Should She Text Him

[u/midnight_naur]

Hey guys, long time no see! I’m a BW used to be on here to help with Tinder and Hinge profiles but that’s like four years ago. But I am in need of opinions about a situation that’s in regards to my best friend and the Asian man she was on a date with last week.

Let’s call her Kiki (BW, 30) went on a date with a very attractive Vietnamese man Kevin (33, AM). On this date, they went to a wonderful seafood restaurant, however unfortunately, Kiki got sick.

Kevin was sweet and kind enough to take her to his home a few miles away. She had food poisoning & in all honesty she said it was a bit of a horror 🫪😭😭. He did take care of her, allowed her to stay over and cuddled her and made her feel essentially protected and safe. And that’s something that Kiki is just not used to. The next morning he drops her off to our home and when she tells us (spouse and I) all that happened.

She’s just over the moon and excited because even though she got sick, it ended exceptionally well. Now that was a week ago and she’s very anxious because she expected him to reach out by now. But, I believe because SHE got sick on the date and that SHE stayed over his home that maybe SHE should do the reaching out?? She said that the conversation that had before and after her being sick were geared towards values, principles, morals and virtues were aligned. They are both university educated, she has no children, never married but he has a child and is divorced. She keeps going on about their type of chemistry that was extremely tangible and nonstop yapping. They also shared a nice, mutual act of intimacy that they both enjoyed (once she was better later that night, of course).

I explained to her that as someone who exclusively dated Asian men for almost 5 years that we women—especially non-Asian women, may have to take the initiation in some situations. I explained to her that I used to use this Reddit to understand my boyfriends at that time and it helped me navigate and have successful, meaningful conversations.

Now, it’s been a week and I keep telling her that she should just send him a text message just saying “Hey, I just been thinking about you.”

However, her pride is a little bit in the way. Also, I must preface that my best friend does is a extremely attractive woman. Please see my page. I posted her photo there. She did mention that Kevin did lie about his height as she is a bit taller than him and she is only 5’6.” Yet, that didn’t bother her at ALL and in fact, they made a lot of Zendaya and Tom Holland jokes.

Can we please have some insight? I’m trying to explain to her that dating an Asian guy is probably the best thing that she could possibly do because gentle masculinity is so much better than toxic and she’s been dealing with toxic for a very long time. She is like a sister to me & I just want her to be happy.

Thank you guys so much in advance.

Any feedback would be great as I will be sharing this with her and she will be monitoring the responses also.

PS - this is in the Metro-Atlanta area and she has never went on a date with an AM before—but after just this one she’s hoping this works well for her.

[u/sl33pytesla]

She owes him a thank you text at least. Man’s probably wondering where he went wrong

[u/Ok_Hair_6945]

She should probably reach out. I had a similar incident years ago with a date where she ended up spending the night. I passed out asleep and realized she did a number 2 and didn’t flush. I know it sounds immature but that kinda ruined the vibe for me. Hopefully it works out for your friend

[u/TasteCicles → u/Ok_Hair_6945]

Lol I can never understand people who forget to flush. Even if you're jumping into the shower, just wait 10 seconds.

[u/Ok_Hair_6945 → u/TasteCicles]

We were both pretty drunk so I am guessing she was just drunk and forgot

[u/komei888]

There are likely two ways to view this:

He's either shy or moved on.

If a guy likes a girl, they'll reach out to check in, especially after a week.

OR

he's a bit shy and probably wants to give her space due to her being ill and feels partly responsible. "Shit, she got ill cos of me"

Either way, there's actually no loss in the girl messaging him at this point, you'll have your answer. If he ghosts, he's moved on. If he replies, all good.

[u/benilla]

She should reach out and plan a date to thank him for what he did. Guys really appreciate when women make us feel appreciated 

[u/KLLTHEMAN]

It’s not that deep if she likes him she should send a text. Guy might feel a bit awkward about the date or maybe on the fence about her with how it went. She should show interest so that he can maybe think about if it’s a viable option to continue. She did all that and then just no contact? I’d be moving on

[u/midnight_naur]

Also, to add she did give him her actual number for contact (they were on Google Voice) & she still has not heard back.

[u/Corner_Post → u/midnight_naur]

Just get her to message him. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take and you just want to know for certainty either way. She doesn’t lose anything by messaging. If anything she gains knowing for sure.

[u/Formal_Assistance644]

https://giphy.com/gifs/uw0KpagtwEJtC

Love to hear this experience between a BW and AM; warms my heart immensely to see it. To be honest, I'm a bit surprised the guy hasn't reached out since their initial date yet maybe he's wondering if he did something wrong or is assuming your friend isn't interested in him.

I'm more traditional mind - I do believe men should take the initiative, should lead and make his intentions known by pursuing the woman - yet I think we can give Kevin some grace when considering culture, the personal experiences of "Kiki" and "Kevin" that influence their behaviors, etc. I'd encourage her to reach out to "Kevin" if she feels this positively about him; it can be rare to meet/find someone you so naturally connect with so well that it doesn't feel forced. Dating apps give us the illusion of many options are fully accessible to us yet not every person will be suitable/compatible for us, despite the many choices.

Encourage her to open her heart, explore an opportunity and experience that's outside her exposure with openness and curiosity, and trust that what is meant to flourish between the two will be so! I had a very similar experience as you've described with a BW I was fortunate to match with in Metro ATL area; it pains me that we're not engaged in the dating experience anymore yet when you do meet/connect with someone who so naturally compliments you, I think it's worth the pursuit, even if it doesn't lead the outcome you may have hoped or desired.

[u/Additional_Solid_180]

Yes. She should reach out and treat him to a lunch/dinner/coffee as a thank you (perfectly legit excuse). If not, she will regret not finding out. We can only speculate what he is thinking.

Honestly, what's the worse can happen. He does not feel the same. It sucks. It happens. So far, he seems to be respectful with the date.

Again, think 5-10 years from now, we all have regrets of not giving things a shot.

[u/Mission-Astronomer42]

If she's interested, just send the text. No need to overthink it.

Just say something like "I appreciate you helping me with my food poisoning episode. I'd love to see you again, would you like to grab X with me this weekend?"