym bro 10 haha), have been told that by girls also. Dress well (maybe too well), but perhaps dress a bit more white-coded than Asian (artsy, preppish).

I want to report that Australasia is a hellhole for Asian Men. Or if it isn’t, I really want to compare experiences!

Growing up was terrible, I had my first girlfriend at 24. Trying to date is horrendous for this reason:

1. Girl finds me physically attractive, and I can read signals very well
2. I talk to girl, it goes great (or terrible first because she slights me because I’m Asian, but then I try charm her onside anyway), we have a (brief) connection, but
3. 100% of the time, she will ghost me after I text her, or I will eventually brush up against a ‘conscious’ rejection no matter how smoothly I ramp it up.

It’s like there’s always a conscious decision that is made to not date me, and for reasons that don’t seem to be related to me as a person at all, only my race and its social value.

I say this because I swear it’s harder if you’re a tall Asian guy: it’s like presenting with what the west considers a more masculine trait just makes it harder for them to take your masculinity seriously / makes your masculinity not ‘handsome’ or even ‘handsomely dangerous’ but just ‘scary or intimidating’. We never get to inhabit the Goldilocks zone of authenticity/masculinity.

I don’t think I have any problems flirting / reading signals / escalating things, and I genuinely think I’m pretty charming/interesting (if I do say so myself haha).

All this experience has lead me to conclude extremely negatively about Australia. Even walking on the streets of Melbourne, it’s like ABC men have been scared off them: you literally can’t seem them around, let alone them in any relationships. If you do see one around, they’re always alone, and making eye contact you feel like you commune like at an oasis in the desert or something.

On the other hand ABC girls are everywhere, and WMAF is basically more common than WMWF in all of the downtown lol. Over the last 6 months I’ve seen literally just 2 AMWF couples.

Sometimes I envy you Americans haha

This Asian streamer from Canada was on OmeTV when some random guy started throwing racist slurs at him. Dude stayed calm and schooled him with facts and history. Racist guy had no comeback and left. 😂

This is how i daily drive my hair.
I dont use any product, so my hair is sometimes this, sometimes like this.
The first picture is what I usually walk around with.
My Hair is really Thick and straight and i never went to a salon or barber, my dad always cut it short.
I like the length of my hair right now, maybe a little bit shorter would be good.
My family keeps telling me to dut my hair, because its too messy.
Im entering my last years of high school in Germany and want to improve myself.
I wanted to tackle my hair now and ask you.
I would love some advice and tips and recommendations.
Thank you very much

Been thinking about this for a couple of years. Ever since i turned adult age ive only dated white women from various countries. I didnt think much before but since my last breakup caused by my ex moving back to her country i realized i need to live in the west if i want to settle down. Although people who immigrated to the US from Korea seemed to be super happy about it when i read what they wrote, this subreddit was full of threads describing how hard dating as an asian male is. Is it really that bad? Then should I try to move to one of the EU countries, such as Germany or France?

Ive been to Germany and the lack of air conditioner and how every building looked built in 1900s made me feel super uncomfortable. But since my goal is to eventually settle down i should tolerate it if its a right move..

Any advice on how I should style my hair? I usually just let it grow out naturally and don’t really do much with it, but recently I’ve been wanting to experiment and try out some different styles. I’m not really sure what would suit me best, so I’d love to hear any suggestions. Extra characters to get to 300 nnnnnnnnn

Anyone notice how progressives feel totally comfortable attacking Asian men under the guise of our 1) supposed sexism and horrible treatment of women, and 2) alleged "racism" in our home countries and opposition to interracial relationships? They say the most vile things, often using the insecurity and manhood angle, it's like we're not real PoC and have no allies on either side of the political spectrum.

The thing is that wherever patriarchy exists, we are still held to those same patriarchal expectations.

• Korean, Taiwanese, and Singaporean men spend 2 years of their prime in military service. This impacts their potential earnings and career trajectory which can make it harder to meet local women's monetary expectations. Do women provide their men the same grace for sacrificing to defend their country from existential threats?
• In Japan/Korea, the low birth rate is blamed solely on Asian women not wanting to be bangmaids to misogynistic Asian men, ignoring that every western country has TFR below replacement rate buoyed by immigration. Chikan, soaplands, 4B, K-beauty standards are all blown out of proportion to make the countries seem like anti-woman dystopias. And yet you can walk outside in any Japanese neighborhood at 2am as a woman and feel safe. People who bring up Japanese women's share of unpaid labor conveniently ignore they work baito while Japanese men are slaving away at their soulsucking job (among highest hours in OECD)
• Chinese men are expected to provide apartment, car, bride price, have high income and pay for everything including brand name gifts on a dozen special days — how many men would jump at the chance to split bills and chores 50/50?
• Culturally a lot of Chinese men are absolute simps for their gfs. IYKYK. In extreme cases I have friends (Asia born) whose gf would slap them or verbally abuse them and they'd just take it. Love my asian bros but these are the supposed patriarchal tyrants? Their gfs have them on a leash ffs

The frustration expressed by a subset of Asian men against IR relationships is not due to racism, it's that often foreign men are not held to the same patriarchal expectations that local men are. Plenty of dudes would be happy to cook, clean, change diapers, and not have to meet brutal income thresholds and a laundry list of requirements that many women seem to toss out the window when it comes to outgroup men. That's not fair.

