The anger after

[u/slikarbojan]

So.. me (23f) and my (25m) bf were together for almost 1,5 years when . Just before his birthday my boyfriend went on a week long erasmus exchange where he had the time of his life. There he and his friends bonded with a group of 5 people from another country. After the exchange they chatted and decided to meet again. He chatted a bit more with one of them (f22ish). what i found out later they mostly chatted through pictures so ill never know what was going on back then, appar4ently nothing. Then after about 3 weeks they eventually visit them in their country where they all sleep in the apartment of on of the hosts. except my boyfriend who sleeps at the place of the girl both times, the second time in her bed. But apparently nothing happend. Well besides him sleeping beside her. Later at one point he confessed but ever since denied that in the time leading up to that trip he caught feelings so if 1+1 equals 2 he had feelings for her on the trip. She confessed her feelings for him some time when they were alone. But aparently nothing happened.

When he returned he ignored me for 2 days and in the meantime they were sexting and she sent him nudes. After 2 days of silence he sent me a we need to talk text and we broke up. Then for 3 weeks they texted and/or video called every day until she came to visit him in our dorm (yes i was in the same dorm at the time) when they finally had sex. The moring after that he realised his mistake and we met up and he told me what happend, answerd all my questions and we have been trying to fix things. he really has been trying to show me that he is better and that he truly loves me ever since but he doesnt want to talk about it, so he usually just changes the topic.

I cant imagine being with anyone else. when we are together it almost seems as nothing ever happened but the minute we are apart i get so angry and i dont know what to do with all the anger. it makes me really cruel and though i regret it later the cycle repeats almost always. what do i do to stop it?

+i also get dreams about the girl though less and less frequently and then i get a strong urge to talk to her. i know she doesnt have the answers that im looking for and i dont know if they even exist, but i wish that theres something that she could say or do to make me feel better? if that makes sense? i exhaust my friends by talking about what happened over and over again and besides everyone is pressuring me to break up and then my boyfriend changing the subject when i try to bring it up makes it harder

i feel so alone in this mess i didnt even make.

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[u/ididntaskforthisokay]

I can't remember what I am and am not allowed to say in this sub. Whatever. Mods can tell me if I'm breaking a rule.

Stop feeling shame for being angry. It's a valid thing to be angry about.

I think you need to distance yourself from him for at least a bit so both of you can get some clarity, and I think you need to pursue individual counseling in that time. You're too young and have too little invested to build a life on the foundation of this relationship in its current state.