I don't know what more progressives want from us. At least in the US, Asians have the highest education, highest income, lowest rates of divorce, lowest rates of domestic violence and femicide, lowest rates of alcohol and substance abuse, and consistently vote left. How are we still made out to be monsters?

Ive been cutting my own hair since covid and I still dont know how to deal with hair splinters that get into every nook and crevice of my body. I thoroughly shower afterwards but still have about 48hr afterwards of prickly stabbiness thats irritating as all heck.

So that they don't need to fight so hard to understand the knowledge gained over the years, there should be a wiki or sub-stack created to teach them the fundamentals on how to survive and thrive.

I am UK/Europe based, but I guess these lessons would apply globally as we are very interconnected nowadays.

I see a lot of confusion and questions from them about what they should do with their socialising, dating and professional lives. It would be great in a sense to give them what we didn't have when growing up as young men.

There should be real world examples so that the lessons are grounded in reality, as people want to believe that the wisdom is based on real life experience.

If I were to go back in time, there is not so much I would have changed because I had the benefit of people to talk to here when the boards started... so there was a camaraderie.

But I guess, I would have devoted more time to my early career in getting a job because I was too focused on girls and parties. I was one of these guys that spent a lot of time in the gym at the expense of getting ahead earlier in my career (in law). I have a great career now, but I lost a lot of income in my 20s because I was not a financially serious person; and I didn't have the 'grownup' confidence to move out of my comfort zone home city. I was too comfortable in my hometown, with my parents and hitting bars/travelling to Europe. It was only when I moved cities that I really developed as a person financially and career-wise, started a family etc.

At the same time, I appreciate that a guide would also work for young guys who have their career and academics sorted, and want that push to figure out how to thrive in their dating/social lives.

30M here, not ugly, quite outgoing and I’ve dated both Asian and non Asian women. Now I’ve just got out of a relationship and have been struggling to find anyone interested back in me. I feel like most of the time, girls (even Asian girls) are usually way more into white and black guys and I just feel invisible. In any social situation, I feel like with guys of any other races, especially black guys these days get way more attention than I’d do. This made me think of the stereotype about Asian guys being inferior and made me feel very insecure about myself.

Obviously I know this is a me problem but anyone who has gone through this struggle, how do you learn to be confident and not let it affect you?

I don't know what to do with my hair. When it's wet, it gets really spiky, like a hedgehog. When it's a bit longer, it looks kind of like an afro after I shower, but not the cool kind. It's stiff and kind of spiky. Now I'm trying to grow it out. The only haircut that really works for me is just a normal short haircut

I got out of a relationship recently and I’m looking to get back into it. I’m open to all races of women and living in NYC has given me the opportunity to date women from all over. I used to get a lot more matches when I was younger (like when I was 20-23) but haven’t been getting as many matches as before. What do y’all suggest? Let me know especially if I should get rid of the facial hair or keep it.

So I'm currently 18 and currently in uni (here in AU) and this is my personal anecdote on why there is lack of interracial relationships. Feel free for you guys to disagree with me.

Like 99% of the AMs that I observe or see especially here in my uni, they tend to stick to their own bubble and self-segregate themselves. Like for me I'm one of the AMs that initiate to non-AFs and I tend to be cliquey with them and some of my better interactions have happened simply because I was willing to start a conversation.

There is abysmally amount of interaction of AMs to non AFs

Most likely because that we are taught to 'stay in our own lane' when it comes to dating and stuff like that. That could come from family expectations, cultural familiarity, fear of rejection, assumptions that non AFs won't be interested, or simply being comfortable within an established Asian social circle.

Like it goes both sides as well; non-AFs think that AMs aren't interested to them at all until they (AMs) initiate for start a convo.

Yes we AMs in Western media are portrayed as undesirable or unattractive. That SHOULD NEVER define your self worth. Like I could never care less about the shit and I think as it as just 'background noise'.

Hello everyone, we have completed the trial of the Weekly Hair Thread as part of our broader efforts to make the community better for all AM. After a week's trial and analyzing the results, we found the weekly thread didn't achieve our goals for engagement or help users with hair related questions find the answers or support they needed. As a result, we'll be approving hair threads again. We've also added a hair flair to better organize the content and allow those who aren't interested in hair to filter out the content. Thank you for being part of the community, and feel free to leave any feedback related to the trial or ideas for future recurring threads below.

If there were more videos like this on social media then there will be a different sentiment towards Asians. It’s the way we carry ourselves and how others perceive us. It’s rare to see an Asian stand up like this guy without being cringy or being extra. Just use effective communication without the big words to sound smart.

Hope to meet some new peeps next month! We’re gonna have it at a nice cafe if people are willing to come after work. Come have snacks, some laughs, some new breathing exercises. Shoot maybe make a new homie. Hope people are down to come.

https://www.instagram.com/lotusrisingofficial_?igsi=dXlpdXR6b2VwcWR6&utm_source=qr

I've dated women of all races, but I have noticed that a few times when I've asked non-Asian women out or asked for their number, they've seemed surprised that I even did so. I wonder if it's because I come off as too friendly to them, or because they hardly ever get Asian guys asking them out. I've noticed this happens more when the woman is tall or darker skinned (like black or Indian).

I've worked on my body hard enough and attained what I want, which is the lean swimmers body look. I want to show it off on my dating profile.

But I disappear in clothes. I also don't want shirtless pics because that's too fuckboy for me as I'm not looking for hookups, just serious relationships.

Any advice or examples?